Plan B Comic Strips - Page 48
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552 Results for Plan B
View 471 - 480 results for plan b comic strips. Discover the best "Plan B" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday October 24,
2015
New Office Layout Will Improve Efficiency
Tags #layout, #office, #desk, #work environment, #efficiency, #catch-22, #loophole, #laziness, #excuse
Transcript
Wally: Do you really believe that your plan to change the office layout will boost efficiency? Boss: Of course it will. The physical environment makes a huge difference. Wally: Good. I missed all of my deadlines because of our current office layout is bad.
Sunday November 08,
2015
Tags #social, #party, #invite, #relationships, #friend, #friendship, #test, #popularity
Transcript
Dilbert: I'm having some people over to my house after work. Would you like to come? Woman: Who else is coming? Dilbert: Seven people said maybe, and one said he would get back to me. I think that shows a lot of interest. So how about it? Can you come? Woman: It depends on whether my sister needs a ride to the airport. Dilbert: When will you know? Woman: I'll text you. Dogbert: Are you sad that no one came? Dilbert: No, I was just A-B testing to see if I still hate all of them.
Monday October 26,
2015
Employees Keep Agreeing
Tags #furniture, #office, #arrangement, #laziness, #loophole, #efficiency, #management, #work ethic, #excuse
Transcript
Boss: I told the employees about our plan to boost productivity by changing the floor layout. Now they claim they can't get their work done because the current floor plan is inefficient. Hoe do I get them to stop agreeing with me? CEO: What do you usually do?
Friday November 13,
2015
Clarifying Our Strategies
Tags #jargon, #speaking, #confusion, #language, #obliviousness, #managers, #fake, #faking
Transcript
Boss: I hope that clarifies our strategy. Questions? Dilbert: From what you said, I can't tell if we're in the hardware or software business. Boss: We're B-to-B. Dilbert: How much do you with that meant something?
Tuesday November 17,
2015
Give Up On Making Them Happy
Tags #happiness, #deception, #perspective, #work, #office, #marriage, #psychology, #relationships
Transcript
Boss: I'm giving up on trying to keep them happy. My new plan is to tell them things are worse everywhere else. Catbert: Will that work? Boss: It worked on my wife.
Friday December 18,
2015
The Smart Plans
Tags #insult, #honesty, #candor, #label, #semantics, #politeness
Transcript
Dilbert: I compared your plan to a few alternatives. Boss: Let's not label the other plans "the smart ones." Dilbert: Do you want anything else mislabeled?
Saturday February 13,
2016
Yoga For Posture
Tags #yoga, #posture, #dating, #attraction, #Women, #relationships
Transcript
Dilbert: I don't know what to do about my bad posture. Dogbert: Try yoga. Dilbert: Ooh, good idea. That will also improve my odds of meeting an attractive yoga-loving woman. Man: That was my plan too, but the full-stack guys gut here early and scared away the yoga women.
Monday March 07,
2016
When Does The Motivation Start
Tags #effective, #effectiveness, #executives, #motivation, #eric scott
Transcript
Dilbert: In the meeting, you said you are the best at motivating. I was wondering when you plan to start, because I could use some motivation. CEO: I've been doing it for five years. Dilbert: At work?
Sunday May 01,
2016
Tags #election, #voting, #technology, #fraud, #cheating, #vote, #Politics
Transcript
Boss: We won a contract to write software for voting machines. Dilbert: Who do you want to be president? Boss: Why do you ask? Dilbert: Because I want you to be happy. Boss: You're implying that you plan to fudge the system. Dilbert: I'm not implying anything like that. Obviously, it will be easy to fudge the data, and we are far happier when you're in a good mood. But I would never commit a crime just because it is good for ma and totally undetectable. Boss: Okay, good. Dilbert: So who do you want to win and by how much?
Friday April 29,
2016
People Are Terrible
Tags #hate, #human error, #interpersonal, #introvert, #misanthropy, #people, #antisocial
Transcript
Boss: What's the biggest risk with your plan? Dilbert: It's people. They're terrible once you get to know them. Boss: Then don't get to know them. Dilbert: I tried that with you and it didn't work.