Stop Watch Comic Strips - Page 48
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612 Results for Stop Watch
View 471 - 480 results for stop watch comic strips. Discover the best "Stop Watch" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday November 10,
2014
Work Harder Than The Competition
Tags competitors, executives, helicopter, hypocrisy, hypocrite, rich people, super yacht, work ethic, work harder
Transcript
CEO: We can only succeed if we work harder than our competitors! Oops, gotta go. My helicopter is here to take me to my massage appointment on my superyacht. Stop staring at me. I only have to work harder than other CEOs.
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Friday December 05,
2014
Bob Gets A Smartwatch
Tags carbon dating, dinosaurs, pun, puns, smartwatch, technology, anthrpocene epoch
Transcript
Dinosaur: Ha ha! I am now the coolest member of the household because I have a smartwatch. Hello, watch. What time is is? Watch: This is the anthropocene epoch. Dinosaur: Wow, that carbon dates me.
Saturday December 13,
2014
Text Is More Important Than Dilbert
Tags cell phones, distraction, power, subversion, text, text message, attention, pellet of attention, ignore, superior, demonstrate
Transcript
Boss: Hold on, I have a text message that is probably more important than you. I will demonstrate my power over you by handling a text message while you sit there, waiting for a pellet of my attention. Stop texting me! Dilbert: Mmm... pellet.
Thursday January 08,
2015
Showering In Tube Clothes
Tags clothes, clothing, efficiency, engineers, laundry, nerd, tube clothes, shower, shower drain
Transcript
Dilbert: I discovered that I can wear my tube clothing in the shower! It's like doing laundry and taking a shower at the same time! I can add one more efficiency, but I'd need to replumb the shower drain. Tina: Please stop talking!!!
Tuesday February 10,
2015
Elon Musk Fears Ai
Tags artificial intelligence, etiquette & ethics, misanthropy, technology, elon musk, artificial intelligemce, humankind
Transcript
Asok: Elon Musk is worried that artificial intelligence will destroy mankind. Coworker: Why would you pay attention to him? What's he ever done? Asok: Stop making root for A.I. Coworker: And what planet is this "Elon" guy from, anyway?
Sunday March 08,
2015
Tags catch-22, compliment, compliments, insult, insulting, work ethic, technical skills, perfect attendance, risk averse, no social life, irrational needs, code writing puppet
Transcript
Boss: You're a perfect employee in many ways. Dilbert: I am? Boss: For example, you have excellent technical skills. Dilbert: That's true. Boss: And your attendance is perfect. Dilbert: Yes, it is. Boss: And you are too risk-averse to quit and start your own company. Dilbert: What? Boss: Plus, you have no social life to interfere with work.Dilbert: Are these still compliments? Boss: Combine all of that with your irrational need for approval, and it makes you a code-writing puppet. Did I already say you're underpaid? Dilbert: Stop complimenting me!
Wednesday March 04,
2015
Ceo Inflates His Own Head
Tags bonus, ceos, competition, executives, height, money, salary, wages
Transcript
Catbert: Now that our policy is to pay people based on height, your CEO salary is capped, too. CEO: That's what you think. Watch what happens when I hold my nose and close my mouth and blow. Catbert: Well, I guess it only needs to last until bonus season.
Sunday April 12,
2015
Tags leadership, praise, admiration, anger, compliments
Transcript
Alice: What do you want now? Dilbert: Experts say leaders should surround themselves with people they admire and be generous with praise. Alice, I admire your hard work and intellect. Alice: Stop it! This is creepy! Dilbert: I admire your focus and your determination. Alice: Gaaa!!! Stop admiring me! My skin is crawling! Dilbert: I admire your honesty! Alice: Blech! Wally: Do you feel more like a leader now? Dilbert: Yes, in the sense that people hate me.
Tuesday April 07,
2015
Useless Mansplainers
Tags mansplainer, relations between the sexes, sexism, Women, engineers, programmers, furstration
Transcript
Alice: I can't get any work done because my project team is a bunch of useless mansplainers. Why do men feel the need to explain things to me when I know more than they do? Boss: Let me explain it to you, Alice. Men like to show off and feel important. Alice: Stop it!
Thursday April 09,
2015
Alice's Off Color Jokes
Tags joke, jokes, joking, assume, assumptions, offensive
Transcript
Tina: I'm uncomfortable with the off-color jokes I keep hearing in the engineering department. Boss: I'll talk to the guys and tell them to knock it off. Tina: Guys? Alice: Stop being babies. My jokes do not hurt your ears! Dilbert and Asok: It burns!