Useful Things Comic Strips - Page 48

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

489 Results for Useful Things

View 471 - 480 results for useful things comic strips. Discover the best "Useful Things" comics from Dilbert.com.

Bad Analogy Guy Fits In

Thank you for voting.
Bad Analogy Guy Fits In - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 14, 2019's comic on:


Tags #employees, #insults, #office, #office workers, #sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Hi. I'm the bad analogy guy. I can't tell the difference between thinking and simply being reminded of unrelated things. Wally: You'll fit in well here. Man: You dress like a liar.

Wally Monetizes His Pet Status

Thank you for voting.
Wally Monetizes His Pet Status - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 20, 2019's comic on:


Tags #boss, #criticism, #employees, #managers & supervisors, #money, #office workers, #bribe

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: I hear you're our boss's new pet employee. Please don't tell him all of the bad things I have said about him behind his back. I'll give you a hundred dollars if you keep quiet. Wally: I knew I could monetize this.

Wally Has Higher Income

Thank you for voting.
Wally Has Higher Income - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 21, 2019's comic on:


Tags #lying, #managers & supervisors, #money, #office workers, #bribe, #salary

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Now that I'm the boss's new pet employee, my income is higher than ever. Dilbert: I didn't realize it came with a raise. Wally: It's more of an indirect thing. Man: I'll give you $100 to tell the boss good things about me. Wally: My price for lying is $200.

Try Hiding

Thank you for voting.
Try Hiding - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 24, 2019's comic on:


Tags #Advice, #boss, #compliment, #criticism, #ego, #employees, #managers & supervisors

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: If you compliment your employees, they will get big heads and think they are underpaid. But if you criticize them, they will be unhappy and quit. Boss: What should I do instead of those things? Dogbert: Have you tried hiding?

Dilbert Gets A Mentor

Thank you for voting.
Dilbert Gets A Mentor - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 17, 2019's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #Advice, #mentor, #productivity, #operations, #vice president, #pressure, #trick

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: i heard you asked our v.p. of operations to be your mentor. why didn't you tell me you needed some mentoring? i'm full of useful advice. dilbert: such as? boss: well... not you're putting me on the spot. it's hard to think of advice while you're pressuring me. maybe you could give me a scenario, and then i'll tell you what to do. dilbert: okay, suppose my boss is ruining my productivity by yammering about his great advice. what can i do? boss: that feels like a trick question. dilbert: our v.p. of operations could answer it.

Others Have Failed

Thank you for voting.
Others Have Failed - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 06, 2019's comic on:


Tags #office workers, #idea, #technology, #rodent, #insult, #cheese, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

male employee: your idea won't work because others have already tried it and failed. dilbert: others have tried different things that simply remind you of my idea. i mean, you remind me of a rodent, but that doesn't prove you like cheese. employee: i love cheese

Wally Stopped Trying

Thank you for voting.
Wally Stopped Trying - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 04, 2020's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #useless, #trying, #incompetence, #co-workers, #pay, #work

View Transcript

Transcript

wally: this week i didn't do any work because there is no point in trying. in the unlikely event i did something useful, it would be ruined by the massive incompetence of my co-workers. boss: i pay you to act as if you are trying. wally: oh, in that case, i worked hard this week.

Knowing What Wally Does

Thank you for voting.
Knowing What Wally Does - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 02, 2020's comic on:


Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #performance, #review, #job, #projects, #expectations, #heuristics

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: i can't give you a good performance review because you haven't performed up to expectations. wally: do you even know what my job is? boss: of course i do. you're an engineer. wally: yes, but do you know what projects i'm working on? boss: well, various things, and some miscellaneous things too. wally: how can you determine my job performance when you don't know what my job is? boss: have you heard of heuristics? you're bad at everything i've observed, so i assume you are bad at everything else as well. wally: you should have started with that.

Data Can Only Mean One Thing

Thank you for voting.
Data Can Only Mean One Thing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 25, 2020's comic on:


Tags #business, #office workers, #sarcasm, #data, #analyze

View Transcript

Transcript

ted: this data can mean only one thing. dilbert: actually, it can mean any one of about seventeen things. ted: then why can i think of only one? dilbert: please don't make me answer that.

What Good Is Money

Thank you for voting.
What Good Is Money - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 31, 2020's comic on:


Tags #business, #sarcasm, #income, #soul, #money, #earn, #rent, #own

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert on couch at home: what good is earning money if it costs me my soul? dogbert: well, for one thing, it's the only way you can pay your rent. dilbert: rent? i own this house. dogbert: you really should read the things i ask you to docusign.