Catbert Comic Strips - Page 49

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655 Results for Catbert

View 481 - 490 results for Catbert comic strips. Discover the best "Catbert" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, thinking, twitter, witty tweets, power to destroy career, abusing employees, personal gain, business

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Boss: Carol, create a Twitter account under my name and send out witty tweets every day. Carol: Buwhahahaha! I hold in my hands the power to destroy your career and your reputation! Boss: Every now and then I question my strategy of abusing my employees for personal gain.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business ethics, honesty, shakespeare, born great, achieve greatness, steal, theft, shareholders

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CEO: Shakespeare said some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon 'em. I wonder which one I am. Catbert: Some steal from shareholders and call it greatness. CEO: Greatness of the fourth kind.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags coffee & tea, double coffee, success, work ethic, passion, necessary

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Wally: I'm double-mugging because I heard that passion is necessary for success. By 4pm I'll be so passionate I'll be dating my chair. Catbert: Nothing about that sounded right.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, mentors, drive steak through heart, business

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Boss: Asok, thanks to my mentoring, someday you will be just like me. Asok: Gaaa!!! Someone please drive a stake through my heart! Hurry! Boss: Apparently I don't know what mentoring is.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ex ceo, executives, generous, negotiated, severance package, wages, robotic flea, giant flea, money

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Catbert: Our es-CEO negotiated an unusually generous severance package. We had to build a giant robotic flea to suck the assets out of the company. The weird part is that it seemed reasonable at the time.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags engineer, good manager, leads by example, managers & supervisors, middle manager, monster truck rallies, suspicion, teaching, education, business, engineering

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Boss: A goo manager leads by example. How does it help an engineer to see an example of how to be a middle manager? Dilbert: That's like teaching physics by showing examples of monster truck rallies. Alice: Should we say dumb things, too, or have you not started leading by example yet? Wally: Now what is he doing/ Are we supposed to do that? Dilbert: I think he's leading by example now! Boss: I'm starting to wonder if everything I read on the Internet is wrong.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cats & kittens, physics, famous physicist, zombie

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Catbert: This is Wulf. He used to work for a famous physicist named Schrodinger. He escaped before the experiment was finished and now he's both alive and dead at the same time. Dilbert: Like a zombie? Catbert: Uh-oh. Wulf: Wow. I have half a mind to be offended by that.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags deception, managers & supervisors, company policy, rate staff, no upper body strength, real reason, business

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Boss: Company policy says I have to rate one-third of my staff as "Does not meet expectations." I chose the two of you because you have no upper body strength. This way it's safer if you go berzerk. I thought you said I should tell them the reason I picked them. Catbert: Not the real reason.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, time estimate, propsal, win bid, wet sponge, insulted me, business

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Boss: I adjusted your time estimate on the proposal from two years to one so we could win the bid. I plan to make up the time by squeezing you like a wet sponge that insulted me. Then the wet sponge insulted me.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags executives, wages, media, overpaid, ceos, executive pay, sultan of brunei, larry elliosn, god, Religion, Entertainment, money

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CEO: The media is saying I'm overpaid compared to other CEOs. That's crazy. Do a benchmark study of executive pay, including the Sultan of Brunei, Larry Ellison, and God. Make sure my pay ends up somewhere in the middle so it doesn't look suspicious.