Better Plans Comic Strips - Page 49
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563 Results for Better Plans
View 481 - 490 results for better plans comic strips. Discover the best "Better Plans" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday September 29,
2016
Bribing Wally
Tags #bribe, #morals, #laziness, #work ethic
Transcript
Wally: I don't have time to help. Coworker: What if I bribe you to do your job? I am literally offering to give you my personal money to do the job your employer pays you to do. Wally: Are you willing to turn a blind eye to my total lack of effort, or should I find a better briber?
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Sunday October 09,
2016
Tags #insult, #meeting, #tardiness, #punctual, #badmouth, #business
Transcript
Dilbert: It seems that everyone but Ted made it to this meeting. If we proceed without Ted, our decisions will be underinformed. If we try to reschedule a meeting with all of us, we will miss the critical deadline. Thanks to Ted, we have two ways to lose and no way to win. I say we use this time to say bad things about Ted to make ourselves feel better. I'll start. Ted is a lazy, selfish loser, If I could travel through time, I would prevent Ted's parents from meeting. Don't look at me like I'm the one who came late.
Friday October 28,
2016
Men Who Do The Driving
Tags #dating, #driving, #Men, #conversation, #relationships
Transcript
Woman: I like a man who always offers to do the driving on dates? Dilbert: Like Uber? Woman: But less expensive, and no waiting. Dilbert; So you're saying I'm better than Uber? Woman: You would be if you didn't talk.
Sunday November 27,
2016
Tags #logic, #reasoning, #laziness, #work ethic, #excuse, #chaos theory
Transcript
Woman: When will you finish the technical review? Wally: That will depend on a variety of unknowns. A lot can happen between now and whenever you imagine I might be done with it. No one knows the future. I'd be a liar if I said I did, and you don't want a co-worker who is a liar, do you? Or do you? Woman: Lying would be better than whatever this is. Wally: In that case, I'll have it tomorrow.
Sunday December 04,
2016
Tags #scam, #language, #accent, #communication
Transcript
Dogbert: I'm starting a foreign accent schools for the lazy. People assume you're smarter when you know more than one language. But learning a new language takes too much work. So I'll teach you how to speak your own language with a foreign accent. People will assume you are bilingual at the very least. And when you use bad grammar with a foreign accent it makes you look adorable. You'll never need to do another courtesy laugh, either. People will just assume you didn't get the joke. Dilbert: This is one of your better ideas. Dogbert: You should hear it with an accent!
Thursday January 12,
2017
Coaching Alice
Tags #coaching, #mentor, #boss, #manager, #Advice
Transcript
Boss: Do you want some coaching? Alice: Heck yes. If you find someone who knows my job better than I do, send them my way. Boss: Maybe I could share my wisdom with you. Alice: Can you teach me how to stay calm when some idiot interrupts me?
Sunday January 22,
2017
Tags #conversation, #analogy, #false equivalence, #frustration
Transcript
Narrator: The bad analogy guy. Dilbert: And that's why I want to rewrite that part of the software. Man: That's like closing the barn door after the horse gets out. Dilbert: No, it isn't anything like that. I just think the current software could bet better. Man: So it's like throwing away the baby with the bathwater. Dilbert: No, it is not like that even a little! Man: You sound exactly like Hitler. That can't be a coincidence. Dilbert: Nothing you say makes sense! Man: That's like saying the earth is flat.
Monday February 06,
2017
Agile Methodology
Tags #agile, #coding, #engineer, #method, #misunderstanding, #software, #technology, #engineering
Transcript
Boss: We're moving to an agile methodology for software development. I don't know all of the details, but I think one of you has to be designated the scrumbag. Does that sound right? Dilbert: It's better than I expected.
Saturday March 18,
2017
Devil's Advocate
Tags #devil's advocate, #demon, #devil, #anger, #idiom
Transcript
Boss: Do you mind if I play devil's advocate on this? Dilbert: Okay. Boss: Die! Die! Die! Suffer and burn forever!!! How was that? Dilbert: Better than I expected.
Wednesday April 05,
2017
Better Listener Robot
Tags #robot, #boyfriend, #free will, #programming, #listening, #Opinion, #relationships, #technology
Transcript
Alice: I'm updating your boyfriend code to make you a better listener. I want to see more nodding and less talking. Robot: But I have so much to offer. Alice: I'll dial back your ego, too.