Ceo Comic Strips - Page 49
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Character
627 Results for Ceo
View 481 - 490 results for ceo comic strips. Discover the best "Ceo" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday September 10,
2015
Understanding The Problem
Tags Advice, wisdom, criticism, bad advice, executives, success
Transcript
CEO Wisdom. Asok: Can you teach me to be a success? CEO: Yes, obviously. Stop everything you're doing now because it clearly isn't working. Asok: That's it? CEO: Understanding the problem is half the solution.
Sunday September 13,
2015
Tags character, behavior, role model, mentor, secret, psychology
Transcript
CEO: Character is how you act when no one is watching. Wally: Now you tell us? I thought you were my role model! Now I learn that you do all of your good stuff when no one is looking. It all makes sense now, because whenever I watch you do anything, it looks sort of dumb. But I'll take your word for it that you're awesome when no one is looking. Do you want to know what I do when no one is looking? CEO: I really, really do not. Wally: I call it character!
Tuesday September 22,
2015
Alice Should Network With Men
Tags catch-22, sexism, Women, sexist, attraction, success, glass ceiling
Transcript
CEO: Alice, the best way to break the glass ceiling is to do more networking with male co-workers. Alice: Can we talk about this over lunch? CEO: Wow. You are so into me.
Thursday September 24,
2015
Ceo Compensation
Tags money, worth, salary, wages, fairness, fair, pay, expenses, saving, rich people, executives
Transcript
Dilbert: I just saw your net worth on the Internet. What's this meeting about anyway? CEO: It's about keeping expenses down. Dilbert: More for you? CEO: That's not the spin I was going to put on it.
Friday September 25,
2015
Ceo's Yacht
Tags hypocrisy, money, salary, wages, net worth, rich people, yacht, obliviousness, saving, cost
Transcript
CEO: We must learn to do more with less. Alice: You own a yacht that has an 18-hole golf course, and a landing strip for your jet, and its own zip code. CEO: I got a good deal on that. Alice: That's what the idiot that buys it form you will say, too.
Sunday September 27,
2015
Tags illusion, strategy, business, executives, bluff, bluffing
Transcript
CEO: Revenue is dropping, but don't panic. We have a new strategy that will fix everything. Dilbert: How do you know it's a good strategy. CEO: I can tell by looking at it. Dilbert: Why don't all failing companies create great new strategies and become profitable? CEO: Hmmm. Good question. Dilbert: Maybe it's because no one can tell a good strategy from a bad one, but acting like you know the difference gets you a bigger paycheck. CEO: I just need buy-in for the strategy. Wally: If you give me a raise, I can pretend to know it's good.
Saturday October 03,
2015
Tags idea, brainstorm, bald, baldness, hat, steal, patent, invention
Transcript
CEO: I thought of a product idea that could solve the baldness epidemic. Imagine an opaque material in the shape of a dome that puts the top of one's head in stealth mode. Dilbert: We could call it a "hat." CEO: Stop trying to steal my idea!
Tuesday October 13,
2015
It Takes More Than Luck
Tags success, intelligence, privilege, nepotism, obliviousness, confusion
Transcript
CEO: Asok, it takes more than luck to be successful. You also have to be smart. Asok: How did you select your level of intelligence before birth? CEO: I don't understand the question. Asok: Now I am getting mixed messages.
Friday October 23,
2015
Stress Typo On Website
Tags health, wellness, corporate policy, stress, medical leave, laziness, loophole, typo, mistake, work ethic
Transcript
CEO: How many employees did you say took paid medical leave? Catbert: All of them. A typo on our wellness website listed stress as an illness instead of a cause of illness. CEO: Is it too late to backpedal on the wellness thing? Catbert: I'll just fix the typo. It's all good.
Monday October 26,
2015
Employees Keep Agreeing
Tags furniture, office, arrangement, laziness, loophole, efficiency, management, work ethic, excuse
Transcript
Boss: I told the employees about our plan to boost productivity by changing the floor layout. Now they claim they can't get their work done because the current floor plan is inefficient. Hoe do I get them to stop agreeing with me? CEO: What do you usually do?


