Fire Everyone Comic Strips - Page 49

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496 Results for Fire Everyone

View 481 - 490 results for fire everyone comic strips. Discover the best "Fire Everyone" comics from Dilbert.com.

Assigning Dilbert To Project

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Assigning Dilbert To Project - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #network, #redesign, #project, #phase, #positive, #optimistic, #assign, #sarcasm

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boss: dilbert, i'm assigning you to the network redesign project. dilbert: what phase is that project in? is it in the initial stage, in which everyone is feeling positive and optimistic? or is it in the middle phase, in which everyone is finding away and hating the other team members? boss: it's in the death spiral phase. everyone is trying to assign blame to someone they already hate. they requested that i add you to the team. dilbert: to save the project? boss: um...okay, sure.

Ted And His Laptop

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Ted And His Laptop - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #employment, #fired, #laptop, #technology

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boss: today is your last day with the company, ted. so i need your company laptop back. ted: or else what? you'll fire me twice? boss: let's say you're not officially fired until you return the laptop. ted: and if i don't bring it back, will i never be fired? boss: um...

Wally Makes A Suggestion

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Wally Makes A Suggestion - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #sarcasm, #technology, #product idea, #idea, #debunk

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wally: did you see my brilliant product idea i emailed to you? boss: yes, i already debunked it in my mind. wally: perhaps you could share your reasons. boss: if it's such a great idea. why isn't someone else doing it? and if someone is already doing it, we are far too late. in order for your idea to be good, i would have to think you are smarter than everyone in the industry. and seriously, just look at you. anyone else have an idea? others: nope. nope, never. nope.

Everyone Is An Idiot

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Everyone Is An Idiot - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office workers, #sarcasm, #world, #idiot, #serious

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alice: sometimes, asok, i think everyone in the world is an idiot except for you and me. asok: i can't tell if you are serious. alice: i guess it's down to just me.

Virus From Where

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Virus From Where - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #health & safety, #office workers, #virus, #beard, #fuzzy, #hat, #country, #release, #luxembourg, #elbonian

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dilbert: there's a new virus that kills everyone who doesn't have a beard and a tall, fuzzy hat. wally: what country would release a virus like that? elbonian man: i'm hearing bad things about luxembourg.

Fired For Social Media

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Fired For Social Media - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #social media, #business, #technology, #employment, #fire, #offensive, #bad, #people, #twitter, #issues, #context, #sides, #associate, #monsters

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boss: dilbert: i need to fire you for your social media activities. dilbert: did i say something offensive? boss: i'm getting reports that you follow bad people on twitter. dilbert: i follow people on both sides of every issue so i can see the full context. boss: that might sound good on paper, but half of the people you follow are monsters of one sort or another. dilbert: isn't it obvious that enforcing this kind of standard can only lead in a bad direction. boss: no, i don't see that at all. all i see is that you associate with people who are monsters. ceo to boss: i'm getting reports that you follow dilbert on twitter.

Pandemic Vacation Days

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Pandemic Vacation Days - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #sarcasm, #technology, #company policy, #video conference, #vacation day, #vacation, #company rule, #pandemic, #go, #solve, #problem, #laptop

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boss and dilbert on video conference call. boss: human resources is on my back to make sure everyone uses their vacation days this year. it's a company rule. dilbert: what's the point of a vacation if we can't go anywhere because of the pandemic? boss: i'm only trying to solve my own problem here.

Disinfecting Keyboard

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Disinfecting Keyboard - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #technology, #fire, #software, #vendors, #disinfect, #keyboard, #random, #message, #accident, #mistake

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dilbert: i fired all of our software vendors and erased my hard drive as you ordered. boss holding bottle of disinfectant: really? i was disinfecting my keyboard, and i must have sent you a random message by accident. oops.

Closing Credits

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Closing Credits  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #closing credits, #finish, #zoom, #laptop, #goodbye, #people, #leave, #sarcasm

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dilbert on video conference call: okay, well, i see the closing credits scrolling by, so we must be done with our zoom call. voices from laptop: oh, i guess so. well, goodbye everyone. bye! dilbert: goodbye! dogbert: you added closing credits to a zoom call? dilbert: it's the only way to get people to leave.

Reschedule The Zoom Call

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Reschedule The Zoom Call - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #hear, #microphone, #broken, #reschedule, #zoom, #call, #laptop

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boss hosting video call. boss: hi, can everyone hear me? wally with laptop on bed: no, your microphone must be broken. we can't hear anything. boss: maybe i should just reschedule this zoom call. wally: that's how i'd play it.