Hope To Read Comic Strips - Page 49

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

493 Results for Hope To Read

View 481 - 490 results for hope to read comic strips. Discover the best "Hope To Read" comics from Dilbert.com.

Narcissist

Thank you for voting.
Narcissist  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 05, 2018's comic on:


Tags #confused, #ego, #jokes, #sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: You're a narcissist. Dilbert: You would need an inflated sense of your own importance to believe you can read my mind to compare my opinion of myself to your opinion of my worth. Tina: Huh? Dilbert: Sometimes my jokes are just for me.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 11, 2018's comic on:


Tags #boss, #cost, #engineering, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #ladder, #waste

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Do you know where I can find a ladder? Dilbert: I can help you with that, but it will come at a big cost. It took me all morning to finally get "in the zone" to figure out this bug. Your interruption will set me back to square one and cost an entire day of productivity. Meanwhile, the rest of the team can't do their work because they are waiting for me to fix this bug first. So yes, I can help you find a ladder. But it will cost the company about $12,000 in lost productivity. I hope you have a good reason to need a ladder. Boss: I do. Ten minutes earlier. Boss: I wonder what ceiling tiles feel like.

Teach Employees To Code

Thank you for voting.
Teach Employees To Code - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 22, 2018's comic on:


Tags #boss, #computers, #engineering, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #teaching, #smart

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: The job market is so tight we can't find any programmers. So I want you to teach some of our employees how to code. Dilbert: You mean the smart ones, I hope. Boss: No, we need the smart ones in their current jobs.

Wally's Doctor Note

Thank you for voting.
Wally's Doctor Note - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 05, 2018's comic on:


Tags #boss, #doctors, #employees, #excuses, #work, #writing

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Here's the note from my doctor that you asked for. Boss: I can't read the handwriting. Wally: That's how you know it's a real doctor's note. Boss: What's it say. Wally: It says I need lots of sleep at work.

Jargon

Thank you for voting.
Jargon - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 06, 2018's comic on:


Tags #confusion, #employees, #irritation, #language, #meetings, #sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: This was a great meeting. Are there any questions? Dilbert: I didn't understand any of the jargon you used for the past hour, so I have no idea what this meeting was about. Man: Why didn't you say something sooner? Dilbert: That's a good strategy for people who have hope.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 09, 2018's comic on:


Tags #communication, #frustrated, #office, #office workers, #talking

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Did Alice talk to you about the cost estimates? Ted: Mumble mumble. Dilbert: I can't hear you. Ted: Mumble mumble!!! Dilbert: Now you're just mumbling louder. Ted: Mumble mumble. Dilbert: Maybe you could turn toward me when you mumble and I can try to read your lips. Ted: Mumble mumble. Dilbert: I'm getting something about grapes, windshields, asthma, and blockchain. Ted: I didn't say any of those things. Dilbert: Okay. I understood that sentence. Now answer my question the same way. Ted: Mumble mumble.

Old Sayings

Thank you for voting.
Old Sayings - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 15, 2019's comic on:


Tags #boss, #email, #insult, #office, #office workers, #sarcasm, #sayings

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I discovered I can insult our boss if I make it sound like an old saying. He thinks all old sayings are wise. Wally: Here he comes. Boss: Did you read my email? Dilbert: A man who sends email has nothing to say.

Humans And Parakeets

Thank you for voting.
Humans And Parakeets - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 19, 2019's comic on:


Tags #boss, #carol, #research, #humans, #parakeets, #offspring, #blog, #deny

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I was doing some research on the internet and learned that humans and parakeets can mate and produce offspring. Carol: I don't believe that. Boss: It's true. I read about it on a blog. Carol: I wouldn't call that "research". Boss: Deny science much?

Average Idiot

Thank you for voting.
Average Idiot - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 17, 2019's comic on:


Tags #budget, #business, #office, #user interface, #idiot

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss: did you read my suggestions on the user interface? dilbert: yes, but we'll need a bigger budget if you want to make the user interface so easy that even you can use it. the boss: just make it so the average idiot can use it. dilbert: we did, but we didn't anticipate any below-average idiots.

Did You Get My Email

Thank you for voting.
Did You Get My Email - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 19, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #email, #managers & supervisors, #office, #talking

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss: did you read my email? dilbert: yes. dilbert: are you aware that email is a substitute for talking in person? the boss thinking: i thought i heard something about that.