Nose Job Comic Strips - Page 49
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991 Results for Nose Job
View 481 - 490 results for nose job comic strips. Discover the best "Nose Job" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday August 08,
2007
Tags spreadsheet, terrible job, boos, meeting, office, poorly conceived, complexity of real world, wrong cells, numbers don't lie, business
Transcript
The Boss: "Asok, according to my spreadsheet, you have been doing a terrible job." Asok: "Perhaps your spreadsheet is poorly conceived and does not capture the complexity of the real world." "And let's not forget the near certainty that your formulae are pointing to the wrong cells." The Boss: "Numbers don't lie."
Tuesday August 14,
2007
Tags assisnation, campigning, hateful, rat, running mate, unpopular, vice presidentail
Transcript
Dogbert: "Ratbert, I want you to be my vice presidential running mate." "Your job is to be so unpopular that no one will want to assassinate me." Ratbert: "I can do that!" Dilbert: "Seriously. Stop campaigning on my shoe." grrr!!!
Saturday August 25,
2007
Tags goodwill, balance sheet, mysetrious buyer, million dollars, job satisaction
Transcript
CEO: We have too much goodwill on the balance sheet. I decided to sell some of it. "A mysterious buyer offered a million dollars for the right to decrease our goodwill." Dogbert: "You might have a bit less job satisfaction next week."
Sunday August 26,
2007
Tags no rasie, oo many questions, can't do job, saved emails, policies and procedures, misperception, buy software, permission, emails, another question
Transcript
The boss: "I can't give you a raise because you ask me too many questions." "That's a sign that you can't do your job." Dilbert: "I anticipated your misperception and prepared for it." "I saved all of my e-mails and matched them to your policies and procedures." "For example, this is your e-mail saying we need your permission to buy software." "And here's my e-mail asking if I can buy some software." "Should I run through the other seven hundred documented examples?" The Boss: "There you go asking another question."
Tuesday August 28,
2007
Tags wealthy investor, list of cutomers, products to injure, lawyer, contract, list, legal
Transcript
The Boss: We financed our expansion by selling the goodwill on our balance sheet to a wealthy investor. Dogbert: "I made a list of the customers that I want your products to injure." "Your lawyer did a bad job on the contract." The Boss: "His name is on your list."
Thursday September 06,
2007
Tags fired, incompetent, everything, teach dilbert, how to do your job
Transcript
The Boss: "Carl, I have to fire you." "You're totally incompetent at everything you do." "Before you go, I'd like you to teach Dilbert how to do your job."
Saturday September 15,
2007
Tags vp of marketing, spray paint the oadkill, dishonesty, isn't mortal, won't work
Transcript
Dogbert, the VP of marketing Dogbert: "It's my job to spraypaint the roadkill." "I'll use a process the experts call 'dishonesty'." "My motto is 'if it isn't immoral, it probably won't work'."
Sunday September 16,
2007
Tags contract changes, last month, negotiate, not authorized, hope to wear you down
Transcript
Dilbert: "You didn't make any of the contract changes we agreed on last month." Ted: "That's how I negotiate." "I'm not authorized to make any changes to the contract." "And the executives who have that power will think I'm not doing my job if I ask them to do it." "So I agree to everything you ask, then I don't put any of it in the contract." "Over the course of several months I hope to wear you down and make you sign the contract as is." Dilbert: "Can you at least change section three the way I asked? Ted: "Sure. No problem." "I'll see you in a month."
Tuesday September 18,
2007
Tags public relations, marketing claims, tap water, unleaded gasoline, reanimate the dead, lousy job, job easier
Transcript
Dogbert, VP of marketing PR: "As head of public relations, it will be my job to explain your marketing claims." Dogbert: "So?" PR: "You claim our product can turn tap water into unleaded gasoline and reanimate the dead." Dogbert: "Are you asking my to do a lousy job of marketing just so your job is easier?" PR: "Um..."
Sunday October 21,
2007
Tags help alice, argument, team work, control killing
Transcript
Wally: My accomplishment this week was helping Alice finish her project in a timely manner." Alice: "You didn't do anything to help me." Wally: "Sure I did." "Remember when I came to your cubicle to ask for some data I need for my project?" "You said you were too busy, and shooed me away." Alice: "If I had insisted on doing my job, you would have had less time to do yours." Wally: "It's called teamwork." "Are we still big on that?" Alice: "Must control...First...Of...Death."


