Service Business Comic Strips - Page 49

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Service Business

View 481 - 490 results for service business comic strips. Discover the best "Service Business" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags evil director, human resources, help balancing, personal life, no love, sound sunhealthy, pill crybaby, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources. "I need help balancing my career with my personal life." "I recommend a book called "No one will ever love you." It'll crush your hope for a personal life and free up more time for work." "That sounds unhealthy." "Take a pill, crybaby."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags core values, integrity, value, honesty, excellence, inherent conflicts, fund na dpassionate, all of them, hygiene

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "Our core values are service, intergrity, respect, teamwork, responsibility, trust, diversity, value, honesty, fun, passion, fairness and excellence." wally: "How should we deal with the inherent conflicts? I mean, what if I want to be irresponsible in a fun and passionate way?" The Boss: "You have to do all of them." "I notice that hygiene didn't make the list.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags shoddy mistakes, meeting, avoid mistakes, documented process, keep hearing, business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "In order to avoid shoddy mistakes, everything we do from now on will be part of a documented process." Wally: "What documented process did you use to decide what documented process to use?" wally: "Or is this one of those shoddy mistakes I keep hearing about?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cubicle, offcie, meeting, privacy, geographically dependant, benchmark test, business

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss: "Dilbert, come to my office for a minute." Dilbert: "What's in your office?" The boss: "You and I will be there." Dilbert: "If you just want to talk, we can do it right here and save us both some time." The boss: "Maybe we need privacy, did you ever think of that?" Dilbert: "Do we need it?" The Boss: "No, that was just an example. There are many, many reasons why we should talk in my office." Dilbert: "I'll be fascinated to find out what kind of information is geographically dependent." The Boss: "Now, do you have the results from the Benchmark Tests?" Dilbert: "Yup. In my cubicle."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags elbonians, demanding bribes, overpaid consultants, legal, won't get caught

View Transcript

Transcript

"The Elbonians are demanding bribes, or else they won't do business with us." "Hire them as overpaid consultants and don't ask them for anything. That way, it's all legal." "And by legal you mean won't get caught?" "Po-tay-to, po-tah-to."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags must bride, elbonians, nuclear weapon, microwave instead, persian rugs

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: The Elbonians won't do business with my company unless we bribe them. Dogbert: offer to give them plans for building a nuclear weapon, Then give them plans to build microwave ovens instead. Dilbert: would that work? Dogbert: why do you think our garage is full of persona rugs?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags evil wind blowing, dark soul, evil director, human resources, employee survey, over reacted, well being, business

View Transcript

Transcript

"I feel an evil wind blowing my way." "My soul is filling with darkness...Suddenly I am cold, oh, so cold." Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources "Hello-o-o, Asok." "GAAA!!! What are you doing here?!!" "It's time for the annual Employee Satisfaction Survey." "Perhaps I overreacted. I don't see how this could possibly be bad." "It is evident from these questions that you care about my wellbeing!" "I love the part where they think I'm here to help." Purr Purr Two Weeks Later "They're delighted with their benefits. It looks like we can save some money there."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags urgent, budget numbers, technology, amazing, data, delete spam

View Transcript

Transcript

Subject: URGENT Dilbert, give me your budget numbers as soon as possible. "Technology is amazing. I type one message and within minutes I'll have my data." "First order of business: Delete all spam e-mail that has a subject of 'Urgent'."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags stealth layoff, evil director, human resources, worthless employees, job no longer exists, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources "I call it a stealth layoff." "We move all of the worthless employees to the same project. When it's done, we tell them that their jobs no longer exist." "I don't like the look of this."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally Interviews "The job doesn't have a base salary." "You'll pay us $1,000 per month and work from home. If you make any money for us, we'll give you 10%." "You're not allowed to have business cards. And you can't use our name." "Can I have a private office in my house?"