Avoid Work Comic Strips - Page 49
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1000 Results for Avoid Work
View 481 - 490 results for avoid work comic strips. Discover the best "Avoid Work" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday April 07,
2015
Useless Mansplainers
Tags mansplainer, relations between the sexes, sexism, Women, engineers, programmers, furstration
Transcript
Alice: I can't get any work done because my project team is a bunch of useless mansplainers. Why do men feel the need to explain things to me when I know more than they do? Boss: Let me explain it to you, Alice. Men like to show off and feel important. Alice: Stop it!
Sunday April 05,
2015
Tags work ethic, work, google, big business, projects, ideas, innovation
Transcript
CEO: We're borrowing a policy from Google because they are so awesome. You may now use 20% of your workday on your own project ideas. Dilbert: Are you saying we can do 20% less work on our core functions? CEO: No, no. Nothing like that. I'm saying you can work on your own project ideas for 20% of your time. Dilbert: Okay... so... if the 20% doesn't come out of our work hours, where does it come from? Alice: I think he's trying to make us work 20% longer for the same amount of pay. Dilbert; We could just tell people we do it, but not do it. CEO: Same as Google! That's all I'm asking.
Saturday April 04,
2015
Dilbert's App Evaluates Job Candidates
Tags social interaction, social media, coders, coding, engineers, friends, work ethic, social life, technology
Transcript
Dilbert: I invented an app that evaluates job candidates based on their online footprint. Here's a guy with no friend, no hobbies, no family, and hundreds of high-quality code submissions to GitHub. Wait, that's me. Boss: Do you have any apps about other people?
Wednesday March 18,
2015
Wall The Company Taint
Tags Promotion, manager, taint, success
Transcript
Wally: You're looking at the new vice president of zombie projects. The projects that will neither succeed nor be canceled are transferred to me so the other VP's avoid their taint. Alice: I guess that makes you the company's taint. Wally: I wear that label proudly.
Saturday March 14,
2015
Wally Is Not Hungry To Succeed
Tags mentor, mentoring, protege, wages, executives, ceos, compensation, work ethic, success, money
Transcript
CEO: I've been mentoring you for a week. Do you feel different? Wally: Yes. Spending time with you makes me feel underpaid. CEO: And that makes you hungry to succeed? Wally: I don't even see how those things are connected.
Friday March 13,
2015
Wally Is Ceo's Pet
Tags bad influence, mentoring, mentor, protege, laziness, work ethic, changes
Transcript
Alice: How's it feel to be the CEO's pet employee? Wally: We call it mentoring. Alice: Has it changed you? Wally: No, but he seems more useless lately. Alice: I guess there's no backflow preventer on mentoring.
Thursday March 12,
2015
Learning To Avoid Responsibility
Tags mentoring, mentor, mentors, protege, criticism, responsibility, Advice
Transcript
CEO: No matter how much I mentor you, you still act the same. Wally: That's because you're a terrible mentor. You owe me an apology for wasting my time. CEO: I don't think the problem is on my end. Wally: Are you teaching me how to avoid taking responsibility?
Tuesday March 10,
2015
Ceo Agrees To Mentor Wally
Monday March 09,
2015
Wally Will Work When He Is Dead
Tags death, strategy, work ethic, work, philosophy, perfect system, medical
Transcript
Coworker: I noticed you don't do much work. Wally: My philosophy is that there will be plenty of time to work when I'm dead. Coworker: But you won't be here to do it. Wally: I guess you don't know what a perfect system looks like.
Sunday March 08,
2015
Tags catch-22, compliment, compliments, insult, insulting, work ethic, technical skills, perfect attendance, risk averse, no social life, irrational needs, code writing puppet
Transcript
Boss: You're a perfect employee in many ways. Dilbert: I am? Boss: For example, you have excellent technical skills. Dilbert: That's true. Boss: And your attendance is perfect. Dilbert: Yes, it is. Boss: And you are too risk-averse to quit and start your own company. Dilbert: What? Boss: Plus, you have no social life to interfere with work.Dilbert: Are these still compliments? Boss: Combine all of that with your irrational need for approval, and it makes you a code-writing puppet. Did I already say you're underpaid? Dilbert: Stop complimenting me!


