Loyal Employees Comic Strips - Page 49

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

583 Results for Loyal Employees

View 481 - 490 results for loyal employees comic strips. Discover the best "Loyal Employees" comics from Dilbert.com.

Talking About The Last Job

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Talking About The Last Job - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #personality, #comparing, #employees, #dumb, #business, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: I will now compare my last job to this one because it is all I ever talk about. Everyone was so much smarter at my old job. Fuh-fuh-fuh-fuh. Dilbert: I assume that's why they fired you. Man: Lucky guess.

Bought His Last Company

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Bought His Last Company - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #comparison, #comparing, #merger, #acquisition, #liquidation, #layoff, #redundancy, #big business, #competition, #darwin

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: That's now how we did it at my prior company. Boss: We bought your old company, fired all of the employees, and discontinued all of its products. Man: How is that possible? Boss: It's called "survival of the fittest." It's just science.

Picking The Spaceship Staff

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Picking The Spaceship Staff - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #space, #space flight, #rocket, #death, #sacrifice, #astronaut, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: How's the Mars spaceship project going? Boss: Good. I picked our worst employees to be on the first test flight, just in case it explodes. CEO: Good thinking. Boss: We have two ways to win and no way to lose.

Elbonians Jumping Off Roof

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Elbonians Jumping Off Roof - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #jump, #height, #suicide, #struggle, #failure

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: We have a problem at our Elbonian manufacturing plant. Employees are leaping from the roof to end their lives. Boss: It's only two stories high. Dilbert: That's the problem. It takes three jumps to do it right.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #avoiding, #avoidance, #offense

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina; Are you going to the department meeting? Dilbert: Yes, as soon as I plan my route. I have seven co-workers who I need to avoid on the way. Three are nonstop talkers. The other four ask me for something every time I see them. I've mapped their likely locations and I'm working out an avoidance path. Yes, I think I can do it. Tina: Is that my name on your list of employees to avoid? Dilbert: I didn't say it was a perfect system.

Cultural Fit

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Cultural Fit - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #culture, #intelligence, #hiring

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: We're looking for employees that fit our culture. Man: What's so great about your culture is that it can't be improved? Dilbert: You might be too smart to work here. Man: That's the vibe I'm getting too.

Culture As An Asset

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Culture As An Asset - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #company, #culture, #motivation, #strategy, #buzzword, #jargon, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I've been telling employees that our culture is our best asset. Catbert: Do they pretend that makes sense? Boss: Yes, because we have a culture of lying to avoid conflict.

Randy Has A Microchip In His Brain

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Randy Has A Microchip In His Brain - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #intelligence, #technology, #nanotechnology, #biotechnology, #computer chip

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Randy is our first employee to have a computer chip embedded in his brain. Randy, please explain to these obsolete employees how awesome you are now. Randy: Wait... I'm updating my software. Alice: Should we kill him while he's vulnerable?

Boss Wants Private Office

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Wants Private Office - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cubicle, #office, #office workers, #privacy, #open office

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: The employees are complaining because our new open office plan has too many distractions. CEO: You want to go back to cubicles? Boss: No, I just need a private so I can't hear them complaining.

Robot Will Crush Employees

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Robot Will Crush Employees  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #robot, #boss, #manager, #threat, #artificial intelligence, #control, #power

View Transcript

Transcript

Robot: Thanks to advances in artificial intelligence, I am both a robot and your new boss. Work hard while I do nothing or I will crush each of your skulls with my mechanical arms. Dilbert: He's tough, but he's fair. Wally: And no micromanaging. I find it refreshing.