Promoted Top Angel Comic Strips - Page 5

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210 Results for Promoted Top Angel

View 41 - 50 results for promoted top angel comic strips. Discover the best "Promoted Top Angel" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 19, 1995's comic on:


Tags #boss types, #handy refrence, #hostage taker, #cucbicle, #talks ear off, #vigorous head noodling, #subnet, #ip addresses, #motivational lair, #mushroom, #qualitize, #paradigm, #inundate, #bonus, #80 hour weeks, #moses, #perfect boss, #died thursday afternooon

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The panel is titled, "Boss Types." Dogbert holds a pointer and says, "Find your boss on this handy reference." The caption says, "Hostage taker: Traps you in your cubicle and talks your ears off." A man stands in the doorway saying, "Blah blah." A man at a desk says, "Ow!!" as his ears fall off. The caption says, "Fraud: Uses vigorous head nodding to simulate comprehension." Dilbert says, "Then we'll subnet our IP addresses." The man next to him nods his head and says, "Oh yeah. Oh yeah." The caption says, "Motivational Liar: Has no clue what you do but says you're the best." A man says, "Nobody can do what you do!!" The woman thinks, "Except a mushroom." The caption says, "Over Promoted: Tries to mask incompetence with poor communication." Three people sit at a conference table. A man says, "Let's qualitize our paradigm so we don't over inundate with datums." The caption says, "Weasel: Takes credit for your hard work." A man holding a bag of money tells a woman, "This bonus is for brilliantly forcing your staff to work 80 hour weeks." The woman replies, "It wasn't easy!" The caption says, "Moses: Perpetually waits for clear signals from above." The Boss, Wally and Dilbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Don't do anything important yet." Wally replies, "Never have." The caption says, "Perfect Boss: Dies of natural causes on a Thursday afternoon." Alice looks at a dead body and asks, "Should we do something?" Wally yells, "Three day weekend!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 16, 1995's comic on:


Tags #marketings approval, #flex power, #useless data, #major stallion, #wife address

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Dilbert stands in front of a the Vice President of Marketing's desk. The VP reads a document and says, "I could give you marketing's approval right now . . ." The VP continues, "Or I could flex my vice presidential power and send you to gather more useless data . . . My ego would expand and I'd be a major stallion with my wife tonight." The VP asks Dilbert, "Do you think you can top that?" Dilbert replies, "Ill try, sir. What's your wife's address?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 26, 1995's comic on:


Tags #saint dogbert, #mediate, #dispute, #computers, #desert and seek, #enlightenment, #path of computing, #plan springs, #endorsement, #contract, #end of line

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The Boss says, "I asked Saint Dogbert to mediate our dispute over what kind of computers are allowed here." Dogbert stands behind him wearing a miter and holding a scepter. Looking down from the top of a file cabinet, Dogbert raises his arms and says, "I shall go to the desert and seek enlightenment. When I return I will reveal the true path of computing." The caption says, "Palm Springs." Dogbert is at a table with a man holding a suitcase full of money. Behind the man is a woman with a sack of money. Dogbert says to the man, "You call this an endorsement contract?! Go to the end of the line!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 02, 1995's comic on:


Tags #new co - op employee, #no pay, #free, #gain experience, #pig project, #paper towel guy, #spills cofee, #throw body, #fire in the hole, #tea, #body throw

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The Boss, a man, Alice, Wally, and Dilbert sit around a conference table. The Boss points to the man and says, "I'd like you all to meet our new co-op employee." The Boss says, "We don't pay him. He works for free to gain valuable job experience." The Boss says to the man, "I'm putting you in charge of the PTG project!" The man says, "Wow! What is it?!!" Alice replies, "PTG stands for 'Paper Towel Guy.'" Alice explains, "If somebody spills coffee it's your job to throw your body on it before it reaches one of us." Alice spills a cup on the table and says, "Oops." The man flies through the air, yelling, "Fire in the hole!!!" The man lies on top of the spill. He asks, "How'd I do?" Alice says, Not so good, kid. That was tea."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 12, 1995's comic on:


Tags #more than me, #like computer, #girl friend, #jealous of computer, #that computer, #ask about lap top

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Dilbert sits at his computer. Liz says to Dilbert, "I think you like that computer more than you like me." Dilbert responds, "That's not true, Liz. I do NOT like that computer more than I like you." Dilbert thinks to himself, "Please, please don't ask about the laptop." Liz asks, "'That' computer?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 01, 1995's comic on:


Tags #desired salary, #million dollars, #how much expected, #misleading, #salary, #fantasy layered, #little shoulder massge, #15 %, #money

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Dilbert wears a suit and holds a briefcase. He says, "Wish me luck, Dogbert." Dogbert asks, "If you get more luck, wouldn't there be less luck available for me?" A woman at a desk looks at Dilbert's application and says, "For 'desired salary' you wrote 'one million dollars.'" Dilbert says, "Yes, thanks for asking." The woman says, "Perhaps the question is misleading. The application should have asked what salary you EXPECT." Dilbert replies, "Oh . . . Well, I expect you'll hire somebody more qualified and my salary will remain unchanged." The woman says, "No, too honest. I'm looking for something CLOSE to reality, with maybe twenty-percent fantasy layered on top." Dilbert replies, "Okay . . . I'd like a fifteen-percent raise and a little shoulder massage." Back at home, Dilbert asks Dogbert, "Why does it seem that I'm the only honest guy on earth?" Dogbert replies, "Your type tends not to reproduce."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 19, 1995's comic on:


Tags #heaven, #Dogbert, #relaxed standards, #automatic, #halo, #frisbees, #angel, #pearly gates

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Dogbert stands on a cloud across from an angel at a podium. The angel says, "Welcome to heaven, Mister Dogbert." Dogbert says, "Wow, it looks like you guys relaxed your standards!" The angel says, "Dogs are automatic. No matter what you do, there's always a place in heaven for every little dog." Dogbert takes the angel's halo off and stands on the podium. The angel puts his hands on his hips and says angrily, "I'd like that back now, if you don't mind!!" Dogbert says, "What kind of distance can you get with these little 'Frisbees?'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 20, 1995's comic on:


Tags #angel, #promoted top angel, #angel on earth, #help people, #mission assigned, #halo given, #Wally, #new hair, #buns of steel, #price list

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Angel 1: Mister Dogbert, we've decided to send you back to earth as an angel. Your mission is to help people in need. We have given you special powers. Angel 2: We'll be watching. wally: Okay, is whats the price for the new hair plus buns of steel? Ahem. Dogbert: Ist all on the price sheet.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 21, 1995's comic on:


Tags #special powers, #angel, #Dogbert, #snap of paw, #what people want, #instinctive, #boobs on man, #aim sticks

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Dilbert and Dogbert sit at a table in a restaurant. Dilbert asks, "Are you saying that you're an angel now? And you have special powers to help people." Dilbert replies, "Exactly. I instinctively know what people want and I can give it to them with a snap of the paw." Dogbert snaps in the direction of the waitress. Dilbert asks, "Are you having any trouble controlling it?" Dogbert says, "My aim stinks." Behind them, a waiter looks shocked to see that he suddenly has large breasts. The waitress looks angry.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 23, 1995's comic on:


Tags #revoke angel status, #bad name, #healing, #ugly people look attractive, #too late, #old look, #beautiful

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Dogbert sits at a desk. A voice from heaven says, "We've decided to revoke your angel status. You're giving us all a bad name." Dogbert says, "Your problem is that you define 'healing' too narrowly. I'm making ugly people look attractive, and that's important, too." Wally approaches Dogbert's desk. Wally's head has been replaced with Dogbert's head. He asks Dogbert, "Is it too late to go back to my old look?" Dogbert replies, "Why? You're beautiful!"