Being Doctor Comic Strips - Page 5

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580 Results for Being Doctor

View 41 - 50 results for being doctor comic strips. Discover the best "Being Doctor" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 20, 1998's comic on:


Tags #important conference, #creat interaction, #local and global issues, #being sarcastic, #sounds exciting

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Dilbert tells Dogbert, "I'm going to a very important conference." Dogbert asks, "What's it for?" Dilbert replies, "The brochure says the goal is to 'create interaction around local and global issues of the coming century'." Dogbert perks his ears up. Annoyed, Dilbert says, "You're being sarcastic with your ears agin." Dogbert says, "It sounds so exciting!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 28, 1998's comic on:


Tags #fertility drugs, #coffee, #tabloids, #million dollars, #doctor, #agent, #Advice, #medical

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Wally looking at a bloated Dilbert. Dilbert says, "My dog put fertility drugs in my coffee." Dilbert continues, "At first I was mad. Then the tabloids offered me a million dollars for my story." Wally inquires, "Have you seen a doctor?" Dilbert replies, "My agent advises against that."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 01, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #hospital, #doctor, #computer, #bed, #flu

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Dilbert sits on an examining table wearing only his underwear. He asks, "Is it the flu?" The doctor looks at a chart and says, "Hmm . . ." The doctor says, "I had the computer run an economic report on the market value of your organs." The doctor continues, "I could make thousands of dollars by selling your parts for transplants." The doctor continues, "Of course, this is all moot unless you die in my office while under my care." The doctor says, "But if I let you die from the flu then my malpractice insurance will go up again." The doctor continues, "But if you live I can continue to bill you for unnecessary tests." The doctor continues, "There's a slight economic advantage to keeping you alive . . . If you leave three pints of blood and do me a little favor." Back at home, Dilbert lies face down on the bed. He tells Dogbert, "Then I had to wax his Jeep with my clothes." Dogbert replies, "Apparently he didn't know what kind of fabrics you wear."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 30, 1998's comic on:


Tags #useful skills, #raising issues, #salespeople, #new prodcut, #have a meeting, #oxygen being wasted

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Ted stands behind Dilbert. Dilbert sits at his computer. Ted says, "I have no useful skills or knowledge. I compensate by 'raising issues'." Ted announces, "Our salespeople haven't been trained for the new product!!" Ted says, "Someone should have a meeting about that." Dilbert says, "Wow, I can actually hear oxygen being wasted."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 18, 1994's comic on:


Tags #pyramid scam, #marketing breakthrough, #new recruit, #amazingly wealthy, #being your own boss, #one thousand dollars, #the world pays, #money, #scam

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"Remember, it's not a pyramid scam, it's a marketing breakthrough!" "The beauty of it is a new recruit is born every minute." "Are we guaranteed to become amazingly wealthy?" "While being our own boss?" "Yes, unless you're lazy or ethical." "Each person you recruit pays you one thousand dollars. The recruits get their own recruits and charge them TWO thousand, and so on." "Eventually, every person on Earth will be giving you money. And that adds up." "You can't argue with the math." "I feel like we're a big family." "The best part is that every person on Earth will get rich!" "Actually, the last recruit kinda gets it in the shorts."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 18, 1994's comic on:


Tags #dogbert teaches math, #cut staff, #bonus worth, #expense requiremnets, #calculated, #budget, #multiply by one, #doctor, #flashlight, #projections come from, #medical

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The caption says, "Dogbert teaches business math." Dogbert points to a diagram of an equation. A picture of Wally, Dilbert and Alice illustrates the equation, "Grunts equals zero." The caption says, "#1. Any job that can be done by two people . . ." The Boss stands behind two people. The caption continues, ". . . Can be done by one person for half the cost." The Boss yanks one of the workers out of his chair. The caption says, "#2. A bonus today is worth more than . . ." The Boss holds a large bag of money. The caption continues, ". . . The whole company tomorrow." An office building has a closed sign on it. The caption says, "#3. Your expense requirements for December can be calculated . . ." The Boss sits at his desk writing on a piece of paper. The caption continues, ". . . By taking what's left in the budget and multiplying by one." A delivery person asks the Boss, "Giraffe goes where?" Dogbert says, "Next week, a doctor with a flashlight shows us where sales projections come from."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 11, 1996's comic on:


Tags #simple molecules, #powerful chemicals, #simple cells, #powerful life forms, #powerful comouters, #less capable components, #supreme being, #future, #god consciousness, #files, #web browser, #fly

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Dilbert and Dogbert walk through the park. Dogbert says, "Simple molecules combine to make powerful chemicals . . ." Dogbert continues, "Simple cells combine to make powerful lifeforms." Dogbert continues, "Simple electronics combine to make powerful computers." Dogbert continues, "Logically, all things are created by a combination of simpler, less capable components." Dilbert lifts Dogbert onto a rock. Dogbert continues, "Therefore, a supreme being must be our FUTURE, not our origin!" Dogbert says, "What if 'God' is the consciousness that will be created when enough of us are connected by the Internet?!!" Dilbert says, "That would certainly limit the types of files I download. I wonder what it would do to response times." Dogbert says, "It's so nice to spend time alone with my thoughts." Dilbert says, "My web browser would FLY!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 14, 1996's comic on:


Tags #making personal calls, #stealing, #fist of death, #eighty cents, #talk to family, #bill for overtime, #being competetive, #office supplies

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Alice sits at her desk. The Boss enters and says, "According to this phone bill, you've been making personal calls." The Boss continues, "That's like stealing from the company, Alice." Alice clenches her teeth, holds her fist and thinks, "Must . . . Control . . . Fist . . . Of . . . Death . . ." Alice looks at the telephone bill and says, "I only spent eighty cents to tell my family I was working late." Alice says, "Here's a dollar. The extra twenty cents is for the personal thought that I'm about to have on company time." Alice closes her eyes and imagines the Boss tied up with rope. She pictures handing him a stick of dynamite. Alice says, "And here's my bill for $40,000 in unpaid overtime that the company stole from me." The Boss replies, "That's not stealing; that's being competitive." Alice says, "I think I'll be competitive with a few bushels of office supplies later today."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 25, 1997's comic on:


Tags #discouraged, #pointy haired boss, #pep talk, #dead end job, #grinding away, #high blood pressure, #stock options, #doctor kevorkian

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Asok, Alice, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. Asok says, "Lately I've been feeling discouraged about my job." Alice says, "You should talk to our pointy-haired boss." Wally says, "That'll cheer you up." Asok says, "Maybe you're right. All I need is a little pep talk from our leader." He leaves the room. Alice, Dilbert and Wally laugh. Asok sits across from the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "You think YOU're discouraged . . ." The Boss continues, "I've been stuck in this dead-end job for years, grinding away, day after day." The Boss continues, "And all I have to show for it is high blood pressure and worthless stock options." Asok looks frightened. Dilbert and Wally stand behind Asok's desk. Dilbert says, "It's so gratifying to watch them grow up." Asok says into the telephone, "I need the number for Doctor Kevorkian."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 04, 1999's comic on:


Tags #immense ego, #seems normal, #decided, #doctor, #determine lives, #dies, #die from ulcer, #enjoy challenge, #medical

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Dogbert dressed in a crown and sceptar stands by Dilbert's computer. Dogbert says, "I need a job where my immense ego seems normal." Dogbert says, "I've decided to be a doctor. I will determine who lives and who dies!" Dogbert is in a doctor's office. He still wears the crown and has a stethoscope around his neck. A man in boxer shorts says, "What? I can't die from an ulcer!" Dogbert says, "Maybe not, but I enjoy the challenge."