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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 05, 1996's comic on:


Tags #both dead, #doing nothing, #hundred years, #spread joy, #whats funny, #working hard, #ratbert, #Dilbert

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Ratbert walks across Dilbert's desk and says, "You know what's funny? I'll tell you." Ratbert continues, "You're working hard. I'm doing nothing. In a hundred years we'll both be dead." Dilbert says angrily, "You might not need to wait that long." Ratbert says as he walks away, "I think I'll spread some joy over this way."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 05, 1997's comic on:


Tags #company training, #hope to learn, #bad toupee, #dead animal, #freak of nature, #general

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The caption says, "Company Training." The instructor stands at the front of the room and says, "Let's go around the room and we'll each say what we hope to learn." Alice, Wally and several other people sit in the audience. Alice says, "I hope to learn whether that thing on your head is a bad toupee, a dead animal, or a hideous freak of nature." The instructor pauses before writing on the easel and asks, "Can I call that 'general'?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 17, 1997's comic on:


Tags #boredom, #conference room, #dead emplyee, #employee of the week, #headcount down

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The Boss carries a dead body over his shoulder. He tells Dilbert, "I found another dead employee in the conference room." Dilbert looks shocked. The Boss continues, "I don't know what got him - the boredom or the hard work. But headcount is down one and the company has life insurance on him!" The Boss thinks, "It looks like I found my 'Employee of the Week.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 10, 1997's comic on:


Tags #industry survey, #our industry, #hugh technology, #textile workers, #teen agersm dead people

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The Boss, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "We did an industry survey to see how your salaries compared to the average." The Boss continues, "We didn't get the numbers we hoped for, so we broadened the definition of 'our industry.'" Wally says, "I'm so happy to be in the industry of 'high technology, textile workers, teen-agers, and dead people.'" Dilbert says, "I feel overpaid."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 09, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #the boss, #hire, #consultant, #cognitive, #dissonance, #employee, #morale, #absurd, #situation, #work, #minds, #comfortable, #illusion, #strange, #dead end, #job, #love, #mediocre, #freely

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Dogbert sits across from the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "Why should I hire you as my consultant?" Dogbert replies, "I'll use my special process of cognitive dissonance to improve employee morale." The Boss asks, "How does it work?" Dogbert explains, "When people are in an absurd situation, their minds rationalize it by inventing a comfortable illusion." The Boss says, "Okay, go do it." Dogbert asks an employee, "Isn't it strange that you have this dead end job when you're twice as smart as your boss?" Dogbert continues, "The hours are long, the pay is mediocre, nobody respects your contributions, and yet you freely choose to work here." The man looks upset. The man says, "It's absurd! No, wait . . . There must be a reason . . . I must work here because I LOVE the work." The man sits at his desk humming and thinking, "I love this job." Dogbert says, "Next!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 12, 1997's comic on:


Tags #presumed dead, #like to work, #finished three projects, #lost five pounds, #gave up coffee, #seven patents, #everyone prodcutive, #life without mangement, #paradise, #spoon hug

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Wally and Dilbert are wearing casual clothes. Dilbert is dancing and Wally sits at his computer. Wally says, "Now that our Boss is presumed dead, I found I like to work." Dilbert says, "I finished three projects today!" Alice leans into the cubicle and says, "I lost five pounds, gave up coffee, and applied for seven patents!" Dilbert says, "Go, Alice!" Wally says, "Life without management is like paradise!" Tina the Tech Writer walks in and says, "Who wants to spoon-hug?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 19, 1997's comic on:


Tags #downsized, #dinosaurs, #spike things, #safety hazrd, #ate ficus tree, #being professional

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Dogbert says to Dawn, Bob and Rex, "There's not enough room for all of you dinosaurs. One of you must be downsized." Bob says, "If it helps, these spikey things are a safety hazard. And little Rex ate your ficus tree." Dogbert says, "Thanks for being professional about this, Bob." Bob holds up Little Rex and says, "When you put him in good light, how cute is he really?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 20, 1997's comic on:


Tags #dinosaurs, #downsized, #fate, #vote by email, #jimmy carter, #monitor voting

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Dogbert says, "Should the Dinosaurs be downsized? You decide their fate." Bob, Dawn and Rex stand to one side looking worried. Vote by email: dinosaurs@unitedmedia.com A: I love the dinosaurs! B: Stick to office jokes! C: No talking animals! D: I don't have an opinion, but I like to vote! E: Get rid of everyone so I can use the blank space for notes. Ratbert says, 'There's a Jimmy Carter here to monitor the voting." Dogbert says, "Uh-oh."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 26, 1997's comic on:


Tags #role model, #using deception, #time management, #wally is dead, #daily planning session, #ideal role model

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Asok looks into Wally's cubicle. Wally says into the phone, "Wally is dead. Sorry." Asok thinks, "My role model is using deception to improve his time management." Wally leans back in his chair and sleeps. Asok looks over the cubicle wall and says, "And now the daily planning session." Alice says to Asok, "Asok, I don't think you've picked an ideal role model." Asok leans back in his chair and says, "Asok is dead."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 02, 1998's comic on:


Tags #improve moral, #prescribing anti depressants, #unwarranted optimism, #dead end job, #pills, #hr prescribed drugs, #employees happiness

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Alice says to Wally and Dilbert, "Human resources is prescribing powerful antidepressants to improve morale." Alice continues, "The label says it may cause 'unwarranted optimism about you dead-end job.'" Wally, "I gotta get me some of that."