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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 04, 2007's comic on:


Tags #options, #costs too much, #any research, #experience thing, #using technology

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Wally: I narrowed down the options to an alternative that costs too much and another that won't work. I didn't do any research. It's more of an experience sort of thing. Next week I plan to think about the option of using technology that isn't yet available."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 11, 2002's comic on:


Tags #technically impossible, #costs less, #much cheaper, #plan one or two, #engineers

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Dilbert says to The Boss, "Both plans are technically impossible." The Boss responds, "Which one costs less?" Dilbert says, "Um... I don't see how that matters, but plan one is cheaper." The Boss reports to his manager, "Plan one is the best." The manager responds, "I'll take it to our V.P." The manager is meeting with an associate. The associate says, "I like plan two." The manager replies, "Great minds think alike!" The associate approaches the V.P. The V.P. says, "Excellent. Ask one of our engineers to present plan two to the board." The Boss approaches Dilbert and says, "Guess what." Dilbert says to Wally, "Every day I make the world a little bit worse." Wally responds, "What's it like to make a difference?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 19, 2013's comic on:


Tags #paying bills, #trees, #off site document, #storage costs, #out of control, #core bsuiness, #trees are jerks, #money

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Boss: Our off-site document storage costs are growing out of control. At this rate, our core business can be summarized as "put trees in jail." This is when you say something wise and helpful. CEO: Trees are jerks.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 10, 2013's comic on:


Tags #apathy, #sleeping & waking up, #work ethic, #aggressive recruiter, #passive job seeker, #hidden gems, #passive, #falling in love

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Recruiter: I'm an aggressive recruiter looking for passive job seekers. Passive job seekers are hidden gems for recruiters, and you're the most passive one I've ever seen. Stop making me love you! Wally: ZZZZZZ.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 11, 2013's comic on:


Tags #deception, #prison (jail), #governments data, #hidden tunnel, #elbonian embassy

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NSA Agent: Maybe a few days in solitary will make you tell us how you stole the government's data. Dilbert: Is this the cell with the hidden tunnel? NSA Agent: The what? Dilbert: I'll be at the Elbonian embassy.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 01, 2014's comic on:


Tags #work ethic, #dark matter, #universe, #new excuse, #a-b test, #hidden dimensions

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Wally: The universe is full of dark matter, quantum strangeness, and hidden dimensions. In such a universe, can we really know whether or not I did my assignment? Dilbert: How'd the new excuse work out? Wally: It did well in the A-B test against "You never told me to do that."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 11, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #surgery, #discover, #convict, #Dogbert, #medical, #story, #arm chair, #escaped, #torso

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Dilbert yells, "Dogbert! I'm home after my second major surgery in two weeks!" Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on the hassock. Dilbert says, ". . . So after the first operation they discover that a tiny convict and a nurse had hidden inside my torso to escape . . ." Dogbert falls asleep. Dilbert turns toward the reader and says, "Boy . . . It sure is hard to keep a medical story interesting."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 29, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #doctor, #health, #nothing, #naked, #people, #thing, #cold, #office

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Dilbert sits on an examining table holding his arm. A man with a stethoscope says, "Here at the 'Jiffy Med Center' we do everything to keep your health costs down." The man continues, "In fact, none of us has any medical training so they pay us almost nothing." Dilbert asks, "Why do you do it?" The man grasps the stethoscope and replies, "I like putting this cold thing on naked people."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 13, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #romantic, #match, #life, #happiness, #key, #avoid, #person, #Catbert

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The caption says, "They say everybody has a perfect romantic match . . ." Dilbert and Dogbert walk outdoors. The caption says, "And they say the key to a life of happiness . . ." A woman who looks like Dilbert walks outdoors with her cat. The caption says, ". . . Is to avoid that person at all costs." As they pass each other Dilbert, Dogbert, the female Dilbert and her cat all think, "Yuck."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 26, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #justify, #computer, #Draw, #attention, #empowerment, #quiet

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Dilbert sits at his desk thinking, "I need to work on something big so I can justify my existence here." Dilbert thinks, "But not something important, because that would draw attention to me at a time of staff cuts." Dilbert thinks, "What can I do that costs a lot but nobody wants?" The Boss walks by thinking, "'Empowerment' sure made them quiet."