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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 07, 2001's comic on:


Tags #take this one, #hige mistake, #security reliability, #xq-7

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Dilbert is talking to a vendor. Pointing to a sheet of paper, Dilbert says, "I'll take this one." The vendor says, "No, no, no. Huge mistake." The vendor says to Dilbert, "You need the security and reliability of the XQ-7." Dilbert says, "Okay, I'll take the XQ-7." The vendor says, "Shoot! I wish my company made that one."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 22, 2001's comic on:


Tags #new hircut, #gargantuan, #mistake, #frighten children, #froze up, #Opinion

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Dilbert asks the rat and Dogbert, "What do you guys think about my new haircut?" Dogbert says, "It's a gargantuan mistake that will ruin your life, frighten children, and bruise fruit." Dogbert turns to the rat. The rat exclaims, "I'm all froze up! No one ever asked for my opinion before!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 23, 2002's comic on:


Tags #demoted, #one of the little people, #buddy, #anger, #eyebrows, #worked, #years, #snap out of it

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Headline: Demoted. The Boss says to Dilbert, "Hey buddy, can you teach me to be one of the little people?" Dilbert replies, "Buddy? My name is Dilbert. I worked for you for years." The Boss says, "Okay, now I'll try. Am I doing the eyebrows right?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 25, 2002's comic on:


Tags #gained empathy, #im not a loser, #promoted, #noble little people

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "Maybe it's a good thing that I was demoted to work among you noble little people." The Boss continues, "I have gained valuable empathy that will serve me well if I ever become a manager again." Carol walks past and says, "You've been promoted." The Boss exclaims, "Yee- Ha!! I'm not a loser!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 04, 2002's comic on:


Tags #pointy haired convict, #bust joint, #walking backward, #little joke, #fresh meat

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Headline: Pointy-haired Convict. The Boss is wearing a prison jumper and says to Wally, "I've got to find a way to bust out of this joint." Wally responds, "Try walking backward." The Boss says, "Well, that didn't work... Oh, I get it: This is a little joke you play on all the fresh meat."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 18, 2003's comic on:


Tags #multiple personalities, #fired cowboy, #little girl, #twins, #aftrenoon, #mime

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"I'm trying to fire a guy who has multiple personalities." "I'm exhausted. I fired the cowboy, the little girl, and the astronaut this morning. I'll do the twins later this afternoon." "I'm tired, but it's a good tired." "Can I do the mime?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 24, 2003's comic on:


Tags #3 page eamil, #clump of space, #separate long sentances, #ambling senttences, #little curvy thing, #comma

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Alice: "I got your three-page e-mail, and I brought you a gift." "It's a clump of blank space. You can use it to separate long, rambling, unrelated sentences." "Next week I'll introduce you to a little curvy thing that I call a comma."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 24, 2004's comic on:


Tags #moving, #movers, #boxes, #hire movers, #feeling weak, #walk by myslef, #little legs, #unmanly

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Dilbert: It feels unmanly to hire movers. I should be able to do this with a few friends and a pick up truck. Dogbert: The movers just pulled up. Dilbert: I don't like being weak. I can walk by myself! mover: On this little legs?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 13, 2004's comic on:


Tags #p/u ratio, #sky rocketing, #productivity, #useful, #mistake, #distarction, #backwards

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"Your P/U ratio is skyrocketing again." "My what?" "Productivity-to-usefulness. It means you produce a lot, but everything you produce is a mistake or a distraction." "I told you last time to do less work!" "Oooh... I did that backwards."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 14, 1999's comic on:


Tags #dogcart wrecking company, #special, #srushing, #new car, #parking lot, #cost, #monthly plan, #free model of car, #crush little one, #crush boss car

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Dogbert stands on Wally's desk, wearing a hardhat. Dogbert says, "I'm from the Dogbert Wrecking Company." Dogbert continues, "I'm running a special on crushing your boss' new car in the parking lot." Wally asks, "What does it cost?" Dogbert: "The first one is free." Dogbert adds, "If you're satisfied, I hope you'll consider my monthly plan." Wally is standing at the window with Dogbert, pointing outside. "It's the red one. He brags about it every day." The Boss is standing in front of Wally and Dilbert, holding up a model car. The Boss explains, "And when you spend that much, the dealer gives you a free model of your car!" There is a car horn heard off in the distance. Wally is slipping Dogbert a stack of bills. He adds, "And next month can you crush the little one on his desk too?"