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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 04, 2001's comic on:


Tags #reserve conference room, #everyday, #next year, #sociopath, #beat you to it, #slowest sociopath

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The Boss approaches Carol at her desk and says, "Carol, reserve the conference room every day for the next day in case I need it." Carol responds, "You're too late. Some other sociopath had the same idea and beat you to it." As The Boss walks away he thinks to himself, "I hate being the slowest sociopath."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 15, 2002's comic on:


Tags #fired from restuarant, #carried hot soup, #spray doning room, #soup, #blame soup

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Dilbert comes home and says to Dogbert, "I got fired from my job at the restaurant." Dilbert continues, "Every time I carried hot soup my thumb would slip in and I'd scream and spray the whole dining room." Dilbert continues, "I blame the soup." Dogbert replies, "Stupid soup."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 02, 2002's comic on:


Tags #man hating supervisor, #men are oblvious, #i quit, #vials, #storage room, #self respect, #no fun

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Headline: Man-Hating Supervisor. The supervisor says to The Boss, "The men here are oblivious to my abuse. What did you do to them?" The Boss replies, "I siphoned off their self-respect and keep it in vials in a storage room." The supervisor says, "This is no fun. I quit." The Boss responds, "Do you want to yell at the vials with me?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 11, 2002's comic on:


Tags #glass walled conference room, #main lobby, #fish bowl, #attractive employees, #send opinion, #convene tribunal

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Dilbert says to Carol, "Carol, I need to reserve the glass-walled conference room by the main lobby." Carol replies, "The 'Fish Bowl' is only available to attractive employees. We don't want to scare visitors." Dilbert says, "I want a second opinion." Carol replies, "Very well. I'll convene the tribunal of admin assistants."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 12, 2002's comic on:


Tags #efficient, #glass walled room, #name of case, #too unattractive, #tribunal of admin. assistants, #verdict, #humanity

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Carol says, "The tribunal of Admin Assistants will hear the case of..." Carol continues, "The man who is too unattractive to use the glass-walled conference room versus humanity." Dilbert exclaims, "You put the verdict in the name of the case!" Carol replies, "We're efficient."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 12, 2003's comic on:


Tags #cell phone not working, #short range, #same room, #tv remote control

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The Boss stops Wally and Dilbert in the hallway and asks, "Why isn't my cell phone working?" Dilbert responds, "That's a short-range cell phone. You need to be in the same room with the person you call." The Boss, Asok, and Alice are sitting. The Boss has his phone up to his ear. He thinks, "Answer the stinkin' phone, Alice." Asok asks, "Why are listening to a TV remote control?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 04, 2003's comic on:


Tags #casino for morons, #concept, #court room, #Dogbert, #gaming commission, #ratbert, #room full dolts, #jury, #legal

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Headline: Gaming Commission. Dogbert and Ratbert are sitting at a table. Dogbert says into a microphone, "My concept is a casino exclusively for morons." Dogbert continues, "Imagine a room full of oblivious dolts, and I'm taking advantage of them for personal gain." A woman on the commission asks, "When would that concept begin?" Dogbert replies, "About a minute ago."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 03, 2003's comic on:


Tags #conference calls from mens room, #idiotssyncrasies, #conference calls, #finished newspaper

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"Wally, there have been complaints that you take conference calls from the men's room." "Ok, perhaps I have a few idiosyncrasies, but it's only because I care so much about the work." "No one invited you to those conference calls." "What if I've already finished the newspaper?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 19, 2003's comic on:


Tags #competitive strategies seminar, #house keeping, #energency, #stay seated, #no mens room

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"Welcome to the competitive strategies seminar." "First, some housekeeping. In the event of an emergency, stay seated so I'll have a clear path to the exit." "And... there is no men's room in the building as far as you know."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 06, 2004's comic on:


Tags #cpr on blob, #fire in break room, #sprinkler system, #water melketed, #witch melted

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The Boss: "When I found out that the manager who replaced me was a witch, I set a fire in the break room." "The automatic sprinkler system came on and melted her. Witches don't like water." "Are you glad to have me back?" "I've been doing CPR on this blob for two days."