Search Results for "pretend to care"
Share July 14, 2010's comic on:
Dilbert says, "If my low self-esteem seems low, that's because I drove here in a rented tuna can on wheels." Dilbert says, "It was such a bad automotive experience that I can't even pretend you should care what I have to say." Dilbert says, "I loathe myself and the company that pays me. Who's with me on this."
Share August 24, 2010's comic on:
The Boss says, "I need you to delete all of the unnecessary data from our servers to make room." Dilbert says, "Technically it's all unnecessary because our decisions are always based on flawed logic anyway." The Boss says, "Can you pretend some of it is necessary?" Dilbert says, "Sure. Can you pretned I deleted the stuff that isn't?"
Share June 10, 2007's comic on:
The Boss: "Is your plan consistent with our corporate strategy?" Dilbert: "How would I know?" The Boss: "Don't you know our strategy?" Dilbert: "No. Do you?" The Boss: "Of course I do. It's something about leveraging our platforms." "Does your plan leverage our platforms?" Dilbert: "No, but I can rewrite my plan so it seems as if it does." The Boss: "Good. Go back and do that." "There's no point in having a strategy if you aren't going to pretend to follow it."
Share August 24, 2007's comic on:
Dilbert: "As you requested, I sorted the future product features into three priorities." "Let me know which group I should stop working on." Essential Critical Must-Have "This is the part where you pretend to add value."
Share October 24, 2007's comic on:
Dilbert: I'm addicted to the internet. "I no longer care for direct human interaction. It's too shallow and predictable." Therapist: "Maybe you shoudl try some outdoor activities." "I saw that coming."
Share October 24, 2004's comic on:
Asok: Wally how can you be so stress free? Wally: Its quite simple. Stress is caused by an unrealistic belief that people care about you, I, on the other hand expect pope to be like me. Lets visit ted and I'll show you how this works. Ted, do you have the budget numbers that you promised me? Thats next on my to-do lit. While he was lying to me, I told his stapler, so I came out a head. He forgot his mug, Im going to sip that puppy into my briefcase.
Share May 04, 2003's comic on:
Asok walks into Wally's cubicle and says, "Wally, can you teach me to work smarter, not harder?" Wally reaches for a stack of papers and says, "Grab an important-looking document and follow me." As they're walking, Wally says, "Walk briskly and pretend to be angry about what you're reading." Asok makes a mean face and says, "Grrrr." A co-worker approaches Wally and Asok and says, "Hey, Asok, would you help me...?" Wally and Asok both stare at their papers and say, "Grrrr." The co-worker continues, "Never mind." Wally says to Asok, "As a rule, people try to avoid anyone who has more problems than they do." Wally continues, "Lesson two: make sure your shirt and your toothpaste are the same color." Wally points to his shirt and says, "This baby is covered with toothpaste stains, but you'd never know it." Asok exclaims, "Wow!" Wally continues, "And how often do you need to launder a shirt that smells minty?" Asok exclaims, "Never!"
Share February 12, 2014's comic on:
CEO: Who's up for some leadership? Watch me define acceptable behavior, align your goals with company objectives, prioritize respect, deal directly with conflict, maintain a positive attitude, and pretend to care! Wally: That would be impressive. CEO: Settle down, Bilbo.
Share May 04, 2014's comic on:
Boss: Does anyone have any billion-dollar product ideas? Dilbert: There's a logical problem with that question. If I had a billion-dollar idea, I would quit this job and start my own company. Only a dumb person would give you his best idea for free. And the best idea from a dumb person is still dumb. But I am willing to give you some ideas that are too lame for my own use. Boss: Can you at least pretend to suggest good ideas? Dilbert: Sure. How about a phone with a wooden screen? Wally: How about a drone that attacks anyone who looks at it?
Share November 13, 2014's comic on:
Boss: I need you to organize some sort of memorial thing for Fred. Carol: You mean Ted. Boss: I'm thinking cake and balloons in the break room. Is that tasteful enough? Carol: I could hire a mime to pretend he's in an invisible box.