Tells Life Story Comic Strips - Page 5

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786 Results for Tells Life Story

View 41 - 50 results for tells life story comic strips. Discover the best "Tells Life Story" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 27, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #school, #common, #sense, #story, #clayton, #auto, #mechanic, #cigars, #gasoline, #engine, #lightning, #guess

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Dogbert stands in a dark classroom holding a pointer and using an overhead projector. Dogbert says, "This is the story of Clayton the Auto Mechanic." Dogbert continues, "Clayton smoked cigars while working on gasoline engines. What problem did this cause?" The projector shows an explosion. A man wrapped in bandages says, "He was hit by lightning every time?" Dogbert asks, "Does anybody beside Clayton have a guess?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 20, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #ridiculous, #Dilbert, #supercomputer, #create, #model, #predict, #life, #brain, #chemistry, #patterns, #cause and effect, #free will, #mad, #implies

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Dilbert sits at a desk and works on his supercomputer. Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I'm using my new supercomputer to create a model that can predict your entire life." Dilbert continues, "You see, everything, including your brain chemistry, is subject to predictable patterns of cause and effect . . ." Dogbert replies, "That's ridiculous. It implies that we have no free will." Dilbert looks at the monitor and says, "Next, you start getting really mad at me."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 21, 1992's comic on:


Tags #computer, #squirrels, #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #script, #life, #super, #model, #predict, #future, #nut mines, #evil, #kidnapped

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Dilbert hands a book to Dogbert and says, "Here's the full script of the rest of your life. My supercomputer model predicted it." Dogbert reads the script and says, "Well, according to this I'll be kidnapped by evil squirrels and forced to work in their nut mines." Dilbert says, "They get me too." Dogbert says, "I didn't know that evil squirrels had nut mines." Dilbert replies, "It's probably too late to do anything about it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 05, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #tim, #Promotion, #sacrificed, #health, #life, #soul, #worth, #office, #door, #low achiever day, #touch

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Tim says to Dilbert, "I've sacrificed my health, my personal life and my soul to get promoted." Tim continues, "Ha ha ha! But it was all worth it because I have an office with a DOOR and you still work in a cubicle!" Tim continues, "Maybe I'll host a special 'Low-Achiever Day' to let you touch my door." Dilbert imagines closing Tim in his door.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 10, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #sarcasm, #Dilbert, #warrior, #battle, #memos, #meetings, #image, #eternity, #life, #pathetic, #help

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Dilbert stands in front of the dresser mirror tying his necktie and Dogbert sits on the bed. Dogbert says, "The mighty warrior prepares for battle . . ." Dogbert continues, "Today, bold memos will be written, dangerous meetings will be attended, and many a photocopied image will be captured for eternity." Dilbert says, "If it weren't for sarcasm, my life would sound pathetic." Dogbert replies, "Glad to help."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 12, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #Women, #write, #letters, #guys, #prison, #commit, #crime, #long, #improve, #social life, #personals, #ad, #resort

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Dilbert sits on the floor and leans against the couch and Dogbert sits on the couch. Dilbert asks, "Why do women write letters to guys who are in prison?" Dilbert continues, "Maybe if I commit a crime I can go to prison just long enough to improve my social life." Dogbert asks, "Why not do a personals ad instead?" Dilbert replies, "That's more of a last resort."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 26, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #photo, #proof, #completed, #hit-man, #contract, #Dilbert, #sitting, #lifeless, #stuffed, #chair, #looks, #watching, #technically, #kill, #prove, #life

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Dogbert hands a photograph to a man behind a desk and says, "Here is photo proof that I completed my hit-man contract on Dilbert." The man replies, "Excellent." Dogbert says, "Here he is, sitting lifeless in his stuffed chair." The man looks at the picture and says, "It looks like he's just watching television." Dogbert says, "Technically, my contract doesn't say I must kill him. It says I must 'prove he has no life.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 07, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #general, #department, #government, #cover-ups, #u.f.o., #abduction, #story, #untraceable, #poison, #good, #value, #tax, #dollar, #breath, #mint

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Dilbert opens the door and sees a man in a military uniform. The general says, "I'm a General from the Department of Government Cover-ups." The man continues, "If you tell your U.F.O. abduction story to the press we'll slay you with untraceable poison." Dilbert says, "I don't think I'm getting a good value for my tax dollar here." The General asks, "Breath mint?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 13, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #romantic, #match, #life, #happiness, #key, #avoid, #person, #Catbert

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The caption says, "They say everybody has a perfect romantic match . . ." Dilbert and Dogbert walk outdoors. The caption says, "And they say the key to a life of happiness . . ." A woman who looks like Dilbert walks outdoors with her cat. The caption says, ". . . Is to avoid that person at all costs." As they pass each other Dilbert, Dogbert, the female Dilbert and her cat all think, "Yuck."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 17, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #laughed, #joke, #hard, #inhaled, #snorted, #time, #choked, #spit, #lurch, #bonk, #head, #coffee, #table, #ignoring, #life, #boring

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Dilbert sits in his chair reading the newspaper and Dogbert sits on Dilbert's legs. Dogbert asks, "Remember the time you laughed at your own joke so hard that you inhaled and snorted at the same time?" Dogbert continues, "Then you choked on your own spit, which caused you to lurch over and bonk your head on the coffee table . . ." Dogbert asks, "Who says your life is boring?" Dilbert replies, "I'm ignoring you."