Number Comic Strips - Page 5

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

124 Results for Number

View 41 - 50 results for Number comic strips. Discover the best "Number" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cost estimate, #user requirements, #estimate, #go over budget, #fired, #Number, #ten million dollars, #know cost, #input

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "I need a cost estimate on your project." Dilbert: "I have no idea I haven't even gathered the user requirements." The Boss: "Don't worry I won't hold you to the estimate." Dilbert: "Yes you will. You will put it in the plan, forget we had this conversation, and fire me when I go over budget." The boss: "Give me a number or I'll fire you right now." Dilbert: "Okay, it will cost ten million dollars." The Boss: "That's too high." Dilbert: "If you already know the cost why are you asking me?" The Boss: "So you'll feel like you had input." Dilbert: "Is input supposed to feel this bad?"

Top Dilbert Searches

marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #tech writer, #salary, #number of pages, #high volume, #low quality, #hairball, #pocket, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina the tech writer The Boss: "I decided to base your salary on the number of pages you write." Tina: "Fine. I'll give you a high volume of low quality work." The Boss: "Sometimes the best you can do is move the hairball to another pocket."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deception, #business card, #no @ sign, #email, #missing number, #phone number

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally : Mere's my card. Let me know if I can be of further assistance. Coworker: Your phone number is missing a digit and your email address doesn't have an @ symbol. Wally: I didn't say it would be easy.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #direction, #managers, #increase clairty, #whining

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: employees keep whining that we don't have a clear direction. So Ive doubled the number of managers one each group to increase the clarity. The Boss: I thought we were doubling the direction. No, we're doubling the clarity.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #conversation, #worry, #complints, #creepy speech, #massage therapist, #rusty van

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Pete, I'm getting complaints that everything you say is creepy. Man: You seem tense. I should give you the number of my massage therapist, "Rubbin, Robin." Boss: You're doing it again. Man: I don't have an address because he works out of a rusty van.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dating, #rich people, #top 1%, #Women, #sisters, #hot, #attraction, #co worker, #relationships

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Now that I'm a top one-percenter, I wonder what kind of women I'll attract. Do you have any sisters back home? I'm asking because you'd be totally hot if you were a woman. So I'm thinking hoo-ah! Asok: I cannot count the number of ways this is wrong.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #brag, #contributions, #ego, #hours of work, #man of ideas, #meeting, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: My contributions can't be measured by the number of hours I work. I'm a man of ideas. One great idea is worth more than all of you put together. Boss: Fine. Let's hear your great idea. Wally: You just did.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #efficiency experts, #golf, #management consultant, #initate, #golf tournament, #profits, #Sports

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I hired a management consultant to teach us something he calls backwards causation. Dogbert: I studied the most successful companies. If you imitate them, you'll feel as if you have a strategy. Number one: sponsor a golf tournament so your CEO can meet celebrities. Boss: Profits, here we come.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #death, #waiting, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his desk. The Grim Reaper enters and says, "Gilbert, your time has come." Dilbert says as beads of sweat fly off his forehead, "Gilbert?! My name is DILBERT! You have the wrong guy!" The Grim Reaper says, "Oops! Sorry. Mind if I just wait around until your number comes up?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #death, #waiting, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says to the Grim Reaper, "Look, Mr. Death, now that you know I'm the wrong guy, why don't you just leave me alone." The Grim Reaper replies, "I hate to waste a trip. Suppose your number comes up tomorrow - I gotta come all the way back. Just let me hang around today. You won't even notice me." Dilbert says, "THIS is gonna be a very long day." The Grim Reaper follows him and asks, "So, how do you feel?"