Called To Brag Comic Strips - Page 5
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Rex: Dogbert, what's the congress? Dogbert: They make laws, Rex. Rex: Then what does the president do? Dogbert: He vetoes the laws. It's called balance of power. Rex: I guess they don't get paid much for doing that. Dogbert: Here's the confusing part...
Boss: One of our major investors found a discrepancy on your resume. You claim to have a degree in engineering, but in reality you have a certification in puppetry from a place called... Evelyn's Diploma and Bait Shop. CEO: The board has faith in our CEO.
Dilbert sits at a big desk and asks an employee, "Now that I'm CEO, what am I supposed to actually do?" The man replies, "You're supposed to make superficial statements about how good the company is, then hope something lucky happens and profits go up." The man continues, "It's called leadership, sir." Dilbert waves the man away and says, "Make it so."
At Dogbert's confirmation hearing, a member of the Senate Judiciary Committee asks Ratbert, "Mister Ratbert, you've been called as a character witness." Ratbert says, "The nominee once called me a little hiney . . ." A picture of Ratbert appears on the front page of a newspaper. The headlines say "Liar!" and "Probably Nuts!!"
Dogbert says to Dilbert, Ratbert, and Bob and Dawn the Dinosaurs, "Thank you all for coming." Dogbert continues, "I called this house meeting because somebody tipped off the authorities about my insider stock trading." Dogbert says, "Somebody in this room is a rat." Ratbert looks worried as he asks, "Figuratively speaking?"
Dogbert and Dilbert sit outdoors. Dilbert says, "Evolution must be true because it is a logical conclusion of the scientific method." Dogbert replies, "But science is based on the irrational belief that because we cannot perceive reality all at once, things called 'time' and 'cause and effect' exist." Dilbert says angrily, "That's what I was taught and that's what I believe." Dogbert replies, "Sounds cultish."
Dilbert sits in his chair reading the newspaper and Dogbert stands on the hassock. Dogbert says, "I'm going to host my own television show." Dogbert continues, "It's called 'Dogbert's World of Amazingly Ignorant People.'" Dogbert continues, "Of course, I'll film you in shadows and alter your voice electronically." Dilbert replies, "That's very considerate."
Dogbert answers the door and a man in a suit says, "Hi! I want to be your financial advisor." The man continues, "I've come to live with you. We'll eventually form a lifelong bond of trust and friendship." Dogbert says angrily, "I liked better when you guys just took our money." The man says, "I recommend a strategy called 'Churn.'"
Dilbert sits at his desk. Dogbert asks, "Am I wrong or did you tell me you invested all of your money in stock options for a company called Zymed?" Dogbert continues, "The radio says the stock price tripled on takeover rumors. You just made about ten million dollars." Dogbert continues, "But they say money can't buy happiness." Dilbert replies, "Apparently 'they' are idiots."
Dogbert sits at a desk. Dilbert says, "Well, there you are, working on your little newsletter for clueless people . . ." Dilbert continues, "You're probably thinking up some clever little fact that the so-called people would never realize on their own." Dilbert reads the monitor and says, "Let me see . . . 'If you are the only one talking then it is a clue that no conversation is occurring and it is time to leave."