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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #software upgrade project, #exact opposite, #sit up, #look thinner

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The boss stands in Dilbert's cubicle. The boss says, "As you recommended, I canceled the software upgrade project." Dilbert says, "That's the exact opposite of what I recommended. You only hear what you want to hear." The boss says, "Yes, I do look thinner. It must be because of the sit-up I did yesterday."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #do for living, #slavishly obey, #insane commands, #pointy haired baboon, #best catch, #big box

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Dilbert and a woman each hold a wine glass. The woman says, "So, what do you do for a living?" Dilbert says, "I slavishly obey the insane commands of a pointy-haired baboon." The woman says, "The sad thing is that you're the best catch at this party." Dilbert says, "I work in a big box."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #stay at job, #easy commute, #risk everything, #fast paced start up, #yakking, #ipo

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At home, Dilbert asks Ratbert: "Should I stay at my current job where the commute is easy?" He continues: "Or should I risk everything and join a fast paced start-up company?" Bob the Dinosaur appears and says: "I joined a fast-paced start-up company while you were yakking." Ratbert joins in with: "Mine went IPO."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sitting in a box, #checking stocks, #cucbicle, #job, #stock market, #this is life, #computer, #money, #survival, #business, #technology

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As Dilbert sits at his computer he thinks to himself, "I'm sittin' in a box and checkin' my stocks." Dilbert continues thinking, "I must use all my willpower to resist checking every ten seconds." Dilbert again thinks, "I'm sittin' in a box and checkin' my stocks."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bought cisco, #cardboard box, #dogcart consults, #entrepreneurial, #misdialed bookie, #revive spirt

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The caption reads: "Dogbert consults." Dogbert holds a pointer and says, "You can revive the entrepreneurial spirit here by reminding people of the early years." Dogbert points to a picture of two homeless people. He says, "Your founders were two men who began in a cardboard box." Dogbert stands in front of the room of employees and says, "One bum midialed his bookie and accidently bought Cisco stock at the IPO."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #talking to much, #compensate, #society expectation, #think up ideas, #sit quiet, #nothing good

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Catbert, standing on The Boss' desk, says to The Boss, "You can compensate for your lack of knowledge by talking too much." Catbert says to The Boss, "And don't be limited by society's expectation that you be interesting." The Boss says, "Sometimes I like to sit quietly and think up ideas." Catbert says, "Nothing good can come from that."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #justin, #job interview, #medical research, #hydroelectric dam, #sound of idealism dying, #fabric covered boxes

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An interviewee sits at the table across from Dilbert. Dilbert asks, "So...Justin, why do you want to work here?" Justin replies, "I want to find a cure for asthma!" Dilbert replies, "We don't do medical research here." Justin says, "Oh." Justin holds out his arms and says, "Then I want to build the biggest hydroelectric dam in the world!" Dilbert says, "We don't do that either." Justin asks, "What do you do?" Dilbert replies, "We sit in fabric-covered boxes." Justin sits there and a snapping noise sounds above his head. It goes, "Shrivel. Crinkle. Ack!" Dilbert says, "That was the sound of your idealism dying." Justin says, "Show me to my box."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #can't crush spirit, #work in box, #cubicle, #demoralize, #2 jobs, #coordinator died, #died of boredom, #quality assurance guys

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Dilbert sits at his computer and thinks, "They can make me work in a little box, but they can't crush my spirit." The Boss says to Dilbert, "Our ISO 9000 Coordinator died of boredom. You'll have to do his job plus yours." Dilbert's head sinks to his chest as The Boss says, "And one of the Quality Assurance guys is looking pale..."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #airline, #no planes, #sit in crowded room, #steal luggage, #customers realize, #mechanical difficulties

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Dilbert is assembling something. Dogbert says to him, "I'm going to start an airline that has no planes." Dogbert continues, "I'll take people's money and make them sit in a crowded room while ex-cons steal from their luggage." Dilbert turns and replies, "What happens when your customers realize you have no airplanes?" Dogbert responds, "I call that 'mechanical difficulties.'"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #need this afternoon, #shirt timer, #sit in this chaor, #move arms, #hesitate to ask, #itch, #awkward place

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Dilbert says to a coworker, "...And I need it this afternoon." The coworker replies, "Forget it! I'm a short-timer." The coworker continues, "I plan to sit in this chair and not move my arms or legs for a week. After that, I'll never work another day!" The coworker concludes, "I hesitate to ask this, but I have an itch in an awkward place."