Consulting Compnay Comic Strips - Page 5
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The Boss, Alice, Dogbert and Dilbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "The Dogbert Consulting Company will help us design a new company logo." Dogbert drinks a cup of coffee. The Boss asks, "When will you start?" Dogbert turns the empty coffee mug upside down on a piece of paper and says, "I just finished. I call it the brown ring of quality."
Dilbert stands in front of an overhead projector and points at a skull and crossbones diagram. Dilbert says, "The status of our strategic alliance is 'doomed.'" Dilbert continues while the Boss listens, "Our ponderous and inefficient management style caused their best people to quit and create a competing company." The Boss says, "We must find a way to destroy that new company." Dilbert replies, "I'll see if they're interested in a strategic alliance."
Dogbert and Alice sit at a conference table. Dogbert says, "If you plan to have a booth at the trade show, you need the 'Dogbert Trade-Show Consulting Company' to design it." Dogbert continues, "I recommend the deluxe booth. It's guaranteed to generate the most revenue." Alice asks, "How would the deluxe booth generate more revenue for my company?" Dogbert says, "Oh, suddenly this is about YOUR company?"
Dogbert says, "Ratbert, I'm going back into the consulting business and I need you to be my engagement manager." Dogbert continues, "You'll seem very smart if you randomly combine the words on this list and make many references to 'Wal-Mart.'" Ratbert sits at a conference table with Dilbert and the Boss. Ratbert says, "It's like 'Wal-Mart.' Migrate your value into the white spaces of the ecosystem." The Boss says, "Wow! That's one smart rat!"
Dogbert says to Dilbert, "I've asked Bob the Dinosaur to cal your CEO and give him a telewedgie." Bob holds a cordless phone. Dilbert asks, "Will that stop him from moving the company?" Over the phone, Bob says, "... now hold the phone behind you at belt level..." Dogbert says, "Stranger things have happened, albeit not often." Bob yanks the CEO's underwear through the phone, giving him a wedgie. On the other end, the CEO screams.
Chil is consulting Dogbert about his career. He says, "I'd be good at any job involving sin." Phil says, "Perhaps something in the bingo field, or maybe budget work." Dogbert suggests, "How about marketing?" Phil frowns, "I have a soul. It's just a small one." Dogbert says, "Gotcha. No marketing... no auditing... no garment manufacturing..."
Alice types at her computer and thinks, "heh-heh.. I'm usig compnay resources to e-mail my resume to a headhunter Alice thinks, "It's the perfect crime." The boss sits at his computer. The boss says, "I've got mail!"
The boss, Wally, Dilbert and a new consultant are in a meeting. The boss says: "I hired the "Bait and Switch" consulting group because they're so smart." The consultant says to the boss while introducing him to a very messy looking man: "I'm assigning Eddie to work on your account. You will never see me again." Eddie sits in front of the boss and says: "So, what is it that you do here?"
Consulting his planner, Wally tells a co-worker: "I can't meet next Tuesday because that's a B.V. day." The co-worker asks: "B.V.?" Wally explains: "Boss Vacation. I don't need to pretend I'm working that day." Consulting his planner again, Wally continues: "And on Wednesday I'll be walking around all day with a binder."
Wally and Dilbert sit in the breakroom eating lunch with a co-worker. The co-worker says, "I spend all day writing code for another company while it looks like I'm doing my job here." The co-worker pauses from eating a sandwich and says, "Crime pays, and it also has an excellent benefits package." Wally looks at his co-worker and says, "Are you eating my sandwich?" The co-worker answers, "I'm saving mine for dinner."