Death To Boss Comic Strips - Page 5
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Carol sits in her cubicle saying to the Boss, "...and that way we'll save money on each unit we build." The Boss replies, "Let's try that idea with our VP." Alice and the Boss sit in front of the VP. The VP says, "Wow. Great idea. Who thought of it?" Alice and the Boss both sit looking pleased. The Boss says, "Well, I have to admit..." The Boss continues, "It's one of my better ideas." Alice sits totally shocked. Alice stands furious and shaking, thinking, "Must...control...fist of death." The Boss continues, "Sometimes I'll just be standing there..." Alice thinks, "GAAA!" as the Boss continues, "And POW! Something hits me." Alice and the VP stand on either side of the Boss' legs up in the air. Alice says, "Thank you." The VP holds out her shaking hand and says, "I tried to control it but I couldn't."
Tags #bodily fluids, #buggy, #ceo reputation, #competitors, #death, #medical, #misleading ads, #not selling, #overriced, #owls, #pal costume, #product failure, #product name, #super yacht, #vaguely racist
Boss: We need to figure out why our new product isn't selling well. Dilbert: It's buggy and overpriced. Wally: OUr competitors sell a far better product at half the price. Asok: Our ads are overtly misleading and vaguely racist. Alice: Our product name reminds people of bodily fluids and death. People hate us because our CEO has an endangered owl shooting range on his super yacht. Boss: Does anyone have an idea to fix all of that? Wally: Maybe. Do you own an owl costume?
Catbert: Ted retired yesterday and dropped dead this morning. You worked him to death with perfect timing. Nicely done/ Unless it was just a coincidence. Boss: If I'm being honest, hitting the exact day was just luck.
Boss: Our health app accurately predicts the user's time of death and sends a five-minute warning. Our business model is paid advertising that we disguise as "death alerts." CEO: How's the click-through rate? Boss: Surprisingly low. It's hard to get people's attention these days.
Man: Do you want to go to lunch? Boss: I can't be your friend because I'm your boss. Someday I might need to fire you, and it would be awkward if we were friends. Alice: Want to go to lunch? Boss: Sure.
The boss: I need this finished by Friday. Dilbert: This assignment will suck up 100% of my free time and turn my happy life into a f=death march. The boss: Thats why we pay you. You pay me so you can ruin my life? The boos: perhaps i said that wrong. The Boss: what I meant is that I don't care how you fell as long as I get my bonus. Dilbert: You're a cold, heartless monster with no sense of shame!!!! The Boss: That why they pay me.
Boss: You did this wrong. Dilbert: That's how you trained me to do it. Bob: You need to learn to take responsibility for my mistakes. It's called "making your boss look good". Dilbert: Maybe you could help a little too.
Boss: Alice, always remember that a good employee makes her boss look good. Alice: Maybe I could toss a blanket over you when other people are around. Boss: I'm not talking about my physical appearance. Alice: The blanket would also muffle the sound.