Halfway Done Comic Strips - Page 5

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View 41 - 50 results for halfway done comic strips. Discover the best "Halfway Done" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fraternization, #bad haircut, #poor font choice, #hand sanitizer, #substance over style

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Alice: I'm judging the quality of your business case by your bad haircut and your poor font choice. I plan to use a quart of hand sanitizer when I'm done touching your document. Man: I value substance over style. Alice: How's that working out?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #choosing, #meetings, #creative ideas, #next prodcut, #ignorance on public disply, #cost money, #increase risk, #evaluate each idea, #disdain, #good idea

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Boss: We need creative ideas for our next product. But not from you. Your ideas are awful. And don't suggest something that is already being done. That just puts your ignorance on public display. I don't want to hear any ideas that cost money or increase risk. As usual, I'll evaluate each idea by repeating it slowly while I look at your with disdain. If you come up with a good idea, I'll let you take on the project in addition to your existing work. Who wants to go first? How did I hire so many people who have no ideas? Catbert: Probably bad luck.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #comparing a task, #criticism, #employees, #executives, #quality is bad, #your imagination, #time, #quality, #boss, #business

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Boss: Why did this take so long? Dilbert: You're comparing a task - the likes of which has never been done - to your imagination of how long such things should take. Boss: Well then, the quality is bad. Dilbert: Compared to... ?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deception, #office workers, #planning, #assignments, #entre schedule, #next assignment

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Wally: I spent all of last week planning how to get everything done this week. Boss: Add one more thing. Wally: Okay, but I'll need to replan my entire schedule. Boss: How long will that take? Wally: Until you give me the next assignment.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #gadgets, #phone heard, #phone scheduled meeting, #schedule a meeting., #secretaries (office), #digital world, #replaces humans

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Boss: Schedule a meeting with Dilbert and Alice for next Tuesday at ten. Phone: Done. Boss: Never mind. My phone took care of it. Awkward.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employees, #frustration, #magic, #oogah-boogah, #folder, #assignment, #boss request, #attutude, #business

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Boss: Alice, can you take care of this by close of business today? Alice: Oogah-boogah! Work be done! Let's hope magic is real! Boss: We need to talk about your attitude.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office equipment, #upgrades, #servers, #upgrade some, #guard all

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Dilbert: We need to upgrade some of our servers. Coworker: That's dumb. We upgraded two of them last week. Dilbert: Right now we need to upgrade the rest of them. Coworker: Then why did you say we have to upgrade all of them? Dilbert: Well, I didn't. But I think we all agree on what needs to be done. Coworker: Not if you insist on upgrading the servers we already upgraded last week. Dilbert: Gaaaa!!! Kill me with a comet!!! Coworker: Does he ever say anything that makes sense? Wally: There's no way to be sure.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #being freightened, #creepy vibe, #leadership, #obsolete, #public speaking, #sense of urgency, #thread the needle, #tech platforms

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Dogbert: You need to imbue your staff with a sense of urgency. Boss: Gaaa!!! Our technology platforms are obsolete! Dogbert: Try it again with less panic. Boss: We're doomed, and yet, I am not the least bit worried. Dogbert: That one had a creepy vibe. A sense of urgency is halfway between being too frightened to act and too dumb to know what to do. Boss: Gaaa!!! Duh!!! Dogbert: You didn't quite thread the needle. Boss: Here comes leadership!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #inventions, #tazer, #cell phone, #boss's desk, #tased, #technology

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Wally: I invented a taser that looks exactly like a cellphone. Boss: Gaaa-a-a-a-a-a-a. Wally: I left it on our boss's desk, but it sounds like he's done with it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mental health, #crazy thought, #witness, #conference room, #fresh heck, #sadist, #sociopath

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Dilbert: Wait. Hold that crazy thought. I need to get a witness in the room. Alice, would you mind coming to the conference room for a minute? Alice: What fresh heck is this? Dilbert: Larry is a sadist and a sociopath, but he hides it when there's more than one witness. So, Larry, what do you think of my project? Coworker: It looks great! I'll be happy to help you in any way I can! Alice: Am I done here? Dilbert: Don't turn your back!