Human Simulations Comic Strips - Page 5

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

328 Results for Human Simulations

View 41 - 50 results for human simulations comic strips. Discover the best "Human Simulations" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mordac, #information services, #preventer, #computer, #pda, #catbird intervenes, #human rsources, #nework cable, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Mordac bursts into Dilbert's cubicle. Mordac says, "I am Mordac. the preventor of information services!" Mordac says, "I'll take your computer and your little PDA too!" Dilbert hugs his monitor. Mordac says, "Do you recognize this?" Mordac holds up a wire. Dilbert says, "Aaaagh! That's my network cable!" Dilbert says, "What do you want from me?!" Catbert leans over the cubicle wall. Catbert says, "Mordac, it is I catbert, the evil director of human resources!" Catbert jumps down onto Mordac. Catbert says, "You made my personal printer a shared device!" Dilbert watches a clothing flies. Dilbert is at home and says, to Dogbert, "Two wrongs made a right." Dogbert says, "Welcome to my reality."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #clone of boss, #procedure failure, #knick knack, #small creature, #part horse, #part human, #tiney, #antennas

View Transcript

Transcript

A tiny centaur is standing on a table. He says to Dilbert, "I'm a clone of your boss?" Dilbert responds, "The procedure didn't exactly work. So you're not so much a human being as you are a..." Centaur, "God?" Dilbert responds, "Knickknack."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evil director, #human resources, #assistant recovers, #cold or flu, #should dissolved, #winged demon, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Asok, "Asok, I want you to work for the evil director of human resources until his assistant recovers." Asok replies, "From what is he recovering? Is it a cold or perhaps a flu?" The Boss responds, "He saw so much evil that his soul dissolved and he became a winged demon."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting called, #discuss issues, #assign tasks, #waste of time, #meetings, #become lifeform, #reproducing human josts

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert walks into a meeting and asks, "Who called this meeting?" The male coworker replies, "We thought you did." The coworker continues, "I think we should discuss issues and assign tasks so it's not a complete waste of time." Dilbert responds, "Maybe meetings have become a lifeform capable of calling themselves and thus reproducing via human hosts." The male coworker turns to the female coworker and says, "Good issue." She replies, "Wow!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss booked, #highest ratio, #unavailabilty, #usefulness, #sound insulting, #do math, #human resources, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice asks The Boss, "How about any Tuesday this year?" The Boss replies, "No, I'm booked." Alice says, "You have the highest ratio of unavailability to usefulness I've ever seen." The Boss asks Catbert, "Does that sound like an insult?" Catbert replies, "If I could do math I wouldn't be working in human resources."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #demoted, #spread rumors, #new boss, #fired, #clueless human, #doesn't work, #denial

View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: Demoted. The Boss says to Wally, "I plan to spread rumors about our new boss until I'm fired." The Boss continues, "I'll tell everyone that he's the most clueless human that ever lived. Hee hee!" Wally responds, "Believe me, that doesn't work." The Boss says, "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #falling for robot, #human, #robo boss, #robot, #shallow compliments, #soulless machine

View Transcript

Transcript

Roboboss and Alice are at dinner. Alice says, "Roboboss, can this relationship work? After all, I'm a human.." Alice continues, "And you're a soulless machine designed to give shallow compliments to employees." Roboboss says, "You're giving 110%." Alice replies, "Stop.. don't make me love you."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employees, #called resources, #too complimentray, #human capital, #demanding hay, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert is sitting on The Boss' desk. Catbert says to The Boss, "I'm tired of calling the employees 'Resources.' It's too complimentary." Catbert continues, "I'm thinking of something along the lines of livestock or human capital." The Boss responds, "I don't want them demanding hay." Catbert says, "Good point. We'll go with human capital."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #latest assignment, #impossible, #slow speed of light, #perfect art, #human cloing, #eliminate garvity, #stop the sun, #reanimate dead, #impossible tasks, #change the world, #nature

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert hands a piece of paper to The Garbageman and asks, "Does my latest assignment look impossible?" The Garbageman reads the paper and replies, "Let's see... You'd need to slow the speed of light, and perfect the art of human cloning..." Dilbert asks, "So there's hope?" The Garbageman responds, "Eliminate gravity, stop the sun, reanimate the dead."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #human resources, #cubicle, #grim reeper, #layoffs, #stranger, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss addresses a meeting, "Human Resources is sending a designated firer to do layoffs." The Boss turns quickly and waves his hands in an employee's face. The Boss says, "If a stranger approaches your cubicle, it means you're toast!" The employee exclaims, "Gaaa!!!" A hooded weasel with a knife approaches Carol. He says, "Hell-o-o-o, Carol." He pauses and then continues, "Can you tell me where Ted sits?" Carol exclaims, "Gaaa!!"