Leave So Soon Comic Strips - Page 5

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View 41 - 50 results for leave so soon comic strips. Discover the best "Leave So Soon" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #laziness, #meetings, #optimism, #vice presdient, #unoccupied room, #cell phone, #finish soon, #nap in cubilce, #get work done, #run errands, #optimism like disappointement, #technology

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The Boss says, "Our meeting room is being used by a vice president." The Boss says, "I need all of you to search for an unoccupied room. Call my cell when you find one." The Boss says, "I'll stay here in case they finish soon." Dilbert says, "Where are you going to look?" Wally says, "I'm going to take a nap in my cubicle and hope the problem takes care of itself." Dilbert says, "Good idea. I'll go get some work done." Alice says, "Perfect time to run some errands." The Boss says, "Optimism is a lot like disappointment."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #company values, #question, #action, #results, #twice as much, #imagination, #all over the map, #soon and perfect

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Bias for Action Passion for Results "And these are our company values." "Please don't ask any questions." "Question!" "Do the results have to be good ones?" "Um...yes." "I'm not so sure. I think it would say that." "Since action and results are both important, is it okay to have bad results so long as it takes twice as much action?" "JUST DO EVERYTHING SOON AND PERFECTLY!!!" "Is it my imagination or is he all over the map on this?" "I forget what we were talking about."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #quirky co worker, #colossal waste, #invented table, #executive recruiter, #leadership or crazy, #wallet alone

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"GAAA!!! I'm changing!!!" "Suddenly I see you not as a quirky coworker, but as a colossal waste of resources!" "Do you think you matter? No, you do not. I matter." "I invented this table!" "I'd better call someone." "It's an emergency. Send the executive recruiter." "What's your status?!!" "Is it leadership or just regular crazy?" "Too soon to tell." "Hey! Leave my wallet alone!" "He's one of ours."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #no straight answer, #asap, #when, #done, #soon, #slack, #how much slack?, #questions

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Dilbert: do you have market demand numbers? Ted: Im in the middle of something. can I get back yo you later? Dilbert: How much later? Ted: when do you need it? Dilbert: As soon as possible. Ted: I'll do it as soon as Im done. Dilbert: when will that be? Ted: as soon as possible. Dilbert: when will it be possible? Ted: cut name some slack. Dilbert: how much slack do you need?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #technology strategy, #not written yet, #doesn't exist, #duh, #duh to infinity

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The Boss comes into Dilbert's cubicle and says, "Dilbert, write up our technology strategy." Dilbert replies, "Okay." He pauses and then asks, "What's our strategy?" The Boss says, "How should I know? It's not written yet." He pauses and then adds, "Duh!" Dilbert turns and says, "How can I write about something that doesn't exist?" He pauses and then adds, "Duh!" The Boss replies, "It will exist, as soon as you write it." He pauses and then adds, "Duh!" The Boss and Dilbert exchange "Duhs:" The Boss says, "Duh!" Dilbert responds, "Duh!" The Boss says, "Duh!" Dilbert responds, "Duh!" The Boss says, "Duh!" Dilbert responds, "Duh!" The Boss turns to leave and says, "Just do it." The Boss thinks to himself, "Double duh." Dilbert responds, "Whatever." Dilbert thinks to himself, "Duh to infinity." Dilbert faces his computer and thinks, "If my company stock had any value, I'd be selling it right now."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #keeper of giant binder, #secret technology, #never leave office, #no drawer, #no desk, #use as tiny bed, #rest of days, #trade show binder

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Alice: "Asok, I designate you the keeper of the giant binder." "It contains our secret technology plans." "It can never leave this office." "It won't fit in any drawer." "And the 'clean desk policy' forbids me from leaving it on my desktop." "GAAA!! I can't take it home, and I can't leave it here!" "I must use it as a tiny bed and spend the rest of my days guarding it." Dilbert: "What did you do with the giant binder prop that you got at the trade show?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #acquired benefits, #adopt program, #blend benefits progarm, #blending, #evil director, #maternity leave, #merger approved, #smokers

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The Boss addresses a meeting, "The merger has been approved." The Boss continues, "Our evil director of human resources will blend the acquired company's benefits with our own." Alice, Dilbert, and Wally cry, "WAAA! WAAA! WAAA!" The Boss thinks, "Apparently they know what blending means." Catbert says to the other HR director, "Let's see... My company offers six months of maternity leave for mothers." The other HR director replies, "We treat 'em like smokers. They have to squat in the parking lot for 10 minutes then go back to work." Catbert says, "That's very evil.. We'll adopt your program." The other HR director responds, "Thanks." The Boss reads the new benefits plan. He asks, "What is 'draining?' Catbert responds, "Our company called it training."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #banning telecommuting, #cruelty, #evil corporations, #executives, #maternity leave, #new policy, #pay package

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Boss: Employees are in a furor over our new policy and banning telecommuting. CEO: Really? You mean we found a way to make them stop obsessing over my pay package? Try canceling all maternity leave and see if it makes them stop talking about telecommuting.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ironic, #irony, #statue crushed guard, #too soon, #word invention, #iron sculpture, #crushed security guard

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Dilbert: The iron sculpture in our lobby fell off its base and crushed a security guard. CEO: And that's where we get the word "ironic." Dilbert: It happened ten minutes ago. CEO: Oh, so it's "too soon?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #efficiency experts, #Advice, #consultatn, #cms, #same advice, #pay to leave

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Boss: On the advice of our consultant, we're going to rewrite the CMS from scratch. Alice: How much did you pay the consultant for the same advice your employees gave you for free? Boss: I don't pay consultants for advice. I pay them to leave.