Productivity Comic Strips - Page 5
93 Results for Productivity
View 41 - 50 results for productivity comic strips. Discover the best "Productivity" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share May 05, 1997's comic on:
Dogbert sits on the couch. Dilbert says, "I calculated the total time that humans have waited for Web pages to load . . ." Dilbert continues, "It cancels out all the productivity gains of the information age." Dilbert says, "Sometimes I think the Web is a big plot to keep people like me away from normal society." Dogbert thinks, "Uh-oh, he's on to me."
Share February 07, 1998's comic on:
The Boss stands behind Alice at her desk. He reads from a sheet of paper and says, "Out new e-mail monitoring system shows that you sent a personal message last week." Alice looks non-plussed. Alice sticks her thumbs in her ears and waves her hands. She says, "Coincidentally, the new Alice monitoring system detects twenty hours of unpaid overtime." The Boss thinks, "According to the manual, productivity will soar now." Alice says, "Beep.. beep.. boop.. now detecting cluelessness in the vicinity."
Share June 09, 1998's comic on:
Dilbert and Wally sitting at table. Wally says, "This week I discovered that the demand for engineers exceeds the supply." The Boss, Dilbert, and Wally sitting at table. Wally says, "I responded by increasing my insolence and decreasing my productivity." The Boss says, "I will never hire another engineer as along as I'm alive." "Equilibrium has been restored," says Wally.
Share March 20, 1994's comic on:
wally: Im looking forward to retirement. I can't wait! I'll have my tiny fixed income, barley enough to survive! ...and a new health problem almost everyday! Wally: I'll have wrinkles everywhere and I'll actually shrink! HAHA! I'll produce nothing and I'll complain constantly! Dilbert: You're looking forward to a ll that?? WallyL well...compared to working here... The boss: Its time for the pre meeting meeting on employee productivity. Wally and Dilbert: mmm. fixed income ...health problems...
Share August 07, 1994's comic on:
The Boss: "Laurie's our new engineer. Show her the ropes, Dilbert." "I meant figuratively." Dilbert: "This is your anti-productivity pod." "It's equipped with a little device that rings anytime you try to concentrate." "The top is open so none of the background noise is inadvertently muffled." "And you're on the main aisle, so you'll be haunted every minute by footsteps behind you. Step...step...step." The Boss: "We need to talk."
Share September 03, 1995's comic on:
Tags #laptop, #freezing up, #telecommuting, #distracted at home, #virtual cubcile, #invisible walls, #cone of prodcutivity, #dedicated, #cone, #focused, #corporate vision, #firm commitment, #work at hime, #victory
Dilbert sits at his desk in his bathrobe. Dogbert says, "My laptop PC keeps freezing up. Come take a look at it." Dilbert replies, "I'm telecommuting, Dogbert. I can't be distracted by home projects." Dilbert says, "Don't come another step closer. This is my virtual cubicle, within which I can not be disturbed." Dilbert spreads his arms and continues, "These invisible walls form a cone of productivity around me." Dilbert continues, "Within this zone I am a dedicated employee, totally focused on the corporate vision." Dilbert continues, "Nothing can distract me from my firm commitment to the work-at-home principle." Dogbert says, "Fine. I think I'll set the couch on fire." Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the table working on a laptop. Dogbert says, "Another victory for the distractor!" Dilbert says, "I swear, someday principle will win!"
Share January 14, 1996's comic on:
Wally follows the Boss and says, "We need to have a little talk . . ." Wally continues, "You told me to finish my project in a week but it's taken two months." Wally continues, "This doesn't look good for your ability to estimate resource requirements." The Boss sits at his desk. Wally continues, "Frankly, it's not much of an endorsement of your leadership either. I was uninspired the whole time." Wally continues, "And don't even get me started about your incompetence at budgeting. I spent WAY more than you predicted!" Wally pretends to strangle himself as he says, "Your incessant demands for status reports were like a rope that strangled my productivity!" Wally continues, "Bottom line, your performance did NOT meet my expectations." Wally's clothes are disheveled and his glasses are bent, Dilbert says, "So, Wally, do you still think the best defense is a good offense?" Wally replies, "It seemed like such a good idea."
Share November 12, 1999's comic on:
The boss is in the cafeteria, carrying his tray of food and approaching Dilbert, who is sitting alone eating. The boss asks, "Do you mind if I pretend to like you? I hear it increases productivity." The boss is sitting next to him now, staring with a smile. Dilbert says, "I need to go back to my cubicle now." The boss, still staring and smiling thinks, "It's working!"
Share October 23, 2000's comic on:
Share July 15, 2002's comic on:
Catbert says to Tina, "Tina, our records show that you forward an average of nineteen e-mail jokes per week." Catbert continues, "Each joke goes to 30,000 employees, costing us ten million per year in lost productivity." Catbert concludes, "We plan to blame you when we file for bankruptcy next week." Tina is visibly worried.