Ultimate Pick Up Line Comic Strips - Page 5

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View 41 - 50 results for ultimate pick up line comic strips. Discover the best "Ultimate Pick Up Line" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #created time line, #identified resources, #revise timeline, #re examine, #thousand ways, #haven't done anything

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Wally: "In only one week my project team has created a time line and identified the resources we need." "Next week, we plan to revise the time line and re-examine our resource needs." "Good work." "There must be a thousand ways to say I haven't done anything." "Wait.."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #product training, #pride in product line, #users experience, #painful boils, #relatively satisfied customers, #techniques

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Product Training. Man: You work for a company that takes pride in its product line. Only half of our users experience painful boils. We call that group the "relatively satisfied customers. what the?!

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fax to voice line, #prank, #on purpose, #pain, #bother, #harass, #anger, #mad

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Hello? This is Alice. BEEEP BEEEP You are faxing to my voice line gain you #!!%* Dilbert: How often do you fax to her voice line? wally: It depends if she's been bad.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #take six months, #time line, #leadership, #made me unmotivated, #foreseen or unforseen, #wally is dysfunctional, #schedule is random, #looks mad

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The Boss points to a board that says, "Time Line." He says, "The project will take six months..." He continues, "Unless there are unforeseen problems." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "Question." Dilbert says to the Boss, "Your leadership has made me unmotivated." Dilbert asks, "Is that considered foreseen or unforeseen?" Dilbert continues, pointing at Wally, "And Wally is dysfunctional on many levels." Wally agrees, "I really am." Dilbert asks, "Was that foreseen? Or are you saying the schedule is random?" Dilbert turns to Alice and says, "He looks mad." Alice says, "I didn't see that coming."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #create software, #small investors, #pick stocks, #past trends, #hubris, #ignorance, #testimonials

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Dogbert: I'm creating software that will help small investors pick stocks. "It combines past trends that are not indicative of the future with the user's hubris and ignorance." "Now all I need are testimonials from people whose results are not typical!" Dilbert: "So it works?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #trends are positive, #crushing debt, #moronic management, #aging product line

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Tina writes the Annual Report All trends are positive. Footnote 5: Unless you consider our crushing debt, moronic management, and aging product line. "What font is this? It's so tiny." "Enron Beelzebub."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #billion dollar line, #design, #ecstatic, #massive design flaws, #press release, #proper incenives, #stock options, #underwater

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"I told our CEO that the design would be done in a month. He's ecstatic!" "That would be good except that I told you it won't be done for six months." "Ooh." "So, I guess you'll have to tell him." "It's too late." "He's already issued a press release. You'll have to finish the design in a month." "The only way to do it in a month is to accept massive design flaws that will destroy a billion dollar line of business." "That's okay. My stock options are so underwater that it won't make any difference." "I'll just blame all of the problems on the Chinese company that manufactures our products." "Ultimately, it's the CEO's fault for failing to give me proper incentives."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #script for meeting, #script, #twice a year, #act one, #scene two, #admiration, #leadership, #employment, #deliver line, #eyes moist, #sliced onion, #morale

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The Boss hands Dilbert a piece of paper and says, "Here's your script for the meeting." Dilbert asks, "Script?" The Boss explains, "My boss sees me only twice a year. I want everything to go smoothly." Dilbert looks at the script and says, "In act one, scene two, when I proclaim my admiration for your leadership..." Dilbert continues, "What's my motivation?" The Boss replies, "Employment." Dilbert says, "Good, good." The Boss adds, "And it would help if your eyes were moist when you deliver the line." Dilbert points to his pocket and says, "I'll put a sliced onion in my shirt pocket." The Boss, The Boss' boss, and Dilbert are meeting. The Boss' boss says to Dilbert, "Hello, underling, how is your morale?" Dilbert is sobbing.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business people, #work ethic, #new line, #products, #business plan, #good track record, #useful, #accurate, #make up numbers

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Boss: I need you to write a business plan for our new line of products. Dilbert: Is that because business plans have a good track record of being useful and accurate? Boss: No, it's nothing like that. Dilbert: Good, because I plan to make up all of the numbers.

Fine Lines

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Fine Lines - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Wally, #line, #optimism, #idiocy, #cynicism, #realism, #will, #love, #dead, #working

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Dilbert: I've noticed there's a fine line between optimism and idiocy. Wally: There's also a fine line between cynicism and realism. Dilbert: I just lost my will to live. Wally: There's a fine line between dead and working.