Wheel Of Fortune Comic Strips - Page 5
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Extreme Programming. Wally and Dilbert are sitting at one computer. The Boss approaches and says, "The two of you will be a code-writing team." The Boss continues, "Studies prove that two programmers on one computer is the most productive arrangement." Dilbert types with a furrowed brow. Wally says, "Sometimes I can whistle through both nostrils. I've saved a fortune in harmonicas."
"I'm starting a company that specializes in doing tainted research." "The Association of Doughnut Makers asked me to prove that skinny people can't go to heaven." "Did you see a bright light before the doctors revived you?" "No, why?"
Dogbert Consults "Your CEO is the worst performer in the entire Fortune 500." "Your best bet is to convince him to become a reckless adventurer." "Tell me again why I'd want to bungee jump into an active volcano?" "Because you can!"
I made a fortune by being an incompetent CEO. Everyone called me crazy when I put my entire personal wealth into pigs and garbage dumps. "You invested all of your money in pigs and dumps?" "Invested? Now that would have been a good idea too."
"It's stressful to be a contract employee. I only get paid for the hours I work." "I can't enjoy my time off because it feels as if it costs me a fortune!" "Do you know what I mean?" "Yeah, I had a feeling once."
Dogbert Consults Dogbert says, "Your customer data is worth a fortune." Dogbert says, "I'll find you some buyers if you give me 25%." CEO says, "What about privacy?" Dogbert says, "That's not a problem. I never use my real name."
Dilbert says, "I didn't have anything useful to say so I made this pie chart." the boss says, "Oooh!" Woman says, "Oooh!" CEO says, "It must be true because it's pie." Dilbert thinks, "That worked too well." people say, "I pledge my life and fortune to the pie!"
"Our company has decided to try something new." Six Sigma "New? Six Sigma was developed in the 80s." "It's new to us." "Why don't we jump on a fad that hasn't already been widely discredited?" "That way the false hope might sustain us." "There's nothing wrong with Six Sigma. All it does is reduce defects!" "Let's see...Fortune Magazine sys...blah, blah...Most companies that used Six Sigma have trailed the S&P 500." "Sorry I'm late. What did I miss while I was innovating?"
"My chair is broken. May I use your extra one?" "I don't have an extra chair." "Sure you do. It's right there." "That's not an extra chair. It's my guest chair." "Okay, whatever. The point is that the base broke off of my chair." "I can't sit on a chair that has no wheel base. It's unstable." "Stop being a baby. Just turn your chair upside-down and it will be totally stable." "When did your chair break?" "Last spring. You get used to it."
Wally: I heard you invented a selfie camera for car steering wheels. Dilbert: Not exactly. I invented an ion-powered flying car, but all anyone cares about is the selfie camera in the steering wheel. Wally: Can you share the selfies on Facebook? Dilbert: Gaaa!