2017 Comic Strips - Page 5
Search Filters
Year
- 2023
- 2022
- 2021
- 2020
- 2019
- 2018
- 2017
- 2016
- 2015
- 2014
- 2013
- 2012
- 2011
- 2010
- 2009
- 2008
- 2007
- 2006
- 2005
- 2004
- 2003
- 2002
- 2001
- 2000
- 1999
- 1998
- 1997
- 1996
- 1995
- 1994
- 1993
- 1992
- 1991
- 1990
- 1989
Character
Friday February 10,
2017
Remove Yourself
Tags distraction, irony, productivity
Transcript
Dilbert: As the designated agile scrum, it is my job to remove distractions so you can work. Alice: Great. Remove yourself from my cubicle and you've done your job. Dilbert: That seems too easy. Alice: And yet you can't do it.
Top Dilbert Searches
marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Saturday February 11,
2017
Estimating Software Completion
Tags estimate, deadline, questioning, delay, prediction
Transcript
Boss: When will the next version of the software be done? Dilbert: That's like asking me to estimate how long it takes a salamander to evolve into a horse. Boss: So... what should I tell our CEO? Dilbert: Try the salamander analogy. It worked on you.
Sunday February 12,
2017
Tags wages, salary, secret, anger, compensation, money, unfair
Transcript
Catbert: You left a speadsheet with everyone salary in the copier. Boss: Oops. Catbert: By now, every employee has seen it. Boss: Should I be worried that it will lower morale? Catbert: No, I wouldn't worry about that. I would worry about heads exploding when they find out Wally has the highest pay in the department. Noise: Pow!!! Catbert: It's going to be a long week. Boss: Would you mind kicking that angry eyeball into the trash?
Sunday February 19,
2017
Tags space, cubicle, conference room, office, sharing, obstinacy
Transcript
Dilbert: I have this conference room booked for a meeting. Alice: This is my private office now. I took it over. Dilbert: You can't just take over a conference room. Alice: I already did. It was easy. Now all I need to do is act as if it would be totally unreasonable to ask me to leave. Dilbert: You need to leave. I have this room reserved. Alice: That's totally unreasonable! I'm all settled in and I'm working on a company-critical deadline! Dilbert: I guess I could cancel my meeting. Alice: Perfect. Now get out of my office.
Sunday February 26,
2017
Tags wages, cost of living, raise, money, rent, apartment, roommate, space
Transcript
Asok: I need a raise because the cost of living around here is too high. Boss: Stop being greedy. I pay you plenty. Asok: I can't even afford to rent an apartment. Boss: Get some roommates. Asok: I can't afford that either. I've been sleeping on a baby changing table in a public restroom. And the janitor has been charging me $3,000 per month for that. Boss: How wide is the baby changing table? Asok: Not wide enough for a roommate. Boss: Well, I'm out of ideas.
Monday February 13,
2017
Bad Optics
Tags appearances, optics, logic, deception
Transcript
Boss: I don't like the optics of your plan. Dilbert: It's the only plan that can work. Should I change it to something that looks good but won't work? Boss: Excellent idea. You might have more management potential than I though.
Tuesday February 14,
2017
Looks Good But Won't Work
Tags ideas, impracticality, managers, leadership, threat
Transcript
Boss: The one they call Dilbert suggested we do something that looks good but won't work. CEO: Is this the first trace of management potential you've seen from him? Boss: You think it's a fluke? CEO: Let's keep an eye on it.
Wednesday February 15,
2017
Resources Complain
Tags leadership, language, jargon, manager
Transcript
Man: I want to lodge a complaint against Dilbert. He called me a "resource." I find that offensive. Boss: Then he offended one of the resources. CEO: You're right. He does sound like a natural leader.
Thursday February 16,
2017
Dilbert Has Management Potential
Tags manager, honesty, insult, obliviousness
Transcript
Boss: Our CEO thinks you have management potential. Dilbert: What did I do to deserve that kind of insult??! Boss: He called you a heartless monster. CEO: He speaks truth to power. I like it.
Friday February 17,
2017
Management Fast Track
Tags talent, management, potential, frustration
Transcript
Boss: Dilbert, our CEO asked me to put you on the management fast track. Dilbert: Why does he hate me so much? Boss: He didn't say, but I have a lot of guesses if you want to hear them.

