3 Months Comic Strips - Page 5

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

217 Results for 3 Months

View 41 - 50 results for 3 months comic strips. Discover the best "3 Months" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #eighteen hour days, #add person, #effoerts, #night shift manager, #behind schedule, #staus reprts, #rendered in 3d

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss appears in the door of Alice's cubicle and says, "Alice, you've been working eighteen hours a day. I realized I must add a person to the effort." The Boss continues, "So I hired a night shift manager. After I go home at five o'clock he'll take over and ask why you're behind schedule." The night shift manager says to Alice, "I like my status reports rendered in 3-D, but don't spend a lot of time on it."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #budget estimates, #year, #bungling, #indecison, #no capital several months, #reckless, #ear end, #orgy of aquisition, #capital

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally hands the Boss a document and says, "Here are my budget estimates for the year." Wally continues, "Thanks to management bungling and indecision, I plan to use no capital for several months followed by a reckless year-end orgy of acquisition." Wally asks, "Is that what you were looking for?" The Boss responds, "Tell me again what 'capital' is."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #quality assurance, #beta prodcut, #few bugs, #lethal boneheaded, #vesing, #lethal, #vexing, #bonehead, #rent, #stadium

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally sits at his desk. Ratbert enters holding a printout and says, "My quality assurance review of your beta product turned up a few bugs, Wally." Ratbert continues, "I've classified the bugs by severity: 1) lethal, 2) boneheaded, 3) vexing." Wally looks at the printout and asks, "All I see are lethal and vexing. Where's boneheaded?" Ratbert replies, "I'm trying to rent a stadium to hold the printout."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bugs program, #diskette, #fixed bugs, #code, #write program, #updating resume, #need it soon

View Transcript

Transcript

The garbage man says to Dilbert, "I couldn't help noticing the bugs in the program on this old diskette you threw away." The garbage man continues, "I fixed the bugs and tightened the code from twelve thousand lines to sixteen." Dilbert says, "It took me three months to write that program." The garbage man says, "I took the liberty of updating your resume. I'm guessing you'll need it soon."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #empowered, #own deciosns, #independantly, #three months, #empowerment, #project canceled

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice stands in front of the Boss's desk and says, "I admit I was skeptical when you said I would be empowered to make my own decisions . . ." Alice continues, "But I give you credit. You've let me work independently for three months . . . What's that look on your face?" Alice says, "Please tell me that it was empowerment I was experiencing." The Boss asks, "Did I ever mention that your project was canceled?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #review 80 million lines, #computer code, #system, #probelm, #year 2000, #all zeros and ones

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert and Ratbert stand on a desk chair in front of a computer. Dogbert says, "Ratbert, your job is to review eighty million lines of computer code in the company's systems." Dogbert explains, "You're looking for any reference to the current year. Those pieces of code will be a problem when the year is 2000." Six months later, Ratbert and Dogbert sit at a conference table. Ratbert says, "I'm happy to report that the date did not show up once. In fact, it was all just zeros and ones!" Dogbert thinks, "Oops."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #attention grabbing, #best result, #booth babes, #botth, #magic tricks, #raffkles, #several options, #special effcets, #trade show

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert stands on a conference table next to a laptop and an overhead projector. Dogbert tells Alice, "Your booth at the trade show must be attention-grabbing. You have several options." Dogbert says, "1. Magic tricks 2. special effects 3. raffles 4. booth babes." Dogbert continues, "For the best result, combine all four: create the illusion that you're raffling off the booth babes." Alice asks, "Booth babes?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #right on plan, #project, #bad idea, #senior mangement, #leadership, #widespread mockery, #lawyers, #purging, #gigantic failure, #forget, #mission statemnet, #literal interpretation

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Wally, Dilbert and Alice sit at a conference table. Wally hands the Boss a piece of paper and says, "My project is right on plan." Wally continues, "It began last week as a bad idea from somebody in senior management." Wally continues, "Thanks to my leadership, it is already an object of widespread mockery and derision." Wally continues, "As I speak, our lawyers are purging every last trace of value it might have had." Wally continues, "With luck, the project will be a gigantic failure in a month." Wally continues, "People will forget my failure and remember that I'm experienced. Promotions will follow. Yes!!" Wally concludes, "In six months I'll be dating an executive secretary named Yvonne." Dilbert says, "Good plan." The Boss asks, "Wally, have you ever read our mission statement?" Wally replies, "Yeah, but I don't subscribe to a literal interpretation."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #long range career goal, #arm wrestle, #have job in six months, #working for her, #women college, #confident and assertive

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at a table with a woman. Dilbert asks, "If you were hired, what would be your long-range career goals?" The woman replies, "I'd have your job in six months. In a year you'd be working for me, you big pile of dinosaur dung." Dilbert looks at the woman's resume and says, "I see you attended an all women's college. Does that make you more confident and assertive?" The woman puts her elbow on the table and says, "Either arm. Let's go."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #culture of cycnicism, #cynicism, #happiness commitee, #improve morale, #negativism

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Wally and Dilbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "We must change our culture of cynicism and negativism." The Boss continues, "You two will be the 'Happiness Committee.' Come up with some ideas to improve morale." Dilbert and Wally sit at a desk together. Dilbert says, "So far we've got: 1) Raises, 2) Slap-The-Boss Day and 3) Nude Fridays." Wally says, "I feel my cynicism melting away already."