Advice Comic Strips - Page 5
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200 Results for Advice
View 41 - 50 results for Advice comic strips. Discover the best "Advice" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday September 25,
2002
Tags poisoned, bad user interface design, crowd out ugly, staggering beauty, drink in, garbageman advice
Transcript
Headline: In Elbonia. Dilbert says to an Elbonian, "Excuse me. My boss is cheap; can you direct me to a bad hotel?" The Elbonian responds, "I recommend the Bubonic Inn. It is so bad they will pay you to stay there." The man behind the hotel counter looks like a skeleton and has a rat on his head. The man says, "What kind of fleas do you want in your mattress?" Dilbert replies, "Lazy ones."
Friday November 22,
2002
Tags turned into sheep, wear as sweater, advice not ridicule, pushy sheep, bright side, dilberts mother
Transcript
Dilbert's mom is cooking dinner. Dilbert says to her, "...And the next thing I knew, I'd been turned into a sheep." Dilbert's mom replies, "On the bright side, I won't need to remind you to wear a sweater." Dilbert says, "I was hoping for advice, not ridicule." Dilbert's mom replies, "No one likes a pushy sheep."
Tuesday January 14,
2003
Tags bad advice, burrowing in torso, consultick, implement
Transcript
The Consultick. The Boss: "He'll do more than give us bad advice.." "He'll also make sure we can't implement it without him." The consultick leans over and sticks his hair into The Boss's stomach. The Boss exclaims, "Ha ha! How he's burrowing into my torso, and I've convinced myself it's okay."
Friday April 18,
2003
Tags at party, camera advice, engineer, physical, wally dressed as engineer, engineering
Transcript
Dilbert is talking to a woman at a party. The woman says, "You're an engineer, maybe you can tell me what kind of digital camera I should buy." Dilbert responds, "Would you ask a doctor for free advice?" The woman says, "I got a complete physical by the appetizer." Wally approaches them in a doctor's uniform and says, "Yeah, I'm never off duty."
Saturday April 26,
2003
Tags processor load, took advice, laser pointers, light sabers
Transcript
Dilbert points to a slide and says, "Our breakthrough came when we distributed the processor load." The Boss, Asok, and Alice are sitting. Asok raises his arms and exclaims, "It's about time that you took my advice! Hallelujah! Good for you!" Dilbert says, "If laser pointers were light sabers, you'd be looking for your torso." Asok responds, "Ha ha! You're using my joke! Good one!"
Sunday April 27,
2003
Tags customer diservice program, tech supprt, stretched telephone, cleansed online support, useful articles, support groups, train customers
Transcript
The Boss points to a slide of a man making a funny face and says, "We've expanded our customer disservice program." The Boss points to the next slide of a technician saying, "Uh.. reboot." The Boss continues, "...Doubled our unhelpful technical support advice." The next slide is of a customer leaning back with one hand on the phone and the other holding his stomach, saying, "So... hungry." The Boss continues, "... Stretched our telephone hold times to lethal durations..." Wally, Dilbert, and Alice listen as The Boss' voice continues, "... And cleansed our online support database of all useful articles." The Boss says, "Our goal is to force customers to form support groups." The Boss continues, "Over time, with luck, we'll train customers to do our manufacturing and shipping, too." Wally raises his hand and asks, "May I train a customer to do my job?" The Boss replies, "Sure." A little boy sits in front of a computer with a cup of coffee in his hand. He asks Wally, "So.. what do I do?" Wally responds, "You're doing it."
Monday August 25,
2003
Tags everyones opinion, Advice, best job, crazy ideas, mental, psychology
Transcript
The boss: "I'll get everyone's opinion, and then I'll make my decision." Alice: "Translation: you'll take the advice of whoever does the best job of trash-talking everyone else." The Boss: "Where do you get these crazy ideas?" Dilbert: "She's mental."
Friday December 05,
2003
Tags fist of death, foot of death, doctor, exam room, dont use, Advice, health, carpal syndrome, medical
Transcript
Doctor: You've got a bad case of carpal punchel syndrome. Doctor: Don't use your "fist of death" for a few weeks. Alice: GAAA!!! Wally: the "Foot of death" is not the same. Asok: It is only slightly menacing.
Tuesday January 13,
2004
Tags weapon, plane, stand for rights, Advice, jail, complainy
Transcript
Dogbert: "You should smuggle a weapon on the plane." "And never, ever return your seat to its upright position! Stand up for your rights!" Dilbert: "I've noticed that all of your advice would put me in jail." Dogbert: "Why must you be so complainy?"
Saturday February 07,
2004
Tags send threatening emails, train new guy, easily downsize later, boss threatens alice, job security, male, female, training, alices bad advice
Transcript
The Boss: "Alice, I want you to train Ned to do everything you do." "Don't worry that it will make you redundant more easily downsizeable." Alice: "I like to start each day by sending threatening e-mail to the board of directors."


