Actual Prodcut Comic Strips - Page 5

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

96 Results for Actual Prodcut

View 41 - 50 results for actual prodcut comic strips. Discover the best "Actual Prodcut" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ceo spokeperson, #pose, #prodcut, #blue screen technology, #important elements, #blue blouse

View Transcript

Transcript

The caption reads: "CEO as Spokesperson." The CEO is seen leaning over a chair seductively with her hair tossed to one side. Dogbert stands behind the camera and she asks, "What does this pose have to do with our product?" Dogbert answers, "I'll use blue screen technology to add important elements later." The CEO says, "My blouse is blue." A voluptuous woman stands in towel behind Dogbert. Dogbert turns to her and says, "Five minutes."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #give away prodcut, #for free, #deinstall it, #bill customers, #consumer despaitations

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Wally and Dilbert, "My plan is to give away our product for free." The Boss says to Wally and Dilbert, "We'll only bill customers who ask us to deinstall it." Wally and Dilbert continue looking on impassively as The Boss continues, "For once, those reports of consumer decapitations will work in our favor."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #designed product, #gaping hole, #market, #miracle team work, #actual afeatures, #eaten by squirrels

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands in front of a complex model. He points on the screen and says, "I designed a product that could fill a gaping hole in the market." Dilbert continues his presentation, pointing to a new slide with two shapes on it, nothing more. He says, "But thanks to the miracle of teamwork it turned into a product with no actual features." The next slide Dilbert points to shows a picture of himself in bed, laughing. He says, "In Phase three I fantasized about my coworkers being eaten by squirrels."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evil hr director, #average performance, #group to high, #lower ratings, #actual perfromance, #affect erfromance

View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: Catbert: Evil H.R. Director. Catbert is standing on The Boss' desk. Catbert reports, "The average performance evaluation for your group is too high." The Boss asks, "Do you want me to lower their ratings or their actual performance?" Catbert responds, "Whatever." Dilbert is sitting at his computer. The Boss is standing behind him with one arm reached out towards the back of Dilbert's head. Dilbert says, "This is starting to affect my performance." The Boss replies, "Why? I'm not touching you."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #town hall meeting, #improve communication, #actual town hall

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Wally and Dilbert, "We're going to have a 'town hall' meeting to improve communication." The Boss continues, "But it's not actually in an actual town hall. And I'll have questions in advance, so it's not a meeting per se." Wally asks, "Who do we give our questions to?" The Boss replies, "I think you'll find that it doesn't matter."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #vacant offices, #layoffs, #nice office, #actual door

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says to The Boss, "We sure have a lot of vacant offices since the layoffs." Dilbert continues, "I wouldn't mind having a nice office with an actual door. Why don't you let me have one?" The Boss responds, "Okay, take one." Dilbert shakes with anger and exclaims, "STOP TOYING WITH ME!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #win- win scenarios, #customer focused, #solutions, #actual prodcut, #sell, #partner, #shovel

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is meeting with a salesman. The salesman says, "We provide win-win scenarios and customer-focused solutions." Dilbert responds, "Uh.. Okay.. But what is the actual product or service you sell?" The salesman says, "We don't sell; we partner." Dilbert responds, "I don't buy; I shovel."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #eat lunch, #few typos, #launch prodcut, #new prodcut, #other thing, #marketing, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally is sleeping on his keyboard. His computer makes noises, "Click Click Send." Headline: Marketing. An employee in the marketing department says to his coworker, "Someone named Wally is telling us to launch the new product." The employee continues, "Or it might say to eat lunch with a penguin. It has a few typos." The coworker replies, "I already ate, so let's do the other thing."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #assistant, #company politics, #pretend, #actual work

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Wally, "I have an assignment for you that has no value whatsoever to the company." The Boss continues, "For reasons of company politics, I need to pretend I'm doing something in that area." Wally approaches Dilbert and says, "So, you're doing actual work. What's that all about?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #user requirements, #build system, #some actual work, #crazy talk

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is meeting with a client. Dilbert says, "I'll design the system as soon as you give me the user requirements." The client responds, "Better yet, you could build the system, then I'll tell your boss that it doesn't meet my needs." Dilbert says, "I don't mean to frighten you, but you'll have to do some actual work." The client responds, "That's crazy talk."