Anti Co Worker Comic Strips - Page 5

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View 41 - 50 results for anti co worker comic strips. Discover the best "Anti Co Worker" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #alice, #the boss, #Wally, #raises, #dependent, #evaluation, #co-workers, #hypothetically, #small, #available, #budget, #standards

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The Boss says to Dilbert, Wally and Alice, "From now on, your raises will be partly dependent on an evaluation by your co-workers." Wally asks, "Hypothetically, if my co-workers got small raises then wouldn't there be more available in the budget for me?" Wally, Alice and Dilbert fall to the ground and fight. The Boss says, "That didn't last long, even by our standards."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #promote, #technical, #primadonna, #disdain, #dummy, #inflatable, #question, #personal, #buddy

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Dilbert sits in a desk chair and Dogbert stands on the desk. Dogbert says, "Your boss won't promote you to 'Technical Prima Donna' until you learn disdain for others." Dogbert says, "Pretend this inflatable dummy is a co-worker asking a question. See how long you can ignore it. I'll check back later." Dilbert whispers to the dummy, "Psst. Nothing personal, buddy. This is just practice." Dogbert yells, "Hey! Hey!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #zombies, #squash, #creativity, #facial, #expression, #comprehension, #marketing, #fear

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Dogbert stands in front of an audience and says, "The successful zombie knows how to squash the creativity of co-workers." Dogbert points to a picture of a man with bags under his eyes and says, "When you hear a new idea, adopt a facial expression which conveys both fear and an utter lack of comprehension." Dogbert continues, "Those of you who work in marketing only need to add the fear part." Someone asks, "Why is that?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #alice, #patent, #co workers

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Alice asks, "Dilbert, would you add my name to your patent application?" Dilbert asks, "Why should I?" Alice replies, "I would consider upgrading your status from 'co-worker' to 'friend I never see outside of work.'" Dilbert asks, "Would we eat lunch together?" Alice replies, "No, but I'll pencil you in and cancel at the last minute."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #the boss, #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #ted, #alice, #award, #co workers

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The Boss and Dilbert stand in front of a room of people. The Boss says, "The award for best attendance goes to Dilbert." Dilbert says, "I'd like to thank the people who made this possible." Dilbert continues, "First, I'd like to thank the women in the company who have rejected me over the years . . ." Dilbert continues, "Because of them I have no germ-riddled children to infect me." Dilbert continues, "And thanks to my co-workers for never telling me about important meetings, thus keeping my germ exposure to a minimum." Dilbert continues, "And thanks to my boss for never assigning a project important enough to induce stress and weaken my immune system." Dilbert continues, "But what makes this award special is that each of you had to get sick in order for me to win." Dilbert arrives at home and says, "When you have your health, you have everything, Dogbert." Dogbert replies, "No, you also have to gloat."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #co worker, #man, #attractive woman, #socializing, #dating

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Dilbert sees a co-worker whose hair stands straight up. Dilbert asks, "What's wrong with you?" The man replies, "I have A.W.S." Dilbert asks, "You have 'Attractive Woman Syndrome' HERE??" The man replies, "She was just hired." The man shouts, "Run!" The Boss approaches and says, "Dilbert, I'd like you to meet Liz." Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh . . . My metabolism is increasing. My brain is suppressing what little social skills I have." The woman says, "Hi." Dilbert extends his hand and says, "It's a pleasure to meet me. I hope you never find a live turtle in your soup." Sweat flies off Dilbert's forehead. Dilbert covers his face with a piece of paper and thinks, "Aaagh! What was that supposed to mean??" Liz looks scared. The paper sticks to Dilbert's face and he thinks, "Oh great . . . The correction fluid wasn't dry. It's stuck to my eyebrows." Dilbert arrives at home with the document still stuck to his face. He asks Dogbert, "What can I do to stop frightening attractive women?" Dogbert replies, "That mask is a step in the right direction."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #ted, #co worker, #man, #computer, #work, #programming, #temporary

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Dilbert says to a man who is working furiously at the computer, "Wow! You temporary contract programmers sure are productive!" Dilbert continues, "It must be exciting to know you can be dismissed at any moment. Your very survival depends on results!" The man works faster. Wally says to Dilbert, "Let's go blame marketing for not giving us detailed requirements." Dilbert asks, "What's the big rush?" Behind them, the temp works so fast that smoke rises from the keyboard.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #jail

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Dilbert sits in a jailroom. Dilbert says, "I bet I've gone to jail more than the average law-abiding citizen." Dogbert replies, "I plan to defend you by proving your victim was a temp worker." Dilbert asks, "It's legal to kill a temp? Really??" Dogbert says, "Now all we need is a jury of your 'peers.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #judge, #Dogbert, #trial, #alice, #temp worker, #Wally, #jury

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Dogbert says to the members of a jury, "Yes, my client did accidentally slay a 'temp' worker . . . Emphasis on 'TEMP.'" Dogbert asks, "But who among us can say they haven't slain innocent people when the situation called for it?" The judge replies, "I can." Dogbert says, "Well, great . . . So much for getting a fair trial."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ted, #Dilbert, #job offer, #office

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Dilbert sits at his desk. A man asks, "Have I told you recently that I have a lucrative job offer from our competitor?" Dilbert replies, "Yes." The man continues, "The pay is obscene, they wear casual clothes at work, and Wednesday through Friday is free beer and pizza." The man continues, "As the new guy I get to date the masseuse until the company matches me with an attractive co-worker." Dilbert covers his eyes and sobs.