Dilbert: I need to find a way to bend this steel rod into a 'U.'
Wally: I'll take care of it.
I won the prestigious "steel spike award" For engineering excellence.
Alice: what??!!
Wally: I guess its validation for being the highest paid in the department....and for being male.
The Boss: Now Id like to recognize walter for his five years of work for this company.
walter: Thanks, but I've been here for thirty years ....Oh, I get it now.
I feel a sick day coming on.
The Boss: Later w'll be joined by the director of the only division thats making a profit.
Behold my greatness! Bathe ye all in the pleasure of my general proximity!!
I can only stay if you give me an award.
"The expense cutters award goes to Wally for drastically lowering his cell phone bill."
"Wally, would you like to say a few words to the group?"
"I lost my phone last month. Hey, thanks for the hundred dollars!"
Asok: "I worked nights and weekends to finish my project ahead of schedule."
The Boss: "Good. Here's more work."
Asok: "I don't understand. Am I being punished for working hard?"
The Boss: "No, you're being rewarded with exciting new challenges."
Asok: "Why does the plant grow faster when you say things like that?"
The Boss: "No reason."
"Stop that!"
"Anyway, your annual performance review will award your hard work."
Wally: That is one fertilized plant
The Boss: This award goes to Asok for his hard work on ... Whatever.
Asok: "My dedication has been rewarded! This is the happiest moment of my life!" "Wow! It's lucky that I got a new chair on the same day that mine was stolen."
"The employee of the month is Tina, for all of the um...various work that she does." "You have stripped this award of its meaning by showing that you don't even know what my job is." "It's as if you've never listened to anything I've ever said." "You're welcome!"
"Dilbert, meet Albert. He's old, but I like to call him experienced." "I'm trying to win an award for being one of the best places to work if you have one foot in the grave." "I'm only 54. I ran a marathon yesterday." "I asked the cafeteria to stock up on food that's easy to gum."
The Boss: It's time for some generic management.
"Did you talk to what's his name about the thing?"
Alice: "Um...Yes."
The Boss: "There should be some sort of award for avoiding minutiae."
Dilbert says, "How much do I owe you in legal fees for helping me win my lawsuit?" Dogbert says, "My fee is 100% of the jury award plus I get to call you names that sound worse than they are." Dilbert says, "That doesn't seem fair." Dogbert says, "You're an analog."
