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Dilbert says to Dogbert, "This is my new optical disk player for the computer." Dilbert plugs the disk player into his computer and continues, "Now I can instantly access the works of Shakespeare or study the history of Greece!" Dogbert asks, "How often do you need to do that?" Dilbert asks, "You just don't understand technology, do you?" Dogbert answers, "I'm just a dog."
Dilbert sits in his chair and says to Dogbert, "It's an ethical dilemma . . . I support my company's goal of discouraging drug use, but the random drug testing policy is a violation of my constitutional rights." Dilbert continues, "I'll get fired if I refuse the test. What is the ethical thing to do?" Dogbert replies, "Hack into their computer and change your Boss's test results." Dilbert sits at his computer and says, "Sometimes the straightest path is through the mud." Dogbert says, "Good, rationalize it with an obtuse metaphor."
The Boss says to Dilbert, Wally and a woman, "I'm discontinuing the employee drug testing program . . ." The Boss shows Dilbert a document and says, "Because my own tests keep turning out positive . . . Which makes me suspect that some wise guy has tampered with the medical computer." Dilbert says, "Denial and paranoia . . . Classic symptoms." Wally asks, "Is he 'high' right now?"
Dogbert stands on a desk chair typing while Dilbert looks over his shoulder. Dogbert says, "I'm starting my own tabloid newspaper, the 'Dogbert Star.'" Dogbert explains, "All of the stories will be sensational lies about me . . . That way I'll save money on lawsuits." Dogbert types, "An angry Dogbert denied that his ego was so big he started a tabloid devoted entirely to himself."
Dilbert sits in his desk chair. The Boss says, "You've been randomly selected to have lunch with a senior executive of the company." The Boss continues, "This is how the executives show that they are regular people, just like you and me." At lunch, Dilbert sits at a table wearing a suit jacket. The executive says, "I could squash you like a bug! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!"
Dilbert says to Wally, "I just read that in a few years you will be able to access all of the news and information of the world from your personal computer." Dilbert continues, "You probably saw the same article in today's paper." Wally replies, "I don't read a paper." Dilbert thinks as he walks away, "What's wrong with this picture?"
The Boss says to Dilbert, "We've addressed your concern about the potential safety hazard of computer terminal radiation." An air bag explodes out of a computer monitor and knocks Dilbert off his feet. Dilbert lies in a hole in the wall. A scientist with a clipboard says, "Air bags -- their time has come."
Dilbert sits at his desk looking at his computer. Dilbert says, "I have become one with my computer." Dilbert continues, "It is a feeling of ecstasy . . . The perfect blend of logic and emotion." Dilbert says, "I have reached . . ." Dogbert says, "Nerdvana."
Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #butterfly, #bug, #flying, #much, #now, #kill, #flatten, #becomes, #beautiful, #work, #art, #guts, #wings, #evenly, #spaced, #ants, #pants, #mother, #nature, #standing, #resist
Dilbert and Dogbert sit in the bushes. Dilbert points and says, "Look! A beautiful Regency butterfly!" Dogbert says, "Beautiful?? It's a flying BUG." Dilbert says, "It may not seem like much now . . ." Dilbert continues, "But after we kill it, dip it in chemicals, and flatten it between glass, it becomes a beautiful work of art!" Dogbert asks, "Do we throw away the bug guts and just keep the wings?" Dilbert replies, "No. The guts keep the wings evenly spaced." Dilbert screams and yells, "Ants in my pants!!" He jumps out of the bushes. As Dilbert runs away, a woman comes out of the bushes. Dogbert says, "Mother Nature!" Mother Nature says, "He was standing right on an anthill. I couldn't resist."
Dilbert sits at his desk thinking, "Would the world be any worse off if I'd never been born?" Dilbert thinks, "Wait . . . If not for me, who would turn off this computer every night. I'm saving electricity!" Dilbert arrives at home carrying his briefcase and says to Dogbert, "I found meaning in my life today." Dogbert says, "You left your bedroom light on all day."