Department Newsletter Comic Strips - Page 5

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View 41 - 50 results for department newsletter comic strips. Discover the best "Department Newsletter" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #good inertia, #marketing department, #project, #under funded, #uniformed decision, #take blame

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The Boss: How's your project coming along? Dilbert: Its under-funded and doomed. But Ive got some goof inertia going and Im setting the marketing department up to take the blame. The Boss: I feel like I should be doing something here. Dilbert: Ive got you planned to make an uniformed decision next week.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #steering committee, #calla meeting, #department heads, #override, #moot point, #leaders only

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Dilbert: Did you remember what the steering committee decided about my project? The Boss: Nope You'd better calla meeting with all the department heads, Their orders will override the steering committee and make it a moot point, Dilbert: It will take months to get on all of their calendars. The boss: And don't invite yourself. Its for leaders only.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new cucbicle, #self suffcient, #work space, #life suport, #various tubes, #watch to body, #vital signs, #monitor, #central location, #human resources dept, #emergency hiring

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"Here's your new cubicle: the Cuborg 2000." "It's a self-sufficient workspace and life support system." "These tubes attach to various parts of your body so you never have to leave." "Various parts?" "Let's just say you don't want to get these two tubes mixed up." "We'll monitor your vital signs from a central location." "The company nurse?" "No; the human resources department, in case we have to do some emergency hiring." "Is it upgradeable?" "Yeah, the Cuborg 3000 is expected to have air holes."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #comic book, #adventure of boron, #most boring man, #ego, #boron, #slays marketing dept, #engineers, #respect in society, #transfer mode technology

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"What are you drawing, Dogbert? "I'm creating a comic book called, 'The Adventures of Boron'." "'The most boring man in the entire Universe'." "Boron looks like me." "Geez, what an ego you have." "In chapter one, Boron slays the entire marketing department by explaining asynchronous protocols." "I think it's high time we engineers got a little respect in this society!" "Furthermore, there are many advantages to asynchronous transfer mode switch technology!" "First, there's bandwidth..."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #benefits dept, #retire now, #haitian penny stocks, #change in tone, #letter about pension, #contrarain investor

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dilbert: Uh-oh...it's never good when we get mail from the benefits department. "retire now or we'll invest your entire pension in haitian penny stocks. Dilbert: Have you noticed a change in tone lately? Wally: Little do they know Im a contrarian investor.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #iso 9000 certfication, #create boring, #poorly written document, #big binder, #copies to dept. heads, #dead racoon

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Dilbert puts a transparency on an overhead projector and says, "Here's the basic plan for getting our 'ISO 9000' certification." Dilbert points at the diagram and continues, "Each of you will create an insanely boring, poorly written document. I'll combine them into one big honkin' binder." Dilbert points to a picture of a man passing a binder to another man and continues, "I'll send copies to all department heads for comment. They will treat it like a dead raccoon and route it to the first passerby."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #assets ratio, #boost, #security department, #brisk redcution, #joking, #den

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The Boss, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "We need to boost our return-on-assets ratio." Wally says, "Let's eliminate the security department. That would cut expenses while allowing for a brisk reduction in assets." As they walk away, Dilbert asks Wally, "When are you planning to tell him you were joking?" Wally responds, "After I furnish my den."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #kill the messenger, #finance, #20% cut, #budget cuts, #success vector, #money

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An employee from the finance department stands beside an overhead projector, giving a presentation to Dilbert and Alice. The man says, "Here's your latest budget cuts. But please don't kill the messenger from finance, ha ha!!" The man continues, "I recommended a 20% cut. A quick glance around the room tells me you're not on the success vector anyhoo, so nothing lost." The finance employee hangs out the window, tied up in the overhead projector's power cord. He says, "Tough room."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #transfer, #department, #dysfunctional organization, #love and support, #long distant, #fax room, #resume, #complete jerk

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Wally sits in a chair across from a manager's desk. The manager asks, "Why do you want to transfer to my department, Wally?" Wally responds, "I'm in a dysfunctional organization. I'm not getting the love and support I need. That's why I've been making long-distance personal calls from the fax room." The manager says, "Your resume says every boss you've had was a complete jerk." Wally responds, "So, when do I start?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hired, #finance, #dept, #cut spending, #studying, #inefficeincy, #boldface, #electricity, #money

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Ratbert stands on Dilbert's desk and says, "I've been hired by the finance department to help cut spending." Ratbert continues, "I'll be studying your every move and looking for waste and inefficiency." Looking over Dilbert's shoulder at his monitor, Ratbert says, "Those words in boldface look like they're sucking up the ol' electricity."