Don't Handle Stress Comic Strips - Page 5
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Dilbert and Dogbert walk down the sidewalk. A man walking in the other direction says, "Hi, Dilbert." Dilbert says, "Hi, Frank." The man says, "My name is Eddy, not Frank." Dilbert replies, "Oh . . . Right. Sorry, Eddy." Dilbert thinks, "This is so embarrassing." Eddy says, "Forgetting somebody's name is the worst insult in the world." Eddy continues, "Now my self-esteem has been damaged. My job performance will drop accordingly, and I'll be fired." Eddy shivers and says, "The stress is starting to affect my immune system. I'm getting a cold." Dogbert holds out his paw and says, "I'm Dogbert. Nice to meet you, Frank."
The caption says, "Dogbert continues his reckless experiment with the powerful force of 'affirmations.'" Dilbert watches Dogbert write on a piece of paper and asks, ". . . What if this actually works?" Dilbert asks, "Can you really cause me to be eaten by a garden slug just by writing it down over and over?" Dilbert continues, "What am I saying? Logically, there's no way this could work." Dogbert says, "Don't get too far from salt."
Dilbert: Well, if you're my ego, I order you to get back inside me. Ego: You don't seem to understand who's in charge here. Without me, you're nothing! Dilbert: I do feel a bit insecure. Ego: Now dance for me, ha ha ha, dance!
Dilbert and Dogbert sit outdoors. Dilbert says, "I've been considering acupuncture as a way to relieve stress." Dogbert asks, "The theory here is that sticking large needles into your body will help you relax?" Dilbert replies, "It sounds silly when YOU say it." Dogbert says, "Sometimes sarcasm helps us think more clearly."
Dilbert points to a telephone on the desk and says to Dogbert, "This is the new 'hot line' phone to the Kremlin. My company won the bid to engineer the new model." Dilbert says as he walks away, "That's a fully functional prototype, so don't mess with it." Dogbert picks up the phone and says, "So, Gorby, I understand you've been finger-painting with your forehead . . ."
Dilbert: Yikes!!! A skunk in the house. Skunk: Hi. Oh, don't worry; we skunks only spray when we're scared... I certainly wouldn't use my threatening power to force you to do my bidding. Dilbert: Then why is your tail twitching?! Skunk: I'm scared you might not offer me a big bowl of strawberry ice cream.
Dilbert, who is wearing his bathrobe, says into the telephone, "That's right . . . cough-cough! . . . I won't be in to work . . . cough-wheeze-cough . . ." Dilbert continues, "Bad cold? Well, no, actually I have a bad headache . . ." Dilbert continues, "But I don't know how to make a headache sound over the phone."
Dogbert: Santa! Santa: Merry Christmas, Dogbert! I'm glad you're up... I'm having a little trouble with your christmas list. In your letter you say you want to be named supreme ruler of earth. Dogbert: Is that a problem? Santa: Frankly, my workshop is more oriented toward small consumer goods... Dogbert: Can I have an elf? Dilbert: Has, G.I. Joe taken up ballet, or is this something I don't want to know about?
Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I'm thinking of getting a tattoo." Dilbert continues, "On my shoulder . . . Something tasteful yet timeless. I don't want to regret it later." Dilbert asks, "Any suggestions?" Dogbert replies, "How about 'Kick me?'"
Dilbert sits in his chair reading the newspaper and Dogbert stands on the hassock. Dogbert says, "I'm grumpy today, so don't even try to talk to me." Dogbert continues, "And don't try to flatter me or give me chocolate cake to make me feel better." Dilbert says, "And I guess I shouldn't scratch you behind the ears until you have little leg spasms." Dogbert sits on Dilbert's legs and says, "Right. None of that."