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676 Results for Eliminate Your Project

View 41 - 50 results for eliminate your project comic strips. Discover the best "Eliminate Your Project" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 20, 1994's comic on:


Tags #good inertia, #marketing department, #project, #under funded, #uniformed decision, #take blame

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The Boss: How's your project coming along? Dilbert: Its under-funded and doomed. But Ive got some goof inertia going and Im setting the marketing department up to take the blame. The Boss: I feel like I should be doing something here. Dilbert: Ive got you planned to make an uniformed decision next week.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 21, 1994's comic on:


Tags #change project, #actual knowledge, #changes, #voicemail

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The Boss: "We just had a meeting and decided to change your project substantially." "We didn't invite you to the meeting because things go smoother when nobody has any actual knowledge." Dilbert: "So, what are the changes?" The Boss: "If I remember, I'll leave you a voice mail."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 22, 1994's comic on:


Tags #project plan, #every resource, #task, #dependency, #road map, #two weeks, #tasks, #two weeks late, #dependencies are wrong, #estimates, #to be determined, #ransom numbers, #redo whole plan

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Man: "Let's spend the next four hours reviewing the project plan." "I've detailed every resource, task and dependency into an exquisitely accurate road map." "It took me two weeks, but it's the only way to make sure we're not wasting time." Alice: "My tasks are two weeks late because I was waiting for your input." Dilbert: "And you left off one task, so all the dependencies are wrong." Wally: "I'm changing all of my estimate to 'to be determined'." Dilbert: "Can we do that? I've just been using random numbers." Man: "I'll have to redo the whole plan." Wally: "Don't worry. We won't do anything until we hear from you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 23, 1994's comic on:


Tags #steering committee, #calla meeting, #department heads, #override, #moot point, #leaders only

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Dilbert: Did you remember what the steering committee decided about my project? The Boss: Nope You'd better calla meeting with all the department heads, Their orders will override the steering committee and make it a moot point, Dilbert: It will take months to get on all of their calendars. The boss: And don't invite yourself. Its for leaders only.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 24, 1994's comic on:


Tags #the boss, #Dilbert, #project, #cooler, #acronym, #joke, #anticipated, #beginning, #binders, #fulfilling, #Dogbert, #job

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"I was just reading your project status report." "You say the project is delayed 'due to the ongoing bungling of a clueless, pointy-haired individual.'" "Instead of saying 'due to', it would read better as 'facilitated by'."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 25, 1994's comic on:


Tags #canceling project, #cooler acronym, #anticipated move, #carry empty binders, #less fullfilling

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"I'm cancelling your project so I can give your funding to a project that has a much cooler acronym." "Ha! The joke's on you! I anticipated this move from the beginning and have done nothing but carry empty binders for weeks!" "Being good at your job is less fulfilling than you might think, Dogbert."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 29, 1994's comic on:


Tags #Promotion, #director, #engineering group, #assignment, #fire them all, #eliminate, #passing off, #dirty work, #promotion for nothing

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The Boss: "Wally, I'm promoting you to Director of the Engineering Quality Group!" Wally: "Yes!" "Wait a minute. I thought you were going to eliminate that group." The Boss: "Your assignment is to fire them all." Wally: "Aaagh! That will be hideous!" "And when I'm done you won't need a director. Then you'll fire me!" The Boss: "You have my word that I will not fire you." Dilbert: "Hi, guys." The Boss: "That would be a job for Executive Director Dilbert."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 09, 1994's comic on:


Tags #six months, #project six months, #one month, #annual visit, #doesn't understand, #selfish boss, #impossible tasks, #time frames etc

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"If I start the project today and work nights and weekends it will take...oh, six months." "It has to be done in ONE month so we can show it to our VP on her annual visit." "I have to know; does it even cross your mind to handle this differently?" "I'll need daily status reports on why you're so behind."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 29, 1994's comic on:


Tags #dogbert the publisher, #book, #minor changes, #purple dinosaur, #detective, #eliminate the murder, #murder mystery

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"Dogbert the Publisher" "I'd like to publish your book. All it needs are a few minor changes." "Make the main character a purple dinosaur instead of a detective. Add some upbeat songs and eliminate the murder." "It's a murder mystery!!" "Oh, that's original."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 04, 1994's comic on:


Tags #baywatch, #morale is low, #talk of mutiny, #project staus report, #death to boss, #pointy haired one

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Dilbert: Here's my daily project status report. Morale is low. There is talk of mutiny. we dream of quitting and becoming lifeguards on "Baywatch" Death to the pointy haired one. The Boss: Holy Cow! "Baywatch' is hiring??!