Enough Direct Reports Comic Strips - Page 5

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347 Results for Enough Direct Reports

View 41 - 50 results for enough direct reports comic strips. Discover the best "Enough Direct Reports" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 19, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #man, #taser, #radio traffic

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Dogbert stands at a man's door and says, "I'm looking for the idiot who does the radio traffic reports." The man says, "Speaking of idiots, only an idiot would want to be in this traffic!" Dogbert zaps the man and says, "That's for making me listen to inane segues."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 24, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #shopping

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Dilbert sits in his chair reading the newspaper and Dogbert sits on Dilbert's legs. Dogbert says, "Several shopping hours left, and you just sit there." Dogbert continues, "Did you really buy enough gifts for Dogbert? You worry. Guilt and doubt begin to gnaw at your gut . . . The pain . . . The pain . . ." Dilbert says as he puts on his coat, "I thought it was the thought that counts." Dogbert says, "Don't believe the hype."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 06, 1994's comic on:


Tags #boss brain, #profitable, #cut costs, #selling products

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"The boss's brain." "Hummm." "Theoretically, if I cut costs enough we'll be profitable without selling any products." "How do they get the ink in these things?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 08, 1994's comic on:


Tags #budget analyst, #budget cuts, #intelligent choices, #understand enginering, #strategy

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The Boss: Susan, I want you to make some budget cuts throughout my department. Susan: But Im only the budget analyst. I couldn't understand all the engineering projects enough to make intelligent choices. The Boss: Really? Great! I thought it was just me! Susan: Shall I whomp up a strategy while Im at it?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 20, 1994's comic on:


Tags #better comoritively, #dread, #fixed income, #health problems, #pre meeting meeting, #retirement, #shrink, #wrinkles, #complaints

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wally: Im looking forward to retirement. I can't wait! I'll have my tiny fixed income, barley enough to survive! ...and a new health problem almost everyday! Wally: I'll have wrinkles everywhere and I'll actually shrink! HAHA! I'll produce nothing and I'll complain constantly! Dilbert: You're looking forward to a ll that?? WallyL well...compared to working here... The boss: Its time for the pre meeting meeting on employee productivity. Wally and Dilbert: mmm. fixed income ...health problems...

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 01, 1994's comic on:


Tags #all day meetings, #cutting staff, #giving stats reports, #layers, #quality team meeting, #root cause, #slow computers, #slow design, #wild guesses

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Dilbert: Thank you all for coming to our engineering quality team meeting. Dilbert: Today we'll try to identify the root cause of our slow design process. Wally: Let me take some wild guesses here. Management keeps increasing our work and cutting our staff. Wally: we spend all out time giving status reports to unnecessary layers of management!! Wally: ow we're having all -day meetings to talk about our efficiency!! Dilbert: I was kinda hoping for some thing that inst anybody fault. Our computers are too slow. we need new ones, Dilbert: now we're getting someplace.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 15, 1994's comic on:


Tags #pretending, #personal lives, #interested, #management technique, #job satisfaction, #more money, #boost intangible benefits, #chisel away, #salaries, #families, #wife divorced, #job lowers self esteem, #attract mate, #said hello

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"Hi guys, how are your families?" "?" "?" "Why are you pretending to be interested in our personal lives?" "It's a management technique to increase your job satisfaction without giving you more money." "My plan is to boost your intangible benefits while continuing to chisel away at your salaries." "But enough about me...how are those families of yours?" "My wife divorced me because you make me work so many hours." "This job lowers my self-esteem too much to attract a mate." "Tell them I said 'hi'."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 09, 1994's comic on:


Tags #six months, #project six months, #one month, #annual visit, #doesn't understand, #selfish boss, #impossible tasks, #time frames etc

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"If I start the project today and work nights and weekends it will take...oh, six months." "It has to be done in ONE month so we can show it to our VP on her annual visit." "I have to know; does it even cross your mind to handle this differently?" "I'll need daily status reports on why you're so behind."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 26, 1994's comic on:


Tags #lab supplies, #batteries, #electric motor, #wheels, #hand truck, #build go cart, #lab, #building liner accelrator

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"The new lab supplies are in!" "We got the batteries, and the electric motor!" "Take the wheels off the hand truck and we can start building our go-cart." "I think I'll drop in on the lab." "What are you working on now?" "We're building a linear accelerator." "Marketing insisted." "Good, good. Carry on." "We really don't appreciate him enough." "Let's put a TV in this baby."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 24, 1994's comic on:


Tags #downtrodden cubicle workers, #form union, #working conditions, #salaried workers, #against law, #no overtime, #no security, #spines, #demand bigger cucbilce, #union dues, #long hours, #strap on spines

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"Hear me, all downtrodden cubicle workers!" "I have come to form a union to improve your working conditions!" "We can't join a union. We're salaried." "I think it's against the law, or something." "You've got long hours, no overtime, shrinking benefits and no job security. You must act now!" "You're confusing us with people who have spines." "Don't worry, I brought strap-on porta-spines for everybody." "I demand a bigger cubicle!" "Nobody will take advantage of us ever again!" "Now, let's talk about union dues." "Fair enough."