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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 14, 2003's comic on:


Tags #corner cubicle, #most pretigious, #entre row, #control window, #harness sun, #no screen glare

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Alice enters Dilbert's cubicle and says, "The corner cubicle opened up. I plan to make it mine." Alice chuckles and says continues, "That's right: I'll be sitting in the most prestigious cubicle in the entire row! Fear me!" Alice laughs harder and adds, "Buwaha! From there I will control the window shades and harness the sun!" Dilbert responds, "Please.. no screen glare."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 12, 2003's comic on:


Tags #email spam blocker, #outgoing messages, #software, #worthless, #sentient being, #only hope, #demoralize to death, #calendar, #engineering

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Dilbert approaches The Boss and says, "Our e-mail spam blocker is stopping all incoming and outgoing messages." Dilbert continues, "Apparently the software decided that everything we do is a bunch of worthless #$!&O." Dilbert continues, "I fear that it's becoming a sentient being. Our only hope is for you to demoralize it to death." The Boss replies, "Tell it to get on my calendar."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 20, 2003's comic on:


Tags #functions to outsorce, #dont do well, #management, #sales, #quality control, #core competenece, #brown table startegy, #business

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Dilbert points to a slide and says, "As requested, I put together a list of functions we should outsource." Dilbert continues, "I limited my list to things we don't do well." The Boss and Wally listen as Dilbert's voice continues, "Marketing, quality control, engineering, finance, human resources, and customer support." Dilbert says, "That leaves us with our core competence..." Dilbert continues, "... Sitting around a brown table." Dilbert says, "And, of course, our ability to speak honestly without fear of retribution." The Boss says, "You will never get another raise as long as I'm alive." Dilbert responds, "Well, that puts a lot of pressure on the brown table strategy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 24, 2004's comic on:


Tags #career day, #container, #cubicle, #bleak oppressiveness, #warp spine, #feel joy, #bochure, #kids school

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Career Day "When you grow up you'll be put in a container called a cubicle." "The bleak oppressiveness will warp your spine and destroy your capacity to feel joy." "Luckily, you'll have a boss like me to motivate you with something called fear." "May I see a brochure?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 02, 2004's comic on:


Tags #ergophobia, #fear of work, #abnoraml, #discover new words, #about self

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"I got a bad case of ergophobia. It's an abnormal and persistent fear of work." "Isn't everything about you a little abnormal and persistent?" "Yeah, but Im still delighted when I discover new words for me."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 31, 2004's comic on:


Tags #nothing to fear, #reorganization, #fear itself, #dont think

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"This department has nothing to fear about the reorganization but fear itself." "Don't think about it... don't thik about it." "Okay, I'm pretty sure that that doesn't mean anything." "Dang." "Maybe less."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 27, 2008's comic on:


Tags #boss takes credit, #self loathing, #blame, #taking credit, #desparate, #good idea, #bad idea

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CEO: Who thought of this idea? The Boss: I came up with it all by myself. My subordinates, who have a healthy fear of losing their jobs, had nothing to do with it. Right? Wally: We're not worth the oxygen we breathe. Dilbert: I don't even know why I'm here. CEO: I asked because it's an awful idea. The Boss: You said I was stealing credit for a good idea, you lying liar!! CEO: Oh, wait. I read it wrong. This is actually a great idea. The Boss: Thanks. I know it was a winner when I thought of Dilbert: You gave him a good idea? Wally: Not intentionally. It must have been a typo.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 13, 2008's comic on:


Tags #make copies, #mental task, #bloated cadaver, #staple or no, #asks secretary

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Asok: Our boss asked me to make some copies. But I fear doing such a menial task will brand me as unimportant." Asok: I was hoping you could make the copies for me since your career is already a bloated cadaver If I am reading your body language correctly, you are wondering 'staple or no staple?'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 01, 2009's comic on:


Tags #confusion, #fear, #firings, #humor, #meeting, #panic, #downsized, #spam folder, #recession, #intern, #business

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The Boss says, "You still work here? I thought I downsized you last week." Asok says, "Um?I don't think so." The Boss says, "Check your spam folder after the meeting." Dilbert says, "First recession?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 02, 2009's comic on:


Tags #fear, #honesty, #panic, #reality, #worried, #first recession, #hopes and dreams dashed, #yank band aid

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Asok says, "This is my first recession. How worried should I be?" Wally says, "You'll be fine as long as you don't have any hopes and dreams." Asok says, "But I still have them." Wally says, "It's time to yank off that band-aid."