Fifty Comic Strips - Page 5
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The enemy was less than fifty feet away and my only hope was to call for an air strike. "That reminds me of the time I ran out of staples and had to use glue." "And then a sniper spotted me." "My glue was bad."
Strategy Meeting Man says, "The weak economy is limiting our strategic options." Man says, "I won't sugarcoat anything." Man says, "Option one is a long slide to oblivion." Oblivion Man says, "Option two is a death spiral." Man says, "Our new company logo is a man getting sucked into a toilet." Man says, "Our revised mission statememnt is 'Forage during daylight. Hide at night.'" Man says, "I'll pass out clubs, and you can decide among yourselves how to downsize by fifty percent." Wally says, "Is it just me or was it better when they sugarcoated?"
Dilbert says, "We agreed on about fifty things today, but you didn't take any notes." Dilbert says, "Let's schedule our next meeting to rehash all the stuff you'll forget from today." Dilbert says, "DO you have your calendar with you?" Morgan says, "No. Why do you ask?"
The Boss says, "Oh no. If I don't forward this e-mail to fifty friends, I'll die within a week." The Boss says, "I don't have that many friends! I need to make more friends, and fast!!!" Dilbert says, "What are you sending him now?" Wally says, "I'm upping it to sixty friends."
Tags #business ethics, #wealth, #ceo, #good job, #50 million dollar bonus, #not motivated, #bad genes, #inequality, #dosaprity, #ceo and worker, #unfair wages, #crazy money, #slave wages, #more work, #no rewards, #money
Carol: What does our CEO get if he does a good job? Boss: A fifty million dollar bonus. Carol: What do I get if I do a good job? Boss: More work. Carol: What's your best guess about why I'm not motivated? Boss: Bad genes.
Asok: A 27-year-old tech millionaire published his list of fifty things you need to do to succeed. Dilbert: In other words, he has no idea why he succeeded. Asok: Sure he does. He even has a chart of his top thirty... priorities. Okay, I hear it now.
CEO: I don't think my motivational messages are getting through to the employees. I can't make them pay attention to anything. Catbert: Have you tried not being boring? CEO: Good idea. I'll make fifty slides of pure excitement.
Boss: Our CEO wants me to make a fifty-slide presentation for him that will motivate employees. Dilbert: Ha ha! Now you know how we feel when you ask us to do ridiculous things. Boss: Anyway, I don't have time, so I need you to do it for me.
Wally: We've achieved optimal meeting density. We have so many meetings that I can avoid all of them by saying I have another meeting at the same time. Man: While you're here, can you review my slide deck? Wally: I'd love to, but I have fifty slide decks ahead of you.
Man: What kinds of classes should I take to become an engineer? Alice: Start by taking whatever kind of class makes you fifty percent smarter. Man: Then what? Alice: Then you won't need to ask me what to do next.