God Of Velcro Comic Strips - Page 5
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58 Results for God Of Velcro
View 41 - 50 results for god of velcro comic strips. Discover the best "God Of Velcro" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday December 18,
2005
Tags #buy insurance, #whole life umbrella rider, #read list, #acts of god, #wrong god, #lighting strike
Transcript
"I'd like to buy some insurance, but I don't know much about it." "You need my special indemnity casualty whole life umbrella rider binder." "What does it cover?" "I can't answer that directly?" "Just read that list of exclusions. Anything not in there is covered." "Does it cover acts of God?" "Yes, unless you pray to the wrong one." "How do I know if it's the wrong god?" "If you buy this insurance, and lightning doesn't strike me, try another god."
Friday September 15,
2006
Thursday April 26,
2007
Thursday January 07,
2010
Tags #doubting, #challenge, #bible, #god, #scare, #planned, #Religion
Transcript
The Boss says, "Wally, I need you to work with a greater sense of urgency." Wally says, "The Bible says, "Good things come to those who wait." Wally says, "SO it's basically you against God. Let me know when you two get it sorted out." Dilbert says, "Really? There was thunder when he doubted you?" Wally says, "I synchronize my excuses to weather forecasts."
Sunday May 16,
2010
Tags #wolfgang, #legend, #spread rumor, #scacred, #hand up, #shake, #beard, #name, #plead, #bow, #software genius
Transcript
The Boss says, "I asked Wolfgang to join us." The Boss says, "He's a software genius, if not a legend." The Boss says, "He knows more than all of you put together." The Boss says, "Plus his name is Wolfgang." The Boss says, "Some say his talent is a genetic mutation. Others say that god speaks to him in Unix." The Boss says, "All we know for sure is that he glows, and he never needs to eat." The Boss says, "I feel a chill. It means he's appraoching." The Boss says, "Please don't reprogram my DNA and make me a monkey-man!!!" Wally says, "People make a lot of assumptions when you change your name to Wolfgang and stop shaving."
Sunday October 17,
2010
Tags #elbonia, #bribe, #monkey god, #oobanoobah, #minister of mud, #steal, #office
Transcript
The Boss says, "We'll lose the Elbonian Project unless we give their minister of mud some? incentive." Wally says, "You mean a bribe?" The Boss says, "No. A bribe would be illegal." The Boss says, "Take a bag of gold to Elbonia and leave it by the statue of the monkey god, Oobanoobah." The Boss says, "If Oobanoobah does not accept your offering, by Elbonian law it becomes unclaimed property." The Boss says, "Take the gold to the unclaimed property desk at the ministry of mud." The Boss says, "Ring the bell and ask for the minister of mud. Give him the unclaimed property and a copy of our bid." Wally says, "What if the monkey god accepts the gold and I'm the only witness?" The Boss says, "What?" Wally says, "How much monkey god gold are we talking?"
Thursday September 01,
2011
Tags #writing, #writing materials, #executive leadership, #money good, #pie chart, #kitten
Transcript
Boss: Can you word that more simply? I need to explain it to the executive leadership. Alice: Money be god. This make more. Oogah! Boss: That was uncalled for? Alice: I can replace the pie chart with a kitten.
Friday September 23,
2011
Tags #annoyance, #conversation, #dating, #micromanaging, #boss, #god work, #just listen, #insulting, #insuate, #relationships
Transcript
Woman: My boss keeps micromanaging me. Dilbert: Have you tried doing good work so she doesn't feel the need? Maybe I should just listen.
Friday March 29,
2013
Tags #pregnant woman, #robot, #singularity, #robots rule, #galaxy, #bacteria socaked, #parasite, #personal slave, #future, #small talk
Transcript
Robot: I see you have a bacteria- soaked parasite growing in your womb. Robot: After the singularity, when robots rule the galaxy, I'll turn that thing into a personal slave. Tina: You're not god at small talk. Robot: I wonder how many watts it can produce.
Tuesday April 09,
2013
Tags #gods, #monsters, #taxes, #tax code, #confused, #upstairs neighbor
Transcript
Monster: Ha ha! We've made the tax code so complex that even God would be confused. God: Seriously, dudes? Dogbert: Please tell me you have an upstairs neighbor. Monster: i believe I do, but I haven't actually seen him.