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View 41 - 50 results for hows my walking comic strips. Discover the best "Hows My Walking" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #date other men, #break up, #need a spare, #not break up, #other dates

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Liz and Dilbert walk outdoors. Liz says, "I've decided to date other men." Dilbert cries, "Nooo!!! Don't break up with me!" Liz replies, "I'm not. I just want to date other men at the same time." Dilbert folds his arms across his chest and says, "I am NOT happy right now." Liz points to a man walking next to her and says, "That's exactly why I need a spare."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computer support, #elbonian data base, #expensive consultant, #five hundred dollars, #meeting, #business

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The Boss, Alice, Ratbert, Wally and Dilbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "We're going to replace our computer support systems with the Elbonian database product." The Boss gestures toward Ratbert and continues, "It's risky, but don't worry. I've hired an outrageously expensive consultant who has never done this before." Ratbert says to Wally, "I earned five hundred dollars just coming to this meeting. How's YOUR day going?" Wally replies, "It won't make my top ten."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #more work, #feeling unappreciated, #hard working employee, #hourly basis

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Dilbert and Wally stand in front of the coffee machine. Wally says, "The more work I do, the more I'm given." Wally continues, "It doesn't pay to be a talented and hard-working employee." Dilbert asks, "How's it pay to be YOU?" Wally replies, "Not bad on an hourly basis."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #first salesperson, #noah, #sell ark, #animals, #yacht, #sales babble, #disguise motives, #pioneered lame joke, #weather, #reach quota, #blaming engineering, #greatest innovation

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Dogbert and Ratbert sit on the couch. Ratbert asks, "Who was the world's first salesperson, Dogbert?" Dogbert replies, "Some people say it was a guy named Noah." The caption says, "Noah's last name was content." Noah says, "I have a big, curly stick and I don't even know why." The caption says, "His job was to sell an ark cruise to animals." Noah asks an opossum hanging in a tree, "Did I say ark? I meant yacht." The caption says, "He invented soemthing called sales-babble to disquise his motives." Noah says, "We'll partner to leverage our value-adds in a win-win proposition." A beaver looks confused. The caption says, "He pioneered the lame joke." Noah asks a giraffe, "How's the weather up there? Hee hee!" The caption says, "When he couldn't reach quota, he got creative." Noah hands a unicorn horn to a cat and says, "Strap this to your head and don't ask questions." The caption says, "But his greatest innovation he called 'blaming engineering.'" An angry bear tells Noah, "I can't find the honey spa." Noah thinks, "Think fast."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mob, #stupid people, #attack dogbert, #drink hose water, #isn't working, #grass, #attack, #ruin our lawn, #spraying water, #hose fight

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CAption: A mob of stupid people attack Dogbert's house. One in-duh-vidual says, "Our plan to drink all of his hose water isn't working." Another in-duh-vidual has a garden hose in his mouth and looks as if he is about to burst. The first in-duh-vidual says, "Hey, careful! You're getting water all over the grass..." Another person says, "Wait, that gives me an idea!" Dilbert reads the newspaper. "How's the attack going?" Dogbert replies, "They tried to ruin our lawn by spraying water on it. But now it's turned into a hose fight."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cobol programmer, #millenium problem, #dinosaur

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "We need COBOL programmers for our mainframe millenium problem." The Boss says, "If you see anyone that looks like a COBOL programmer, let me know." Dilbert says, "Turn around." Bob the dinosaur is walking around the corner. The Boss says to Bob, "Are you a COBOL programmer?" Bob says, "No, but I'm often told I look like one." The Boss says, "You're hired."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bred, #work in cubicle, #personal life, #stealing, #good square meal, #square head

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The Boss says to Wally, "Wally, this is Rex Tangle, our newest employee." Rex is completely square, with flat sides to his head and torso. The Boss says, "Rex was specially bred to work in a cubicle." Wally says, "Looks like he'll fit right in." The Boss says, "Ask him about his personal life." Wally says, "Rex, how's your personal life?" Rex says, "I don't have one. That would be like stealing from the company." A little heart showing love floats above The Boss's head. Wally and Rex walk off. Wally asks, "So, do you eat lunch?" Rex says, "I would enjoy a good square meal." Dilbert and alice are sitting in the company cafeteria eating their lunches. Wally says, "Meet the future." Rex says, "Hello, you round pegs!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #call back, #one hour, #time zone

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Dilbert is walking by the Boss's office. He hears the Boss say, "I'll call you back in one hour, Irene." The Boss says, "You're in a different time zone, so you'll get the call in... um... three hours." Dilbert stops to listen. The Boss's eyes bug out in confusion and he says, "Really? You're three hours ahead? Then that means... whoa!.. you're freaking me out here!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #college, #dilmom, #filberts mother, #investment, #results of college, #sons cubicle, #education

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Dilbert and his mom are in the car. Dilbert's mom says, "It's so exciting to visit my son's cubicle!" As they're walking into the office, Dilbert's mom turns and says, "I worked hard to put you through college. Now I'll see the results of my investment!" Dilbert and his mom are standing in his cubicle. Dilbert's mom says, "Um.. you did attend classes, right?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hideous sycophant, #no hope, #career advancement, #lifestyle choice

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Dilbert and Allen walking down a hall. Dilbert asks, "So, Allen, what's it like to be a hideous sycophant?" Allen replies, "It's okay." Allen asks, "What's it like to have no hope of career advancement?" Dilbert responds, "Not bad." Allen and Dilbert sitting at table with food trays. Allen asks, "Were you born that way or is it a lifestyle choice?" Dilbert responds, "I'll ask my mom, but I think it was bad parenting."