Human Intelligence Comic Strips - Page 5
393 Results for Human Intelligence
View 41 - 50 results for human intelligence comic strips. Discover the best "Human Intelligence" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share April 11, 1996's comic on:
Dilbert arrives at home carrying a briefcase. Dogbert sits on the couch reading the newspaper. Dilbert says to Dogbert, "Today was a bad day. First the vending machine stole my money . . ." Dilbert continues, ". . . And by the end of the day I had been sentenced to death by the director of human resources . . ." Dogbert reads and hums as he ignores Dilbert. Still reading the paper, Dogbert says, "I've become totally desensitized to tragic news!" Dilbert says, "The execution is scheduled for tomorrow. I should call in sick."
Share May 07, 1996's comic on:
The caption says, "Catbert, the evil Director of Human Resources." Catbert, Wally, Dilbert and Alice sit at a conference table. Catbert says, "We're moving to 'cafeteria style' benefits." Catbert continues, "Under this system, if you need health care, you wander through the cafeteria asking 'Does anybody know what this red lump is?'" Alice asks, "What if it's a life-threatening problem?" Catbert replies, "That reminds me, the cafeteria won't be labeling the entrees anymore."
Share June 28, 1996's comic on:
The Boss and Dogbert sit at a table. Dogbert shows the Boss a document and says, "Here's my final plan for the company's day care facility." Dogbert continues, "I call it free range day care. The children are allowed to roam free among the cubicles. It's very economical." Two small children stand in Wally's cubicle. The boy says, "I don't believe he's really an evil troll." The girl says, "Look at the 'Powerpoint' slides he's making. It's not human."
Share July 15, 1996's comic on:
Wally sits across from Catbert's desk. Catbert says, "According to my sources, you've been enjoying your job, Wally." Wally replies, "It was temporary. I don't know what got into me . . ." Catbert says, "Please refer to page one of the employee manual." Wally reads the manual, "Job satisfaction is the same as stealing from the company." Catbert says, "I'll have to charge you for admission unless I start hearing some shrieks of pain."
Share August 18, 1996's comic on:
Dilbert and Dogbert walk down the sidewalk. Dogbert says, "People are getting stupider every day, relatively speaking." Dogbert continues, "The complexity of the world is increasing geometrically." Dogbert continues, "But your ability to learn is at the same slow trickle it has always been." Dogbert climbs onto a rock and continues, "Information is gushing toward your brain like a firehose aimed at a teacup." Dogbert stands on the rock and continues, "You're at a crossroads in history. Even the smartest among you has become 'functionally stupid.'" Dogbert continues, "Your only hope is to choose a leader whose vision can penetrate the thick fog of human incompetence." Dogbert raises his paws and shouts, "Dogbert for Supreme Ruler of Earth!!" Dilbert sits on a rock and asks, "Do you want my opinion?" Dogbert says, "What are the odds of that?"
Share September 15, 1996's comic on:
The Boss, Catbert, Wally, Dilbert and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Mr. Catbert, our evil director of human resources, will describe our new cubicle plan." Catbert says, "Last year we reduced the size of cubicles in the densification project." Catbert continues, "We didn't save much money, but we did lower morale." Catbert continues, "This year we'll build on that success . . ." Catbert holds a square box and says, "With the patented 'Head Cubicle.'" Catbert lifts the Head Cubicle and says, "Hold still, Wally." Catbert says, "And the head cubicle can be recycled after you're downsized!" The cubicle covers Wally's head. Dilbert, Alice and Wally wear the cubicles on their heads. Alice says, "We really need to draw the line at some point." Dilbert adds, "While we still have our dignity."
Share December 09, 1996's comic on:
Catbert sits on his desk. Alice says to him, "The mandatory upaid overtime is immoral. It's destroying the quality of my life." Catbert replies, "Alice, Alice, Alice . . . Companies are designed to maximize stockholder value, not employee happiness." Alice says, "Maybe the head of Human Resources should be a human." Catbert replies, "Privately I refer to myself as the Director of Disgruntled Cat Toys."
Share December 24, 1996's comic on:
Dilbert sits at a table with stacks of brochures in front of him. Dogbert stands on the table and says, "This is Marilyn Vos Savant, the smartest human alive." A woman stands behind Dogbert. Dogbert says, "She will help you understand your airline 'Often Flier' program." Marilyn looks at a brochure and says, "I'm stumped." Dilbert asks, "After this, could you tell me which phone company saves me the most money?" Marilyn replies, "My brain's trying to escape; you scared it." Her brain crawls out her ear.
Share February 06, 1997's comic on:
Alice sits across from Catbert's desk. She says, "I was so good at my job that I never needed to bother my boss, but he gave me a low rating because he didn't see me struggling." Catbert replies, "I must refer to my human resources binders to see how to deal with this." Catbert looks at a bookcase filled with binders. Most of the binders are labeled "Downsize" and a few are labeled "Hire Losers."
Share February 07, 1997's comic on:
Dilbert lies on the couch and Dogbert stands on the armrest. Dogbert looks at a stopwatch and says, "Don't mind the stopwatch. I'm testing the theory that people get dumber every minute." Dilbert says, "It's not so simple, Dogbert. You also have to consider my 'emotional intelligence,' which is defined in a book I haven't read." Dogbert stops the watch and says, "Twelve seconds." Dilbert sits up and says angrily, "Give me that watch, you hog!"