Imagine Comic Strips - Page 5

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

61 Results for Imagine

View 41 - 50 results for imagine comic strips. Discover the best "Imagine" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #servers, #delete unnecessary data, #pretend, #imagine, #profile

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "I need you to delete all of the unnecessary data from our servers to make room." Dilbert says, "Technically it's all unnecessary because our decisions are always based on flawed logic anyway." The Boss says, "Can you pretend some of it is necessary?" Dilbert says, "Sure. Can you pretned I deleted the stuff that isn't?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #design plan, #suboptimal, #highlighted items, #illusion of fullness, #olden times, #hat, #manage like its 1800's

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "My design plan is obviously too complex for a manager to understand." Dilbert says, "So I highlighted a few areas that are intentionally suboptimal." Dilbert says, "Just point to the highlighted items and demand that I fix them." Dilbert says, "That will give you the illusion of usefulness." Dilbert says, "Pretend this is olden times when bosses knew what their employees did for a living." Dilbert says, "To round out the fantasy, wear this hat made from a dead animal." Dilbert says, "Now manage me like it's the 1800's!" Boss says, "Do you have a smaller hat?" Dilbert says, "Imagine that we're out of candles."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mental gifting, #sweater, #tool, #stupid sweater

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "Are you ready to do mental gifting?" Dogbert says, "You go first." Dilbert says, "I imagine giving you a sweater that doesn't fit." Dogbert says, "I imagine giving you a tool that you already have." Dilbert says, "Merry Christmas, Dogbert." Dogbert says, "Stupid sweater."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #competition (psychology), #goals for the year, #assignments, #average raise, #invent nuclear fusion, #lack of knowledge

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I'm getting writer's block trying to come up with your goals for the year. Dilbert: Just write anything. We both know I'll ignore the goals and work on whatever you assign to me. Boss: How will I know if you do a good job if you don't have goals? Dilbert: Same way as always. You'll compare your lack of knowledge about what I did to the goals you imagine you might have created if you could have seen the future. Then you'll give me an average raise just like everyone else who didn't invent nuclear fusion. Boss: Works for me. Dilbert: It's better to not overthink these things.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #executives, #poor persons, #ceo morality test, #new tech, #fracking, #grinding porr people, #high pressure, #shale

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: Imagine I invented a new technology for fracking. It involves grinding poor people into a slurry and pumping it into shale at high pressure. Do you see any problems with that? CEO: Not enough shale! CEO Morality Test

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #telecommunication lines, #work ethic, #telecommuting, #policy, #assignments, #disappointed

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: And you are...? Coworker: I've worked for you for years. I was telecommuting, but now our company policy forbids it, so here I am. Boss: Did I give you any assignments in those four years? Coworker: No, and you can imagine how disappointed I am now.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #discrimination, #Women, #simple interface, #ruby on rails, #someone else mother, #sexist imbecile

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: The interface needs to be so simple your mother could use it. Dilbert: My mother taught herself Ruby On Rails over a weekend. Boss: Then imagine someone else's mother. Dilbert: Can I imagine a sexist imbecile?

Motivation Is Magical Thinking

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Motivation Is Magical Thinking - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #motivation, #magic, #inspiration, #futility, #futile, #honesty, #hard truth

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: Motivation is a form of magical thinking in which you imagine that your words can turn useless people into high achievers. Boss: But it totally works, right? Dogbert: Yes, because magic is real. Boss: Is it hard to learn? Dogbert: Not if you already know how to lie.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #idea, #brainstorm, #bald, #baldness, #hat, #steal, #patent, #invention

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: I thought of a product idea that could solve the baldness epidemic. Imagine an opaque material in the shape of a dome that puts the top of one's head in stealth mode. Dilbert: We could call it a "hat." CEO: Stop trying to steal my idea!

The Danger Of Sitting

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
The Danger Of Sitting - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work, #office, #sitting, #chair, #health, #working, #sedentary, #danger

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Why aren't you working in your cubicle? Wally: Sitting increases my risk of obesity, cardiometabolic disease, cancer, stress, depression, and cognitive dysfunction. Boss: I had no idea sitting was so dangerous. Wally: I know. Imagine if I tried working.