Martital Status Comic Strips - Page 5

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

86 Results for Martital Status

View 41 - 50 results for martital status comic strips. Discover the best "Martital Status" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #vital records protection plan, #extensive interviews, #key stakeholders, #digitized, #records, #encryotion, #natural magnets, #project team status report, #liars

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss, Wally, Alice and Dilbert are at a conference table. The boss says, "Wally, what's the status of our vital records protection plan?"` Wally thinks, "Think fast." Wally says, "I..uh...did extensive interviews with key stakeholders." Wally continues, "Then I..uh...formed a plan.." Wally says, "Now all the records are digitized and stored with 512 bit encryption..." Wally continues, "..At the center of the earth..on natural magnets." The boss says, "I meant you should read the project team's status report." Wally, reading, says, "They claim to have a plan. Liars."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #god of management time, #insatiable appetite, #kronos, #manipulate perception, #month, #plenty of time, #states reprts, #upgrade servers, #side effects

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Dilbert, "Upgrade all of our network servers by Tuesday." Dilbert responds, "That's impossible. I need at least a month." The Boss replies, "Oh, it's impossible. Watch this." The Boss yells, "I summon Kronos, The God of Management Time!!" A man in a pink suit and hat comes and says, "I, Kronos, will manipulate your perception of time." Kronos hits The Boss on the head with his wand. Dilbert responds, "I don't see how that helps..." Kronos explains, "When he wakes up he will believe there is plenty of time and that you are a weasel." Dilbert asks, "Any side effects?" Kronos replies, "Just an insatiable appetite for status reports."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #buzzwords, #strung together, #same status reprt, #every week, #eleven years, #mission statement

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Wally, "Wally, your status report is just a bunch of buzzwords strung together." Wally replies, "I've been giving you that same status report every week for eleven years." Wally continues, "Five years ago you adopted it as our mission statement."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #temporary boss, #revamp, #project staus, #color codes, #confess, #only one idea, #emabrrassing

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally addresses a meeting, "My first act as temporary boss is revamping our project status color codes." Wally points to a slide and says, "Red, yellow, and green will be replaced by white, off-white, and eggshell." Wally continues, "I have to confess, it was embarrassing to realize I only have one idea."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #focusing on bandwidth, #organic growth, #table an issue, #sudebar, #managing expectations, #ducks in a row, #no project

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "Wally, what's the status of your project?" Wally: "Deep breath.. clear my mind..." "I've been focusing my bandwidth on organic growth." "I'm getting lots of push-back, so I'm taking the discussions offline." "But sometimes I table an issue or handle it in a side bar." "Now I have my ducks in a row. The deal-breakers are on the back burner, and I'm managing expectations." The Boss: "Okay... keep up the good work." Dilbert: "Wally, you don't have a project." "What? Then why am I so tired?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #status reprrts, #costs of projects, #business plan, #budget, #throw on pile

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: "Lately I am overcome with doubt that you read my status reports." The Boss: "Asok, the biggest value of a status report is that it makes you consider all the costs of your project." Assok: "Actually, that is the biggest value of a business plan or a budget." The Boss: "Whatever. Throw it on the pile."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #project stauts, #emails, #voicemails, #corner in hallway, #scampered away, #sinus stories

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: "The status of my project is that you ignored five of my e-mails and seven of my voice mails." "I tried to corner you in the hallway, but you filled all the air space with stories about your sinuses and scampered away." The boss: "Speaking of which, hoo boy." Wally: "I'd like to hear those stories."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evil director, #illeagal, #age, #sex, #martital status, #ethnicity, #fifty year old, #mongrel spinster

View Transcript

Transcript

"Evil director of H.R." "It's illegal for me to ask about age, sex, marital status, weight, ethnicity or disabilities." "But I can see that youre a fifty-year-old, 145-pund, mongrel spinster with some coordination issues." "Do you have any problem working on Christmas?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #astonishing incompetence, #stars of project, #issues

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "Alice, what's the status of your project?" Alice: "The astonishing incompetence of others caused me to jump through a window and land in a dumpster." The Boss: "So then, no issues?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #project caribou, #new chip, #prorc, #muskrat project, #project meerkat, #names of projects, #too similar

View Transcript

Transcript

"We need more staff for prject Cribou.' "No. You're thinking of project Caribbean." "Caribou is like project muskrat but with lower P.R.O.R.C." "P.R.O.R.C?" "Projected return on research capital." "Is muskrat the enterprise software project?" "Um... No... That would be project muskrat." "Cancel project musk ox, move the staff over to project zebra, delay panda and sdquirrel and give me a status report on probosics monkey." "We don't have any projects with those names." "How's that my fault?"