Open Floorplan Comic Strips - Page 5
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The Boss says to Asok the Intern, "So you see, if you got a raise, our earnings growth wouldn't be so smooth." The Boss asks, "And smooth earnings are good for who?" Asok ventures a guess, "Stock market analysts?" The Boss corrects him, "Specifically, the lazy ones." Asok says, "I'm fine. Now that I understand."
Dilbert stands before a manager, possibly the Boss. He says, "I appreciate your new "open book management" philosophy." Dilbert continues, "For example, I've learned that we're repurchasing stock while I'm working unpaid overtime." Dilbert says, "Yet I remain highly motivated because I understand that income and equity are distinct concepts." The manager says, "Who said ignorance is bliss? Ha!"
The janitor stands behind Alice at her workstation and says, "... then I sez, "Hey our debt to equity ratio is increasing." The janitor sweeps his broom through the air. "I lept into action and started seeping like I've never swept before!" The janitor says, "Then I sez, 'Hey, why am I using a broom on carpets?'"
Dilbert stands at open door. Phone man stand outside. Phone repairman says, "I'm here to install your ISDN phone line." Repairman says, "This will only take twenty minutes...unless something unexpected happpens." Dilbert says, "Great because I need it tomorrow." Repairman says, "Uh-oh...your wire goes into a little hole in the wall."
Asok goes to the Analogy Police. A sign on the door reads, "Open." Phil, ruler of Heck, sits behind a desk. Asok says, "My boss said I was as important as a mink is to a mink coat." Phil says, "That sounds fine to me." Asok says, "But the Mink dies." Phil says, "I guess you won't be leaving a full fifteen precent tip."
Sales Conference: Dilbert and Wally are giving a presentation. Dilbert points to a blank computer monitor and says, "Here's the product you'll be selling next quarter." Wally says, "It has NO user interface!" Wally says, 'That means no bulky user manual. And no loss of function during a power outage!" Dilbert carries the monitor away and says, "You were right. Our sales people can't distinguish good from evil." Wally stretches his mouth open with his fingers and says, "I strained a smile muscle." Behind them, the sales people applaud (clap, clap, clap).
Tina the tech writer points to an open magazine on the table and says, "This article says men are paid 25% more than women. How do you explain that?" Dilbert and Wally stare. Wally picks up the magazine. The cover features a woman and the title "Estro." Wally says, "Actually, it says women make 75} for every dollar that men make. That's 33% more for men." Tina crosses her arms and frowns. Wally says, "I suppose there's almost no chance you'll praise me for my math skills right now."
The Boss and Wally sitting at table. The Boss says I saved a lot of money by hiring a low-priced consultant." The Boss hands Dilbert a piece of paper and says, "These aren't the best recommendations in the world, but the price was very resasonable." Asok the Intern, Dilbert, Wally peruse the recommendations. Asok says, "I don't like this one about rolling around on unwashed hamburger patties." The Boss says, "Keep an open mind."
Wally, Carol, and Ted sitting at a table. Wally says, "Unlike you people in Marketing, I have highly sought technical skills." Carol looking at Wally while he says, "I'm too valuable to fire. So from now on, I'll deliver my project status on a balled-up piece of paper." Carol growls with her arms folded, "Grrr." Wally asks, "Is the cheerleader squad ready?" as he is about to flick a crumbled piece of paper into Ted's open arms (table hockey).
Dilbert, Wally, and The Boss sitting at table. While holding a document, The Boss says, "No one in my division is using the company drug treatment program. This is very embarassing." The Boss continues, "My boss will think I'm not managing the drug problem. Don't ANY of you have a drug problem?" Alice, sitting next to Dilbert and Wally, struggles to open a pill container. She exclaims in a frustrated manner, "#!*% Childproof 'Midol' container!!"